


To Love Something That Has Been Broken

by Lillian_Berdy01



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Awkwardness, Baking, But don't underestimate her, Character Development, Dancing, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, Dominant Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Drinking, Erwin Smith is a bit of a flirt, Erwin is complex, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, He's a little messed up, Hecka slow burn, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I honestly believe levi has a thing for redheads, I like true development before hot sex:), I'm trying to keep this a little realistic, Jealousy, Lust, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, My oc is a good singer:), My oc is totally a tease, My ofc is a sweetie, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parties because why not?, Possessive Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Protective Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Slow Build, Sweetness, Touch-Starved, Tragedy, Why is Levi so hard to write?, but also submissive? Idk what to call that, but he tries his best, but not really?, but the romantic part of me is too strong, kind of a love triangle, lots of swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 09:10:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 65,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21250943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lillian_Berdy01/pseuds/Lillian_Berdy01
Summary: Rowan Roth was seventeen years old when she first saw Humanity's Strongest Soldier in her father's bakery. A few years later, after tragedy has struck, she sees him once more. He isn't much different than the last time she saw him, perhaps, a little more broken, but he hides it very well behind a stoic, passive exterior. However, Rowan has a way of getting into people's hearts and Levi isn't sure how to handle it.





	1. First Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thanks for clicking on my story. I just wanted to say right off the bat that this story is mildly inspired by Saffronthread's work called A Sweet Place For Bitter People. Their story is just so great, please go check it out! Anyways, let's get to it.

Rowan Roth could still remember the first time she saw him. It hadn't been anything extraordinary really. The day had started just like any other; first, she had woken up around six in the morning, dressed, helped her mother make breakfast, do the dishes, then finally she had a little free time to herself. Of course, that meant spending time with her friends. She had known Eliza and Erik Leavitt since she was five years old. They were identical twins, with light brown hair, big hazel eyes, and freckled noses, but their personalities couldn't be any more different. Eliza was loud and full of energy, she wasn't afraid of anything and had a knack for getting herself (as well as her friends) in trouble. Erik was a bit more on the shy side, he had a gentle voice, and a friendly spirit. The twins did have some similarities, however, they both were fairly stubborn and not afraid of speaking their mind or standing up for what they thought was right. Those traits were what helped Rowan to become friends with the twins. Rowan lived fairly close to the twins and that morning she had gone over to spend time with her friends.

She watched her feet covered by plain brown flats pat idly against the cobblestone streets. They had been fortunate to grow up in a decent neighborhood. The air didn't feel stuffy. The streets were mostly quiet at night. Growing up, there had been the occasional bully, eager to pick at Rowan and pull her red hair, but the twins always stood up for her, until she finally learned to stand up for herself. At seventeen years old, no one pulled at her hair anymore, guffawed that she had a man's name, or picked at her height. She was no longer the short, pale girl too nice to stand up for herself. Well, she was still fairly short, at five feet and two inches, but no one had dared pointed it out in a very long time. 

When Rowan had reached the house she rapped twice on the door and waited about five seconds before the twin's mother, Jaina, opened the door with her usual smile. The twins took after their mother more than their father. Jaina had the same smile, freckles, and eyes. She had the daintiest lines around her hazel eyes as she gazed down at Rowan and invited her in. This was routine and it had been for the past several years. Somehow, it was never boring. She liked the routine. It felt normal and right.  
When Rowan walked in she nearly stepped on one of Eliza's paintings. Several pieces of paint crinkled parchment were spread out on the floor. She picked up the paper and giggled at the mixture of several colors that shouldn't have been mixed together. Most of Eliza's paintings looked the same. Terrible and hard to decipher, but that didn't stop Eliza from doing it. Eliza was laid on the floor with her long hair tied back and a paintbrush stuck behind her ear as she gazed at a painting in her hands. When she noticed Rowan her eyes lit up and she stuck out the parchment. Rowan raised an eyebrow and gingerly grabbed the corner of the paper. It was a messy rose painted with several shades of red. Rowan quickly decided that this was the nicest painting Eliza had ever shown her. 

"Eliza, this is actually pretty decent," she admitted with a small smile. 

"It's for you." 

The brunette flashed a toothy grin and fluffed her skirt beneath her knees as she sat back down on the ground. Rowan did the same and watched as her friend continued to paint on more wrinkled parchment and soon Erik joined them, but he read a large book, instead of watching his sister paint. For the next two hours, they talked about whatever came to mind, as friends do. After those two hours passed, Rowan had to leave and meet her father at the small bakery her parents owned. Her father always left early in the morning to set the place up and make sure everything was in order before he served customers. Her father took great pride in his small bakery and he always made sure that Rowan found reasons to be proud of it as well. It was like a second home to her. 

The walk to the bakery from the twin's house took roughly fifteen minutes with Rowan's small legs and Eliza's painting swinging in her hand. As soon as she arrived she would grab her old apron, tie back her hair, set the painting somewhere safe, and help her father with orders. Weekdays were usually calm, but the weekend seemed to be when everyone was dying for sweets or a nice cup of tea. It was a Friday, so that meant several orders for the start of the weekend. The first order Rowan helped with was two batches of two different kinds of cookies. One was the classic chocolate chip, while the other was a nut cookie with hints of cinnamon. An easy start, Rowan decided. Not long after the cookies had been placed in the oven a loud chime echoed throughout the building. A customer had come in. Rowan had been washing the dishes and quickly wiped off her hands. Brushing a wispy lock back behind her ear, she straightened her apron and walked to the front. Rowan's eyes widened when she realized that there was more than one person waiting. 

"I hope you weren't waiting long," Rowan apologized as she grabbed a note pad and pencil to write with, in case they had an order. "What can I help you with?" 

"I've come to get my money back for an order that was absolutely terrible," the woman in front of Rowan spat. The woman glared down at her with a pouty lip and her wrinkled, sun spotted arms were crossed furiously across her midsection. 

"I'm terribly sorry," Rowan tried to say as gently as she could. She didn't have to deal with spiteful customers very often, but she had a temper of her own that sometimes threatened to spill from her lips. 

"What did you order?" 

"I had ordered a chocolate cake for my son's birthday and picked it up yesterday in the evening," she sniffed. The woman didn't even make eye contact. 

"The cake was dry. The frosting felt like sand in my mouth. I need my money back." 

"Of course," Rowan started as she felt the back of her neck heat up. "Do you have the cake with you?" 

"Wha- I, no. Of course not." Rowan fought the urge to roll her eyes as the woman huffed and her skin turned as red as a tomato. Part of the bakery's policy was that if a customer had a complaint about an order, they had to bring their order back with them, and show what was wrong with it to an employee. If there was a mistake with the order, the customer was given their money back as well as the proper version of their order. Rowan took pride in the fact that they hardly ever ruined an order. Her father was always meticulous with his work. However, every once and a while someone like this woman would come in and try to deceive in order to get their money back. 

"Ma'am, I'm sorry, but part of our policy-" 

"I don't give a damn about your policy!" The woman shrieked, her tone childlike as her old face wrinkled even more in anger. "Give. Me. My. Money. Back." 

Not only was Rowan sure that the back of her neck was red, but the rest of her as well. One thing she couldn't stand was when people tried to talk to her as if she was stupid. A witty remark bubbled on her tongue and she bit down on it in order to keep herself from exploding. Just as she opened her mouth to calmly speak to the woman, a loud crash resounded off the floor as the woman knocked over the tip jar that had been resting on the counter. The jar broke into several shards and the last of Rowan's resilience evaporated. She didn't bite down on her tongue any longer. 

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave," Rowan said. The people behind the woman whispered as they caught sight of Rowan's angered expression. "Now." 

"I still haven't gotten my money-" 

"Listen, lady," a strangely familiar man with dark hair spoke up suddenly. His tone, somehow bored, yet fierce at the same time. "They have a policy. It's actually nailed up by the door over there. Don't have proof of your order? Your shit out of luck. Get out of here. Some of us have stuff to get to and don't want to listen to you bitch for the next hour." 

Rowan nearly burst out laughing at the sight of the woman's jaw dropping to the floor. Her dull eyes bulged as she glanced at the people waiting in line and back at the dark-haired man. Recognition suddenly lit up her expression and she spluttered a few syllables before picking up her skirts and leaving. A heavy breath of air left Rowan's mouth as she smiled at the man who had frightened her off. He merely gazed at her, his eyes dull and mouth still, and stepped back in line. She got on to help the next few customers. She'd have to wait till she was done with everyone in line till she could sweep up the broken glass since her father was busy in the back. Thankfully, it was shattered in a spot where no one, except maybe Rowan or her dad, would step. The next few customers were sympathetic as they briefly mentioned the nerve of the crazy lady before they picked up their order. Soon, the building was nearly empty, except for the dark-haired man. 

"Thank you," she quickly said as she held her pencil to the notepad. "Some people are insane. Anyways, what can I get for you?" 

"Are you just going to leave that glass?" He asked, his tone rather petulant. Rowan glanced down at the broken glass. 

"No, but customers come first," she said with a small smile. A small dismissive sound left his lips before he proceeded to order some black tea.

She realized that the man was a little rude, but something about him seemed off. Almost like his attitude wasn't entirely genuine, like he wanted to be misread. The feeling that she knew him continued to pick at her as she stared at him while reaching to pick up the larger pieces of glass. He was almost dainty featured and short, really short, with black pants as well as a jacket that covered a white shirt. He had dark circles under his eyes, which were a mix of grey and blue. Her eyes widened when she finally realized who he was. A surprised yelp left her mouth as a sharp pain in her hand jerked her eyes away from the man. A line of blood appeared on her fingers as she dropped the glass and went behind the counter to grab a fresh cloth. Her eyes quickly lifted to look at the short man and she realized he was already looking at her. The same impassive expression on his face as he briefly glanced at her hand. He took one last sip of his tea and left the building. Rowan watched him until he was completely out of sight. Then, holding the cloth firmly against her injured hand she practically bounced to the back of the bakery. 

"Dad, you'll never believe who was in our bakery!" She called.


	2. Begin Again

The night air felt like a cold wave over Rowan's skin. She was sitting in her mother's old rocking chair next to an open window. The breeze echoing off the walls of her small room. The bed was made. Her clothes folded neatly in her dresser. The breeze made the few paintings Eliza had given her sway from the nail that kept them in the wall. Every time she glanced at those paintings, an ache would begin to form in her chest. It had only been a year since Eliza passed. Sometimes, her friend still spoke to her in her dreams.

Eliza had been married to a tall boy named Jon Wedlake in the year 850. Not very long after Humanity's first victory against the titans. It seemed like the perfect time for a celebration. Eliza had been six months pregnant when they were wed. Eliza had hoped for a boy, while her husband prayed for a girl. The pregnancy hadn't been an easy one. Eliza was constantly sick and had a few bleeding spells. As the end of her pregnancy came near, she grew fragile and pale. However, her spirits never declined. Her smile never faltered. Eliza had given birth a week early. She had given birth to a healthy baby boy and she named him after her father, Isaac. A few days later, Eliza succumbed to a fever caused by childbirth. Jon was left to raise a child on his own, Erik lost a sister, and Rowan lost one of her best friends. 

The months after Eliza's death seemed slow. Rowan couldn't find the energy to help her father in the bakery. Her mother occupied her position until she felt as if she could work again. About four months after her friend's death, she finally pushed herself to begin working in the bakery again. Life went on with the occasional wave of sadness. At least once a week, Jon would come to visit the bakery with his son in his big arms. He was very cute with his mother's eyes and his father's curly, blonde hair. And oddly enough, Rowan happened to be his favorite person to be around, besides his uncle Erik. 

Rowan's life was different now, but the world around her changed as well. She could still remember the drop in her stomach she had felt when the news of the deaths that had ensued during the 57th Expedition. Captain Levi had lost his squad. She, of course, hadn't seen the man in a few years. She had been seventeen when she first encountered him in her father's shop and she went to the bakery earlier every day in hopes of seeing him again. She didn't see him again and she was twenty now. So much had happened in those three years. Much happiness. Much tragedy. Much despair. She had nearly forgotten about the captain. Nearly.

Shaking her head and pushing her hair from her eyes, Rowan lifted herself from the rocking chair and closed the window. She had to be at the bakery early tomorrow to help her father with a cake order. She sighed as she pulled back the covers from her bed and climbed into the chilly sheets. Soon, she fell into a dreamless sleep.

The next morning, Rowan grabbed an apple from her kitchen and headed out the door. She had her own house now. It was small but close to the bakery. She had saved enough money from working in the bakery and doing the occasional odd job to create a decent start for herself. The house got a little cold at night, but thankfully her mother had given her plenty of warm blankets in her favorite colors to keep her warm. She actually had one wrapped around her shoulders as she walked to the bakery. The material brushing against her cheek as she held it tight around her. The air was chilly since it was late fall. Fall had always been her favorite season. She felt that she had been made for the fall with her auburn hair, pale skin, and green eyes. 

Walking into the shop, she folded her blanket and placed it somewhere it wouldn't be in the way, then she got to work helping her father. The order was a birthday cake for a girl turning sixteen. They had requested a vanilla cake with a strawberry filling and pink frosting with floral decoration. Decorating cakes was probably Rowan's favorite thing to do. Preparing a buttercream frosting, she thought of different ways she could arrange flowers. They had special sugared flowers that they saved for special occasions, such as weddings or big birthdays. She quickly got lost in her work and delicately worked on the cake. Decorating usually only took twenty to thirty minutes once the cake itself had cooled down enough to work with. Placing one last delicate sugared flower on the cake, she took a step back to inspect her work. It looked perfect. Wiping her hands on her apron, she placed the cake within the ice room to set the frosting. The customer wasn't supposed to show up for another ten minutes. So, Rowan decided to take a short break.

A woman dressed in a simple, but attractive pale orange dress pushed through the bakery's entrance, which made the bell chime. By the time the woman reached the counter, Rowan had already placed the cake gently on the counter and smiled at the woman. Her eyes lit up as she took in the cake and quickly gushed over the flowers.

"Oh my! It's absolutely perfect," she exclaimed with a clap of her hands.

The bell chimed from the front of the store once more, but she was too busy smiling at the woman, telling her about how they saved their sugared flowers for special occasions to glance at who walked through. The woman cheerfully dropped some coins into Rowan's hand and thanked her for the cake. The woman was out the door by the time she realized she had given her a few extra coins. Putting away the coins, Rowan looked up, a bright smile already on her face, but it faltered when she saw who was in front of her. Realizing she probably didn't look very professional, she straightened her shoulders and closed her mouth, and grabbed her small notepad.

"Tea. Black," was all he said as he set down a few coins on the counter and left to find a seat.

She had remembered that Levi had always been a bit blunt, which bordered on rude. Picking the coins from the counter, she put them away and got to brewing some tea for the captain. For some reason, her heart was beating strangely. A prickly feeling settled low in her stomach. Her hands were clammy and she hastily wiped them on her messy apron. She realized she felt nervous. She couldn't figure out why she felt so anxious. Stealing a glance at the captain, she noticed that he was simply staring out the window. His hand was propped under his chin and the light from the windows illuminated his pale skin, but she also noticed that he had dark circles under his blue-grey eyes. She tried to remember if he had always looked so tired. Tearing her eyes away, she pulled the teapot away from the stove and grabbed the rest of the utensils he would need. 

Carefully, she carried the steaming pot over to his table and made sure not to tip anything over and embarrass herself. He didn't look up at her as she set the teapot and everything else down. His eyes merely watched her hands. Feeling a little self-conscious, she clasped her hands in front of her. She couldn't help but look down at her hands as he continued to stare. They weren't dirty, in fact, her skin was flawless and pale, like porcelain. There was only a hint of color to her skin. Her father had always said that she had her grandmother's hands. Delicate looking, with long fingers and pale pink nails that never flaked. It was a wonder her nails never broke considering how most of the time they were under harsh conditions. His eyes finally flitted away from her hands and he looked up at her for a brief second.

"Thank you."

She mustered a smile and turned to leave when he spoke up again; "What is your name?"

"Rowan," she said slowly. "Rowan Roth."

She expected him to comment on how she had a man's name, just because she was so used to the casual remark made by so many others, but he didn't. He just blinked and poured himself some tea. Feeling awkward, she turned once more to leave and he cleared his throat before speaking again.

"You forgot the sugar," he said. His eyes unblinking as he stared at her. Rowan blinked before smiling and stepping closer to the dark-haired man. 

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, I'm sure you did," he said. His voice sounded a bit more agitated.

"You don't like sugar in your tea," she said simply with a smirk upon her lips. The captain's expression didn't falter and he remained silent. The auburn-haired girl tilted her head and disappeared into the back of the shop. Once she was out of sight, Levi brought the teacup up to his mouth. One side of his mouth tilted upwards slightly as he took a sip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you all liked this chapter and I'm sorry for the tragedy and angst. I'm kinda worried my timeline might be a little messed up, but oh well.


	3. A Surprise Invitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!Hope you enjoy the chapter. I've been thinking of adding a song recommendation to each chapter, but idk. We'll see, I suppose.

The week after Rowan saw Levi for the first time since she was seventeen flew by. Surprisingly, Levi started to show up every day. She noticed it was always around the same time and a little early in the morning. He didn't talk much or change his expression. Rowan had caught him studying her a few times. He'd look at her a second longer, then lift his teacup to his mouth, his eyes cool as they flitted away towards the window. His expression didn't hold interest when he'd look at her. He was pretty much impossible to read and Rowan decided it would be better to not worry about it. So, she got to work.

After several minutes of placing pastries perfectly in their display case, a chime from the front of the store caught her attention. She swiped at a stray piece of red hair hanging near her eye and wiped her hands on her apron, smiling at who walked in. She'd recognize the hazel eyes and freckled nose from anywhere. Erik met her eyes and immediately opened his arms for a hug, which Rowan gladly stepped into. Things had been different between them since Eliza died. They'd gotten closer, well, they'd always been friends, but losing Eliza created a stronger bond between the two of them. New feelings erupted, yet remained stagnant at the same time. She was fully aware of his feelings, yet she didn't know if she felt the same. Stepping out of his embrace, she grabbed a to-go bag from behind the counter and filled it with a few fresh cookies. She always gave him some kind of treat when he stopped by. The bag crinkled as she folded the top and handed it to Erik. He smiled and placed the bag within his coat pocket. The both of them unaware of the steely eyes that watched them from his table.

"Mom and dad are throwing a party next week," he said. His hands rested in his brown coat pocket as he looked down at her. He'd always been quite a bit taller than her.

"Really? What for?" She asked. The Leavitt's didn't throw parties often, but when they did, it was always a great time. They were good, but fun people and they always kept good company. 

"I asked my mom the same question and all she said was 'why not?'. I've decided to not question it much more than that," he laughed as he wiped at his nose. "You know how she is with her parties. You're invited, of course, as well as your parents. It's on Friday around seven."

"Sounds lovely. I'll bring some treats," Rowan stated as she scrubbed at a spot on the counter with a damp rag.

"You can bring someone else too, you know, er...if you want," he suggested. Rowan lifted her brows and looked up at him through her eyelashes. 

"Ah," he cleared his throat. "Right, well I have to get to work. See ya, Ro."

She nearly cringed at the old nickname and waved as he practically ran out the door. He'd been doing that weird thing where he pretended to not know that she was single. The bell on the door chimed as he left, his hands still deep in his pockets, and his head bent downwards. Swiping a hand across the back of her neck, Rowan sighed and got lost in her thoughts. The wet rag still pressed into the counter as she stared into space. 

Lately, Erik's feelings had become more apparent. He'd stop by the bakery just to see her. He'd complimented her more. He'd point out how pretty the flowers she created for her cakes looked whenever she had one in the display case. She had known him since she was really young and she'd always thought he was cute. She liked the way his eyes lit up when he told her about a new book he'd read. She liked it when he showed up to the bakery with his light brown hair in disarray because he'd forgotten to comb it. The traits that he shared with his sister were something she'd always been fond of as well. He was a good person. He came from a great family. However, despite all of the things she knew she liked about him, she didn't know if she _liked_ him. Part of her was terrified that if she tried to welcome his feelings that their friendship would become complicated or ruined.

Suddenly, a hand appeared in front of her face and snapped loudly. Startled, Rowan jumped back and met the captain's dull eyes. A deep rose bloomed in her cheeks as she placed the rag somewhere out of the way and brushed her hair out of her face. 

"My apologies," she laughed nervously. The strange knots forming in her stomach once more. "Is there something I can do for you?"

"I'd like to try something," he said. His eyes unmoving as he looked at her.

"Would you like a recommendation?" She asked. He was certainly an awkward man. Somehow, she found it slightly endearing, despite how rude he seemed sometimes. 

"Sure."

"Well, I'm not sure what kind of sweets you'd prefer, but one of my favorites is our marble brownies," she started with an unsure smile. She moved to the display case they had close to the front counter and pointed towards the pan of brownies they had made already. "It's basically a brownie with bits of cheesecake swirled in the batter. It's very delicious."

"Alright," was all he said as he looked at her. 

Unsure if that meant he wanted one or if he wanted her to go on with another recommendation, she stood still. The blush creeping back into her cheeks as she felt paralyzed. With a sigh, he nodded and placed a few coins on the counter. A rush of relief washed over her as she regained her sense and carefully cut a square of brownie.

"For here or to go?" She asked. He started to turn from her.

"Here."

He sat back down at his table. He always sat at the same table every day. Rowan briefly wondered how'd he react if someone beat him to the chair. The thought put another smile on her face as she placed the brownie on a small plate and grabbed a fork as well as a napkin for the captain. Her short heeled shoes clicked against the floor as she walked to the only occupied table in the bakery. With steady hands, she placed the plate and utensils in front of the dark-haired man. She almost grabbed his teacup and teapot but stopped when she realized he was still drinking the tea. He lifted his chin up and nodded. 

"Thank you."

"Please tell me if you like it and I'll give you another recommendation for next time, " she said sweetly as she walked away from the table to go to the back to quickly help her father with the dishes.

By the time she finally finished helping with dishes, her hands ached and were as wrinkled as a sun-dried grape. When she walked back to the front counter, the table that had been occupied was empty. She trodded over to the table and picked up the dishes he had left. She smiled when she noticed that the plate that had had the marble brownie hardly had a crumb left on it. These would be the last dishes of the night. She had already encouraged her father to go home and rest. He had trouble standing for as long as he did nowadays. So, Rowan would do the liberty of closing up the shop for her father. It was an easy task and she never minded doing it. After a quick clean up of the bakery, she locked both the back entrance and the front. Wrapping her blanket around her shoulders, she began to walk home. The chilly air bit into her cheeks as she trudged down the pebbled street. The night was filled with the sound of faint music and obnoxious laughter as she walked past a tavern. No doubt the source of the ruckus. 

A few paces past the entrance of the tavern, Rowan jumped as a man fell through the entrance of the tavern. He was older, possibly in his forties, and he was dressed in soiled, hole filed clothes. A drunkard. He didn't have a proper jacket for the cold and the only warm clothing he seemed to have was his gloves. However, the tips had been cut and his nails were exposed to the night air. A small twinge of pity tugged at Rowan's heart, but she knew better than to try and help a stranger, especially a man at that. So, she swiftly picked up her feet.

"Wait, m-miss!" The man called. His voice thick with intoxication. "Would you mind helping me up? I c-can..._hic_...make it home if you'd just help me up."

Stopping in her tracks, Rowan pondered the man's words and whether it would be a good idea to help him or not. The kinder, naive part of her urged her to just quickly help him up and be on her way. The smarter, cautious part of her warned against even taking another step towards the drunken man. Contemplating the options she had, she decided she'd help him up then make a dash for it. If the man tried anything she could easily knee him in the groin or even the shin. If he was so drunk he couldn't get up, then he'd most likely not be able to chase after her. Inhaling the night air deeply, she turned and walked over to the drunkard. His face lit up as she gingerly helped him up. He smiled at her, revealing a mouth full of yellowed teeth. Rowan tried her hardest not to cringe at the sight of his teeth and she nervously smiled back at him. He suddenly held on to her arms.

"Thank you," he slurred. "You're very..._hic_...pretty. How about a kiss?"

"No!" She squealed as she tried to push him away as his puckered lips threatened to touch her. 

The grip on her arms was as solid as the ground beneath them as she jumped to action and kneed him straight in the groin. The man bellowed in pain and bent to cup himself as she grabbed the back of his head and brought her knee up to his nose. She expected to hear the crunch of cartilage, but the man had somehow dodged her move and pulled one of her legs out from underneath her. Her tailbone met the hard ground and she winced in pain. A string of curses left her mouth as she tried to push at the man who was climbing over the top of her now. The horrible stench of his skin met her nostrils and she nearly threw up.

"Stupid b-bitch," the man growled as he struggled to pull up the hem of her skirt. She was completely pinned beneath him. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes as she felt his fingers on her bare leg. "I'm going to hurt you-"

The man's threat was cut off by the sharp sound of a knife being unsheathed and she saw the small blade placed at the base of his throat. The silver glinted menacingly in the night. The drunkard's eyes immediately widened in fear and Rowan strained to see who had saved her. Her eyes met the grey-blue orbs of humanity's strongest soldier. Complete relief surged through her body as she pushed herself away from the man who had just attempted to assault her. Fixing her skirts, she pushed herself off of the ground and winced at the sharp ache in her lower spine. Levi noticed the flash of pain on her face and his eyes flashed as he pressed the blade harder against the man's throat. A trail of blood slid down the man's throat and he had begun to weep and beg for mercy. Rowan's eyes widened as she realized Levi intended to kill the man. Struggling to speak, a sound of caution left her throat as she placed a hand on the dark-haired man's shoulder. She noticed him twitch at the contact. It frightened her how calm he managed to keep his face as he looked at her. 

"Please don't kill him," she pleaded. "He's just a drunken fool."

"If I kill him then there would be one less drunken rapist in the world," he growled.

"Yes, I suppose," she struggled to reason. Why did she want Levi to spare this man? "B-but aren't you a captain? Wouldn't this affect you negatively?"

"_Tch_," his pressure on the man's throat didn't falter as he stared straight into her eyes. "I just witnessed him attempt to rape you. Are you dull?"

"_Please," _she pleaded. Her grip on the man's shoulder tightening.

Levi was still for a moment. She didn't let her eyes fall from his as he watched her intently. The sound of her blood rushing in her ears was nearly deafening, despite the man's whimpers. Slowly leaning towards the man's ear, Levi pressed the knife into his skin a little harder. More blood trickled. The crimson bright against the man's sallow skin. Rowan couldn't tear her eyes away as he began to whisper in the drunk's ear. Rowan removed her hand from his shoulder and backed away.

"Take a good look at this woman over here," he hissed as he grabbed a fistful of the man's hair and directed his head in Rowan's direction. "I don't know why, but she just saved your worthless life. Show her your thanks and apologize for what you tried to do to her earlier. _Now."_

"Thank you, miss. I don't deserve it. I-I'm s-s-sorry," the man struggled to say as tears ran down his face. Rowan nodded quickly, eager to just leave.

"Good," Levi said. "If I ever catch you hurting another woman again..I'll spare you the trials and tribulations of being arrested and end your fucking life on the spot. _Got it?"_

Then, as quick as lightning he swung at the back of the man's head and knocked him out cold. The man landed on the ground with a thud and Rowan realized she had been holding her breath. Levi scowled down at the man as he pulled a cloth out of nowhere and wiped the blade clean and then tucked the weapon somewhere inside his jacket and slowly turned to her. His eyes scanned over her and she felt her heartbeat as wild as a bird trying to escape a wired cage.

"Are you alright?" he asked. A twinge of something soft in his voice took her by surprise as she straightened her blanket around her shoulders. Her head felt strangely light.

"Yes, he um, didn't truly hurt me," she said as she brushed her hair out of her eyes. "I just landed on my tailbone when he knocked me over."

"I'll escort you home," he said as he stepped closer to her side. She almost opened her mouth to protest but closed it again when she realized it would be stupid of her to argue. She sighed at her thoughts and concluded that she had made enough stupid decisions for the night.

They mostly walked in silence. He didn't ask questions or scold her. Not that she minded. Her head was still light and she wondered if it had to do with being overwhelmed by the events of the night as well as not eating much all day. She rubbed at her temple, which Levi noticed, but didn't comment on. It only took a few minutes to reach her house and he followed her up the few steps as she turned to face him.

"Thank you. Truly."

He stood silently. His steely blue eyes looking over her form. She imagined she must have looked like a complete mess, but she couldn't find the will to care. The only thing she wanted was to eat and fall asleep. Fighting the urge to fidget, she stood her ground and didn't back away from his gaze. Her head was buzzing and she leaned against her doorframe to help steady herself. 

"You don't look okay," he said plainly as he watched her wearily push the red strands of hair out of her face.

"I just need to eat and go to bed. Thank you again, Captain. I owe you," without another word she closed the door and inwardly cringed. She'd probably regret that even more when she woke up the next day, but for now, she needed to focus on eating. Within minutes, she had built herself a plain sandwich to munch on. She wolfed it down and changed out of the dirty clothes she wore. The food helped to shoo away some of the fatigue she felt from the events of the day. She hoped that sleep would help even more so. Tucking herself into her simple bed, she fell asleep in a matter of minutes and dreamt of strange grey-blue eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear Levi is so difficult to write. I keep worrying that my characterization for him is a bit off but trust me guys, I'm tryiiinnng. Just so everyone knows, I'm in the process of getting a new job, so updates might be a little more sparse from here on. Don't worry though, I won't abandon this:) I like kudos, but I love comments. Let me know what you think! Throw some feedback at me or even just something nice. Thanks for reading!


	4. Gratitude and Other Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Everyone! Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoy the chapter:)

The next day Rowan expected to see the captain, but she didn't. In fact, he didn't show up for several days. She felt small twinges of disappointment each time the bell chimed and it wasn't him. Now that she was well-rested and able to function like a normal human being, she wanted to express her gratitude a little more profoundly. He had saved her from assault and aftermath of shame as well as pain. She had made a batch of the marble brownies he seemed to like so much. As the days went by, the little glimmer of hope that she had of him walking through the door diminished and she ended up giving the brownies to Erik. It would be a waste if she allowed them to become stale.

Leaning against the cold countertop, she made a quick checklist of everything she would make for the Leavitt's party. She had two days before the party. She decided that something simple like cupcakes would be perfect. A smirk on her lips, she went to the back of the bakery where they held some of their records as well as recipes. Cupcakes were simple and sweet, but the cupcakes she had in mind would have a kick to them. Flipping through several crinkled pages, she finally found the page she had been searching for. A cupcake infused with whiskey and topped with sweet lemon frosting. It was a party after all, why not bring something with a little alcohol? Besides, they were subtle and delicious. She quickly calculated how much of everything she'd need and jotted it down on her notepad. When her father appeared around the corner and briefly glanced at the page she was on his mouth widened into a smile.

"That's one of my favorites. You making that for the party?" He asked as she finished writing.

"Dad, everything is your favorite," she giggled as she put the pen she had been using into the pocket of her apron. "But yes, I am."

He nodded and turned, his arms reaching for something on one of the shelves they had. She noticed everything was pretty dusty and made a mental note to dust when she had a free moment. Faintly, the bell chimed and she stuffed her notepad into her pocket. Her hands pushed at the red hair that always fell in her eyes. 

As soon as she saw him her heart starting to beat faster, the rush of her blood no doubt turning some parts of her porcelain skin pink. The counter bit into her hips as she rushed forward and nearly tripped on her own feet. Biting her lip to keep from muttering a curse, she quickly composed herself and tried to remember how to speak. The skin of her bottom lip was still being bitten at and she quickly freed her lip. Her cheeks still felt warm. 

His mouth quirked the tiniest bit, but it quickly disappeared. His steely eyes, however, seemed less cold. Less dull. 

"Hello," Rowan uttered. She internally winced. Was that really all she could say? She should be pouring out her thanks right now.

"Hello," he returned, then awkwardly added. "Rowan."

The syllables sounded strange coming off of his tongue. Not strange enough to stop the jolt she felt go through her as he said her name. She struggled with what to say. 

"Captain," she started. The uncertainty started to leave the edges of her voice. "Thank you for saving me. Truly. I'm sorry I didn't show it before, but I truly am grateful. It's a miracle you showed up when you did."

"Levi," he grunted. "Call me Levi."

Taken a bit off guard, Rowan paused for a moment before smiling warmly at the man in front of her. His eyes briefly flashed over her face.

"You don't need to thank me. How is your back?" he continued. He watched as one of her hands flew to her back at the mention of it. 

"Oh, it's a little bruised. I'm fine," she insisted with a nervous laugh as she leaned against the counter. Her eyes glanced at the old clock they had hung up on the wall and an idea popped into her head. Mustering all the confidence she could she smiled at him."My lunch break is in five minutes. Can I treat you to lunch somewhere?"

His eyes widened for a tiny second. Just as quickly, they went back to their usual state of narrowness. His steely eyes glancing at her smile as he opened his mouth. She could see the declination forming on his lips and she quickly spoke up.

"Please, it's the least I could do after you saved me."

He remained silent for a moment, before tilting his head and giving a quick nod. His eyes dropped for a second. Rowan smiled once more and told him to just give her one moment. Flying to the back of the room, she untied her apron and hung it up on the rack. She quickly told her father that she was taking her lunch break and rushed to the bathroom to check her appearance. She splashed some water onto her face, pat it dry with a hand towel, and glanced in the simple mirror they had mounted on the bathroom wall. Her auburn hair was slightly messy in its quick updo and she pulled the pins she had out of the locks. The curly strands fell around her face in a thick, wild mess. Sighing, Rowan ran her hands deftly through the knots and smoothed it out as much as she could. Giving one last look, she decided it was good enough and made her way to the front of the bakery. He was sitting in his usual seat with his legs crossed and his eyes staring straight out of the window. He turned and she blushed when his eyes went straight to her free hair.

"Let's go," she said as she opened the door for him. He nodded in thanks and waited for her to lead the way.

"So, what do you like to eat?" She asked sweetly.

"Dunno," he shrugged. "Anything, really."

"Hmm," Rowan hummed as she pressed a finger to her chin in thought.

There was one place close by that served great food and played great music. Feeling oddly giddy, she picked up the pace. The heels of her boots clicked as she led him to a familiar tavern. The smell of food already wafting through the air and making her mouth water. She reached for the door, but Levi had beat her to it. Meeting his eyes, she smiled and walked in. She could feel him close behind her as she glanced around the room for a free table or booth. Spotting one in the far right corner of the room, she grabbed onto Levi's wrist and tried to lead him to it when she felt him flinch and jerk his arm away. Her eyes widened when she realized how thoughtlessly she had grabbed onto him and blushed out of embarrassment. 

"I'm sorry," she blurted. "I just wanted to lead you to the table. I shouldn't have grabbed you."

He didn't say anything, but merely nodded and jerked his chin towards the direction of the table. A little less giddy, she walked over to the empty table and pulled out a chair. Trying to forget about what happened mere seconds ago, she glanced around the room, expecting people to be staring at the captain with wide eyes, but no one really glanced their way. Maybe he didn't get recognized as much when he wasn't in uniform, she thought. Suddenly, a plump woman with honey blonde hair appeared and placed a menu in their hands. Today, they were serving three different specials for lunch. The woman asked what they would like to drink and Rowan ordered first, just water. Levi ordered a beer. As the woman walked away, Rowan scanned over the menu and felt her foot tap to the music. A live band was playing on a small platform on the other side of the room.

"What are you thinking of ordering?" She tried to speak a little louder, because of the music.

"Whatever you decide," he shrugged again.

Puzzled, she looked over her three options and settled on the simplest, but still delicious option. A stew of vegetables and venison with a side of bread, butter, and peach cobbler for a treat afterward. She recited her choice to Levi, who nodded and set the menu on the table. The woman with honey hair returned with their drinks and quickly jotted down their orders. Then, she hurried off. Rowan glanced up at Levi as she sipped her water and noticed he looked slightly uncomfortable. His posture was stiff as he stared at his beer. The amber liquid rippling slightly because of the lively atmosphere. He lifted the mug up to his lips and she noticed he held it the same odd way he held his teacups. Just by the rim, not by the handle. Part of her wanted to ask him why he did that, but she decided it could wait for another time. She had other questions to ask.

"Are you alright?" She asked carefully.

His eyes flashed towards her as he gulped some of his beer down and set the mug down a little harshly on the wooden table. A wince went through her as she tried to ignore his intense gaze. Several thoughts ran through her head as she waited for him to speak. Did he want to leave? Did he regret coming with her? Her shoulders drooped a little when she realized her invitation was probably a little bold. He was a renowned _captain,_ after all, she was just a normal girl. Her eyes fell and he noticed her shoulders sagging. He quickly uttered a response.

"Er, places like this make me..." he tried to find the right word. Speaking wasn't one of his best skills.

"Anxious?" She suggested quietly.

Taking a sip of his beer, he nodded.

"I guess."

"I'd heard rumors that you weren't much of a people person," she laughed. A light, sweet sound. Some ease made its way into Levi's body as he heard it. He hastily took another sip of beer.

"Can I ask you something?" Rowan asked with a strange look on her face. Her hands held each side of her cold cup. When the dark-haired man nodded she bit her lip before opening her mouth.

"Do you not want to be here?"

Rowan internally winced when she realized how squeaky her voice sounded. All the confidence she had earlier had flown out the window in a rush. She tried not to shift uncomfortably in her seat as he stared at her. It was taking her a while to get used to his awkward, slow way of talking. Growing self-conscious, she let her eyes drift to the table. When she looked back up he wasn't looking at her. The mug was lifted to his mouth and he sipped some more of the alcohol. 

"I'm fine," he finally said as his blue-grey eyes met hers once more. "Your treat, right?"

Rowan smiled, not a big smile, just a tiny lift of the corners of her mouth. She made several conclusions in her mind as she sipped her water, her eyes staring off into a corner of the room. First, she decided that if he truly didn't want to be here, then he wouldn't be. Second, she realized that he was allowing her to show her gratitude. Nothing more. Lastly, she decided that if he was busy or had other things to do, he would've said so. Something pale started waving in front of her eyes and she realized it was Levi's hand. Shaking her head, she laughed and apologized as she realized her food was in front of her. The apples of her cheeks grew pink. Something that seemed to happen a lot while she was with him.

"What has you so lost in your head, brat?" He asked as he picked up his silverware.

"Oh," Rowan started. She remained silent for a moment as she tried to figure out how to respond. She decided to bring up something she had been thinking about earlier. He didn't need to know about her anxious thoughts. "I was just thinking about how it's kinda amazing that someone so famous is eating lunch with me. It's strange no one has recognized you yet."

"_Tch," _he said as he swallowed a bite of stew. "Usually, these idiots don't recognize me much out of uniform. If I was dressed in my uniform, there would be a flock around me."

"Well, I guess you just blend in more without the wings of freedom on your back," she laughed. "I suppose it's a good thing no one recognizes you right now."

"Trust me," he murmured. "It is a good thing."

They spent the next few minutes eating in silence. Although it wasn't truly silent, they had the music of the band and chatter among the other customers. It was a pleasant atmosphere. No one was paying attention to them. People were either engaged in conversation, drinking, or dancing to the music. A couple with rosy cheeks and wide smiles danced in circles on the other side of the room. They looked very in love, but maybe it was just the alcohol. Rowan giggled as she watched the couple fall over in a heap. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Levi turn to look at what had made her laugh.

"Do you dance?" She asked lightly.

"No," he shrugged. His beer was gone now. "Don't really know how."

"I could teach you," she said sweetly. Then, her body grew hot and she wanted to slap herself in the face. She mentally cursed herself as she tried to think of something smarter to say to fix the situation. "Um, I mean, er my friend is throwing a party this Friday, um if you'd like to come. I could teach you then."

Now she did slap her forehead as she wanted to crawl underneath the table and disappear. She felt like a complete idiot and she didn't dare to look at his face. How could she have possibly made that any worse? He probably thought she had a huge crush on him or something now, she thought. 

"Alright," was all he said. His mouth was in its usual straight line, but his eyes seemed a little less dull. Her eyes widened when she realized what he had said. Levi, humanity's strongest soldier and an elite captain within the survey corps, had just accepted her dumbass invitation to a party. Had she imagined it? She must have truly gone mad. Maybe all those hours at the bakery had finally driven her straight over the edge. 

"Hey, brat," he called as she snapped out of her state of disbelief. "Knock it off. You look like an idiot when you stare with your eyes popping out of your head."

"You don't have to come, you know," she breathed out. Her head was still reeling from the fact that he had said he'd go.

"What time is it at?" He asked, ignoring her remark.

"Um, seven."

He nodded and finished his last bite of food. Rowan took small bites of her cobbler as she felt that strange giddy feeling starts in her stomach. She refrained from smiling as she finished off her meal. Picking coins out of the pocket of her long skirt, she placed the amount she owed, plus a little more for their server, on the table and walked out of the tavern. With one last glance at the band, they were both back in the chilly Autumn air. The sun was barely peeking through the grey clouds. She assumed it would probably rain later. Nervously, she smiled at the captain and wrapped her arms around herself.

"You really don't have to come," she insisted as she pushed back a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"_Tch, _do you want me to or not?" he asked irritably. A little surprised by the question Rowan bit her lip. 

"Yes," she answered honestly. 

"Then I'll be there," he said. His eyes seemed soft as he looked at her, then just as quickly they retreated to their intimidating, narrowed state. He cleared his throat. "Thanks. For lunch. I have somewhere else to be now."

"Oh, of course," she waved with her hand as he nodded then turned on his heel to leave.

She watched as he disappeared down the cobblestone street. As she walked home she couldn't help the bounce of her heels. Captain Levi had accepted her invitation. She still couldn't believe it. It all seemed strange to her. A few minutes later, as she walked through the door of her bakery she realized she'd have to introduce him to friends and family. They would surely freak out. He'd probably hate her after that. She dragged a hand down her face as she went to the back to tell her father about what had just happened. She decided she might as well let her parents know ahead of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've been realizing lately that I'm not very good at writing inner dialogue. I seem to write more actions than anything. Whoops. What did you guys think? The next chapter will probably be super cute with lots of awkwardness and dancing. I might throw in a hint of angst just to fuck with your emotions. We'll see. The story should start to pick up a bit more then. Thank you to everyone who leaves a kudos, bookmark, or comment. You guys are the best. I apologize for any mistakes. If you see one just let me know and I'll fix it. See you all next time:)


	5. Dance Lessons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you enjoy the chapter.

The next couple of days passed by quickly. Rowan didn't have time to think about Levi and he didn't show up at the bakery to distract her. She had been up to her neck in orders as well as preparations for the party. She hadn't much free time and she still wanted to go out and buy herself a new dress for the party. Nothing too fancy, just a little more formal. Besides, her old formal dress didn't fit very well anymore. It was a pretty, light blue dress that she had received for her birthday when she was sixteen. She had gotten a little bit bigger in the chest since then. So, a new one was in order. If only she could find the free time to go and buy one.

For the past several hours, she had been baking batches of cupcakes for the party. The last batch was still in the oven. The others were in the ice room. After a few minutes, she pulled the last tray of cupcakes carefully from the oven and placed them in the ice room to cool down. She already had her frosting ready to use. It had been blended to perfection. A perfect mix of creamy frosting and sour-sweet lemon flavoring. The cupcakes were sure to be a hit. 

Once the cupcakes had cooled, Rowan pulled each tray carefully out of the cooling room. Whipping the frosting into a decorating bag, she started creating a pretty swirl of frosting on the miniature cakes. Every once in a while she'd stop to refill the bag, then she'd keep going. She had made around thirty cupcakes, which was probably more than enough, so the process took almost an hour. She was very thorough when it came to decorating. Every detail had to be perfect. After she finished the decorating process, she searched for the delivery boxes they had somewhere. Folding the boxes, she started filling the bottom with cupcakes. When she finished she had filled two delivery boxes. wiping her hand across her forehead, she glanced at the old clock they had hung up on the wall in the back. It was nearly three o'clock. She had to hurry to go home, put the cupcakes in her own freezer room, then hurry to a clothing store and find something suitable for the party. Swiftly, she found her father washing his hands free of dough in the bathroom, her arms were full of the delivery boxes.

"Hey dad, can I leave early? I need to drop these off at home and I still need to go buy a new dress," she said nearly out for breath. She was really stressed by the events of the day.

"Of course, honey," he uttered. "We're going to close early tonight and I think your mom is stopping by soon. We want to look our best to meet the captain."

He said that last part with a wink. Rowan nearly rolled her eyes in exasperation. Ever since she told her parents about everything that had happened with the captain they'd been strangely excited for the party. It worried her. She hoped that they wouldn't do anything to embarrass her. She loved her parents, no doubt, but they could be a little overbearing sometimes. A distant chime went off in the front of the bakery.

"That must be your mom right on time," he said as he finished drying his hands with a hand towel.

Sure enough, Rowan's mom appeared in the back. Her hair pulled up in a messy updo and she was wearing plain clothes. Her hair was brunette and didn't have a hint of red in it. Rowan always found it strange that she ended up with red hair, considering her mom was a brunette and her dad had blonde hair. She'd always been told she looked like her mother, however, they shared the same lips, eyes, and skin tone. Her nose though was like her father. Not exactly small, but not necessarily big either, with a straight profile. Her mom smiled widely when she spotted Rowan.

"Rowan, what are you still doing here?" She gasped. "Don't you need to find a dress?"

"Yes, I'm leaving! Bye, see you at the party!" She called as she left the back of the bakery.

"We can't wait!" Her mom called in a sing-song voice. This time, she did roll her eyes in exasperation. Tonight was either going to be a nightmare or a dream come true. There would be no in between. She sighed to herself when she remembered that Erik's family didn't even know that Levi was going to be there yet. She could only pray that they wouldn't freak out and cause a scene. He is a bit of a celebrity, after all. What was she thinking when she invited him?

Walking as fast as she could, Rowan made it to her house in five minutes and she rushed in. She placed the cupcakes in the ice room where they belonged and then she ran to her room to grab her coin purse. She'd need a bit more money than she already had on her to make this purchase. Stuffing the coin purse in her skirt pocket, she rushed out of her house, locked the door, and paced the whole way to the dress shop. Unfortunately, the dress shop was a good fifteen minutes away from her house. When she finally reached the entrance of the store she was a little out of breath, so she took a deep breath, then she stepped through into a room with mannequins dressed in pretty designs. Most of the designs on display were a bit simple, but others were more extravagant. She let her eyes wander across each piece of colorful fabric and frill of lace as she observed in wonder. One of the perks of living in the neighborhood she did, besides how safe it was, was the several shops it had. It seemed to have a shop for everything.

Within a matter of seconds, a woman dressed very nicely in a pale yellow shirt with a pretty brooch over her breast and earthy brown skirt, addressed her as she gazed at a beautiful pink dress on a mannequin.

"Hello, Miss. Can I help you with anything?" 

"Yes, please. I need a slightly formal dress for a party tonight," she said. She felt a little foolish when she realized how last minute it was.

"Of course," if the woman was irritated by her request, she didn't show it at all. "I have a few selections that would be stunning on you. Follow me, Please."

Rowan smiled and followed the woman to a rack of dresses. She pushed through the options and grabbed a dark green dress that she only caught a brief glance of. Then, she moved to a few other racks, occasionally grabbing a dress or shaking her head at a certain color or size. By the end, she had at least five dresses hanging over her arm. The woman led Rowan to a dressing room, slid over the curtain, and placed the dresses carefully in her arms.

"Let me know if you need help," the woman smiled and gently pushed her into the dressing room. Then, she closed the curtain to protect the woman's modesty.

Rowan peered down at the dresses in her arms. They were all very pretty. They were all different colors in darker shades, except for a red one she had been handed. The red was too bright for her skin tone, so she placed it on the chair that sat next to a large mirror in the dressing room. She knew she wouldn't like how it looked already. Undressing, she tried on all the other dresses. The first dress she tried on was a navy color with quarter sleeves and white buttons on the chest. She liked the color on her, but it was too tight in the chest. After trying on a mustard dress that was too large in the waist, a beige dress that was too long, she finally tried on the beautiful dark green dress. Her eyes widened in surprise when she caught her reflection in the mirror. The dress was long-sleeved with small buttons that reminded her of pearls on the cuffs, except they were a lilac color, instead of a creamy white. The lace on the hem of the skirt was a lilac color as well to bring it all together. After looking at the details of the dress, she twirled in the mirror and admired the way it was fitted at her waist and flowed around her feet like a calm wave. It wasn't completely boring and it wasn't too extravagant either. It was perfect and she already knew what accessories she would wear with it. Undressing, she put back on her plain white blouse and grey ankle-length skirt. When she came out of the dressing room the woman was organizing dresses on a rack nearby. When she saw the dress Rowan had picked she smiled and nodded her head in approval. The woman brought her to the front of the store and rang up her order. Rowan's eyes widened a bit when she heard the price, but handed over what she owed quickly and thanked the woman for her help. The woman wrapped her dress daintily in wrapping paper and placed it in a small bag. She bid Rowan a good night and farewell and Rowan wished her the same. With a quick glance at the grandmother clock that they had next to a display case of accessories, Rowan realized that she only had two hours to get ready. So, she practically ran the whole way home.

It took Rowan a while to get her hair the exact way she wanted it, which frustrated her to no end. She had bathed in water that smelled calmly of a variety of flowers due to some oils that Eliza had gotten her as a birthday present a long time ago that she had poured in her water. She had towel dried her hair and ran a wide-toothed comb through the loose ringlets as well as adding a styling product to tame the frizziness she sometimes suffered from. By the time she finished perfecting her hair, her face was red with annoyance. Adding up the minutes she had left in her mind, Rowan got started on her cosmetics. She didn't usually wear much. Her mother always told her that only prostitutes wore layers of makeup, so she always used a light hand when it came to putting on her face. Starting with her skin, she rubbed some lotion into her face and pressed a thin layer of powder into her skin with a puff. Thankfully, she had been blessed with clear skin just like her mother. Next, she rubbed a rose petal pink rouge into her cheeks. Then, she rubbed a rouge of a darker pink over her lips and pressed them together to move the color into place. She tamed her eyebrows and very lightly colored them in with a russet powder with a tiny brush. Lastly, she made her eyelashes appear longer and darker with a small brush that she had wet with water and pressed into a tin of cake mascara. With one last look at her hair and face, she decided that she looked perfectly natural and fresh for the party. Now, all she had left was to change out of her old robe into her outfit for the party. She was right on time, she realized as she glanced at her clock. With several minutes to spare. So, she hurried and got dressed, trying to ignore the nerves she felt as she realized she would see Levi soon.

She put on her underclothes, which consisted of a brassiere, stockings, and a shift to keep her warm since the dress was of a lighter material. She picked up her sepia boots free of flaws with a three-inch heel and pulled them over her toes. Then, she rummaged through the jewelry box that she had inherited from her grandmother when she was ten and searched for the pair of earrings and a matching ring she had envisioned wearing with her new dress. Her grandparents on her mother's side had been fairly wealthy in old age and had given her very many nice things well until they passed away a few years ago. An _aha_(!) left her lips as she picked up a medium silver band and earrings of the same metal shaped in small knots. After placing the jewelry where they belonged on her body, she walked out into her living room where she had a long mirror hung on the wall for decoration. _Perfect, _she thought as she twirled in front of the mirror.

A short rap of knocks echoed off of her door and she felt the butterflies in her stomach amplify as she realized who it was. Taking a deep breath, she strode over to her door and opened it with a closed lip smile. His eyes flashed over her figure for a moment and she blushed. He was dressed nicely in a well fitted black button-up shirt and dark dress pants, as well as shoes. He didn't have a jacket, which she found odd since it was so cold outside at night. A glint of something on his hand caught her eye and she realized he was wearing a ring. One she'd never noticed before. She thought he looked _very_ handsome.

"Hello!" She said a little too cheery. "Please, come in. I have to go get something real quick."

He stepped in and Rowan rushed off to her ice room. Picking up the delivery boxes full of cupcakes she closed the door with her foot and walked back to her living room. When she returned, she noticed that Levi was looking at some of the old paintings Eliza had given her what seemed like ages ago. He turned and looked at her with his hands in his front pockets.

"These are terrible," he said with a glint in his eye. He turned back towards the paintings.

"Yes," Rowan laughed somberly. "An old friend of mine made those for me."

He turned to look at her when he heard the drop in her voice. Her eyes glazing over the paintings slowly. She seemed far away for a moment like she was stuck in a memory. When her eyes finally lifted back towards hers he held her gaze. She brushed her hair back behind her ear, something that he noticed she did a lot.

"We should go," she said. The corners of her thick lips lifting slightly.

He nodded.

They took their time walking to the Leavitt's house. It was mostly a quiet walk. Rowan was stuck in her head. She was thinking about how she was glad that Levi wasn't nosy and rather quiet. It was still hard for her to talk about Eliza. She knew that some point tonight at the party that Eliza would probably be brought up. She used to be the life of the party. Every time the Leazitt's threw a party and invited Rowan, which was practically every single time, Eliza would insist on her singing for everyone while Erik played the guitar along with whoever else had brought their instruments. They usually had a small band playing lively music. The Leavitt's were friends with basically everyone, after all. Rowan assumed that Mrs. Leavitt would probably ask her to do that tonight. The thought of it made her stomach drop. She didn't know if she could do it without crying, but she'd surely try for them. She loved that family with all her heart. Rowan lifted her head suddenly when she realized they were already there. She turned to Levi.

"So, the only people that know you'll be here are my parents. I told them not to freak out. No one else knows though, so I'm going to apologize in advance if people overwhelm you," she laughed nervously with a pitiful smile. "Once they get the band playing everyone should be distracted enough to leave you alone."

"I'm already regretting accepting your invitation," Levi grunted. Rowan thought she heard the hint of a tease in his tone, so she smiled.

Since her hands were full he knocked on the door for her. She felt nervous as she waited for the door to open. She prayed with all her might that the night didn't get ruined by people practically running over Levi with excitement. A few seconds later, Mrs. Leavitt opened the door. Her colored lips wide with a smile as soon as she saw the red haired girl. She opened her arms and Rowan stepped into them as well as she could with the boxes of cupcakes in her arms. After greeting the girl, Mrs. Leavitt's eyes flitted over towards Levi as she opened her mouth to ask his name, but it faded as recognition washed over her. Her eyes widened as she stuck out her hand. Levi grabbed it and gave a short shake.

"My dear, it is nice to meet you," she exclaimed. Disbelief was evident on her features. "Thank you for all you do. You look so different out of uniform. I almost didn't recognize you."

Levi smiled stiffly and nodded. Rowan noticed he was already starting to get uncomfortable. Mrs. Leavitt seemed to notice too as she motioned for them to come inside. When Levi was a few feet away she nudged Rowan's shoulder and whispered _how do you know him?_

_"_It's a long story," she whispered back with a small giggle.

Rowan was led to a table filled with food and beverages. Opening the boxes, she placed the cupcakes on the table. With her hands on her hips, she admired her work. The cupcakes looked not only cute but delicious as well. When she turned to look around she saw several people that she knew as well as some that she didn't. Everyone was chatting idly. Just across the room, the band was getting ready setting up chairs as well as instruments. She looked for her best friend, Erik, as well as her parents, but didn't see him. She also looked for Levi, but realized he wasn't anywhere in the crowd. _Shit_, she thought. She realized he must still be in the hallway near the front door, so she walked back to where he was still standing. He looked really uncomfortable as he had his hands shoved in his pockets and something that looked really close to a scowl on his face.

"Sorry, I had to go put the cupcakes on the snack table," she muttered. "Are you okay?"

She had gently touched his arm and he flinched a little. The touch seemed to have caught him off guard, so she dropped her hand. He didn't speak. He merely nodded his head and pulled his hands out of his pockets. Rowan smiled at him and opened her mouth to say something.

"Thank you for-"

"Rowan!" Mrs. Leavitt called out from the loud chatter of the main room.

She motioned for her to come over. The auburn-haired girl gave Levi an apologetic smile and walked over to the hazel-eyed woman. She already knew what she was going to say. She wanted Rowan to sing a song to open up the party. Like she did before Eliza died. She let the woman explain her request and Rowan accepted. The nerves started to make her feel sick as she made her way towards the band, which was on a platform. The main room was actually really large and could fit a lot of people. So, they had plenty of room for performing and everyone else had enough space to dance. Rowan let one of the band members give her a hand and when she looked up she realized it was Erik ready with his guitar. She smiled at him nervously and took a deep breath. He motioned for her to turn towards the crowd, so she did. She cleared her throat as loudly as she could, which made the people closest to her quiet down. The people in the front shushed all the people still chattering and soon she had everyone's attention.

"Hello, most of you know me, but for those who don't, I'm Rowan Roth," she said loud and clear. A rush of confidence made her straighten her shoulders as she looked over the crowd. She spotted Jon with his baby pointing at her mumbling something in the child's ear. Farther back she could see the Leavitt's. And even farther back in an abandoned corner of the room, she could see Levi watching her intently. His back was against the wall and his arms were crossed.

"I was Eliza's best friend and as most of you know she passed away last year," a slight crack in her voice made her pause. She swallowed and continued with a small smile. "Well, Eliza loved parties and she loved to make me perform against my will at every single one."

The crowd laughed, which made it easier for her to go on.

"So, in honor of her memory, I'm going to perform without being forced to," she earned another guffaw from the crowd. "This song was one of her favorites. Don't be afraid to dance."

The crowd burst into an array of claps but settled quickly as Rowan took a deep breath when the band started. Then, with Erik as her backup vocals, she began to sing.

"A_h ah, when I was young I-I should've known better._

_And I-I can feel no remorse and you don't feel nothing bad._

_I-I got a new boyfriend._

_Who feels like he's on top._

_And I-I feel no remorse and you can't see past my blindness._

_Oh oh, Ophelia. You've been on my mind, girl, since the flood._

_Oh oh, Ophelia. Heaven help the fool who falls in love."_

It only took a few more minutes to perform the song. When she was finished a single tear slid down her cheek, and she quickly wiped it away with her hand. Then, she bowed for the crowd who had erupted into applause. When she looked in the back she could see Jaina hugging her husband close a bittersweet smile on her face as tears slid down her cheeks. They both clapped loudly. She smiled at them and let her eyes wander to where Levi had been standing. She hadn't looked at him during the whole performance, she had let her eyes look elsewhere. She had been worried that making eye contact with him might've made her stumble over her words while she was performing. He always seemed to have that effect on her. As she met his eyes a small quirk of his lips and clapping of his hands made her heart nearly pound through her chest. She could help the grin that spread over her face as she bowed one last time, then allowed Erik to help her off the stage. She embraced the tall boy and laughed as the band started up another tune that had people forming a circle and hopping around the room. Tugging on her arm, Erik quickly pulled her into the circle, despite her cry of protest. She was a little irritated at first, but the dance soon had spews of giggles falling from her lips.

She turned her head to try and spot Levi. Erik followed her gaze and his eyes widened when he saw who it was, but he kept his mouth closed. Levi was still just watching everyone from the corner. It took a few seconds for the circle to turn enough for her to reach out her hand to the narrow eyed man. He scowled at her and made no move to join the circle. Quickly, the circle did another spin and hop, and when she was close to him again she held out her hand once more. She pleaded at him with her eyes and pouted her dark pink lips. Erik watched them with dark eyes, but neither of them noticed. Finally, he reluctantly gave in and grabbed her hand, he glared at her as he was yanked into the circle. Awkwardly, he stood without moving much, except for a light sway. Rowan realized he didn't know what to do and she yanked on his hand her eyes inclined towards her feet. She kicked her right foot twice, then her left twice, and then she hopped a few times kicking _right, left, right, left._ Then, the circle moved to the right. She showed him once more. He watched her with uncertainty in his eyes as he scowled. Giving in, he tried copying her movements. He was a quick learner and soon knew the steps. He lacked excitement in his dance, so it made him look odd. Nudging the short man, she frowned then emphasized the smile on her mouth as well as her movements. He merely glared at her, but she could tell he was trying to let go of his unease. The dance lasted for a few minutes and by the end of it, everyone was panting and fanning themselves. The redhead smiled at the men on each side of her arm and fanned herself. The party was great so far. Erik was staring at her oddly, but then his eyes quickly darted to Levi. Confused at the strange look on his face, Rowan moved to introduce the captain, but Erik had already opened his mouth and announced loudly;

"Aren't you Captain Levi of the Survey Corps?"

Chaos broke out soon after that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter is almost too long. The song featured in this chapter is Ophelia by The Lumineers. I tweaked the lyrics a tiny bit, because my computer kept trying to autocorrect them and I grew sick of it (haha). What did you think of this chapter? Let me know! I appreciate constructive criticism as well as compliments or other thoughts. See ya'll next chapter!


	6. Overwhelmed

Rowan cursed as she was pushed further away from the captain. Several voices overlapped one another as hands reached out to introduce themselves. People were throwing questions at him from every direction. His eyes darted back and forth as people continued to speak over one another.

"Captain, what are you doing here?"

"Who did you come with?"

Rowan cringed when people started throwing out political questions. She tried to squeeze through the crowd and shoved herself as hard as she could through the crowd of people. When she spotted Erik she threw him a cold glare. She knew he had done that on purpose. His cheeks reddened and he backed away from the crowd. Then, he disappeared. When she was fairly close she noticed that Jaina and her husband were standing in front of Levi. Jaina was smiling to everyone, but there was a fierceness in her eyes.

"Hey, everyone! Leave the poor man alone. I'm sure he came to the party to escape the very things you keep pestering him about. Now, I believe Rowan made some delicious cupcakes that haven't been touched yet," she announced. Then, she began shooing away the people that crowded around the captain. A few grumbles sounded from the crowd, but everyone slowly spread out.

A sigh of relief left Rowan's lips as she was finally free to walk to him. His body was still tense, but his eyes were no longer darting back and forth. Jaina turned towards him and grabbed one of his hands. Rowan was surprised to see he didn't flinch.

"Sorry about that, love," she whispered. "These people go crazy when a little excitement enters their life."

"Thanks for that," Levi said with a short nod of his head. He carefully drew his hand away. Jaina didn't seem to think much of it as she lead her husband away to request a song from the band.

"Hey," Rowan said. She almost resisted the urge to touch him, but gave in and placed her small hand over his shoulder. She expected him to flinch and slightly move away, but he didn't. In fact, he seemed to lean into the hand that touched him. Her chest felt tight as he met her eyes. They were narrowed a little, but his mouth wasn't set into a straight line as usual.

"I regret accepting your invitation," he grumbled. Rowan thought she could hear a light tone of teasing in his voice.

He moved away from her and went to the snack table to grab a drink. He poured himself what looked like whiskey and then waved the bottle in her direction. He was asking if she wanted any. She quickly shook her head and he set the bottle down. He was back by her side in a matter of seconds.

"Ready for me to teach you how to slow dance?" She smiled as he downed the whiskey. He peered at her through the corner of his eye. They had narrowed again.

"Tch, goody" he sighed. Rowan gave him an expression of mock hurt and gently bumped into his shoulder. The corners of his lips seemed to twitch, ut only a little.

He quickly searched for a place to set his drink and Rowan snatched it out of his hand. She told him she'd go drop it off in the kitchen and would be back soon. She almost felt bad for leaving him. A pang of worry made her stomach twist as she imagined everyone crowding around him again. She didn't know how he dealt with it so well. If that many people had crowded around her she would've surely lost her mind. Perhaps he was a little used to the crazy crowds, she thought. Dropping the glass off in the sink, she washed her hands in the sink and hoped that they wouldn't get all clammy again. She wiped her hands off on a towel and lifted her hands to her cheeks. Her skin felt cold now. Sighing, she made her way back to the captain. The band was playing a fast-paced song now. Everyone was twirling in circles and hopping about with their partner. 

And in the same spot she had left him was Levi, with her parents. Her heart nearly stopped when she spotted them. Her cheeks instantly turning red as she imagined the several, most likely embarrassing things they were asking or telling him. Lifting up one side of her skirt, Rowan practically teleported over to the group with how fast her feet carried her. She hoped she still had time to save herself from any more embarrassment. Her mother dressed beautifully in a grey dress with black embellishments and a more tamed version of her usual messy updo lifted her eyes to acknowledge her daughter. She smiled a strange smile, not one that was mischievous, but maybe a little questioning. They had seemed to already introduce one another. Their conversation seemed to be of small talk. Maybe her parents hadn't embarrassed her after all. However, just as the thought played through her mind her father opened his mouth;

"Are you courting my daughter?"

Rowan had to physically stop herself from smacking her own forehead. Growing embarrassed, she glanced at Levi to see his reaction. A strange feeling had begun to settle in her stomach. It felt like several butterflies were fluttering around inside of her and trying to flee her stomach as if it were a cage. The dark-haired man cleared his throat. She swore that she saw his cheeks turn the lightest pink. He merely shook his head and briefly glanced at Rowan.

"We're just friends," he said. His eyes dropped and slid back over to her father.

Rowan felt her heart drop a little at the statement. Mentally shaking herself, she stood up straighter and lifted her eyes. Of course, they were just friends. What else could they be? She knew he wasn't really the type to date. And she knew he had no reason to be interested in her. She was merely a baker's daughter with an easy and most simple life. He was a busy captain with duties much bigger than her. Yet, she still wondered what about her had kept him coming back. Was she truly just a friend in his eyes? Ignoring the chatter of her parents she allowed herself to look at him. She jolted a bit when she realized he had already been looking at her. His steely eyes held a question. They seemed to be pondering if she was alright. So, she smiled and hoped that it would get him to stop looking at her the way he is. The room around them settled down as the fast-paced song ended. Her parents muttered a goodbye and left to chat among other people.

Rowan knew the band would play a slow song next. The band usually had a five minute break before they started their next song. Feeling her tummy rumble, she laid a hand on her stomach and noticed that Levi had watched her hand. She held up a finger and pushed through the crowd to find the snack table. Her cupcakes seemed to be a hit. The boxes were nearly empty. Grabbing two of the yellow frosted cupcakes, she made her way back to the short man and handed him one. He narrowed his eyes at it. 

"It's a cupcake that has alcohol in the batter and lemon frosting. You'll like it!" She insisted as she took a bite of her work.

"You made these?" He inquired.

When she nodded, he glared at the mini dessert and unpeeled the wrapper that covered it. He lifted the cupcake to his mouth and held his free hand under his chin to stop any crumbs from falling on the floor. His face was unreadable as he chewed. Rowan couldn't help but watch the sharp line of his jaw move. She quickly averted her eyes and waited for him to finish the cupcake. He crumbled the wrapper in his hand. 

"There's whiskey in this," he finally said.

"Wow!" She couldn't help but guffaw. "You must have strong tastebuds. There's only a little whiskey in the mix."

He shrugged and held out his hand. She placed the crumbled wrapper in his hand and waited for him to return from throwing it away. She admired how he always wanted to be tidy. Realizing she only had about a minute before they started the slow song she could feel her hands start to feel clammy. She wiped her hands on her skirt and fiddled with a piece of hair that rested near her eyes. Staring out into the crowd, she didn't even notice the captain come back. He watched her for a moment. 

"You seem to have a habit of staring into space like an idiot," he grumbled.

Just as she opened her mouth to say some remark the band began to play a slower, pretty song. Her eyes widened a little as she met Levi's steely eyes.

"Well, I believe it is time for me to show you how to slow dance," she whispered. Her voice was light and airy, like the whistle of a bird.

Reaching for his hand, she looked him in the eye before touching his skin, and he gave a slight nod. She smiled a closed lip smile and started to lead him to the middle of the room. Several pairs of eyes watched them as she began to show him where to keep his hands. When she looked at his face she noticed that he seemed a little flustered. His eyes darted back and forth. His skin felt warm against her own. Something fluttered in her stomach at the sight of it. It was oddly attractive to her for some reason. Maybe it was because she hardly saw him like this. She gently placed one of his hands on the side of her waist, the other she held delicately within her own hand. Then, with a reassuring smile, she began to sway to the music. His eyes seemed to rest on her collarbone as they moved, a little awkwardly at first.

"Don't you ever get invited to balls?" She asked. She hoped that starting a conversation would help to make him feel a little less unnerved.

"Yes," he said in a clipped tone. "I don't really enjoy them, but Erwin insists on me attending."

"What do you do the whole time?"

"_Tch, _get drunk."

She laughed a little at the bluntness of his response. She was beginning to understand his character a little better now that they had spent more time together. She knew him to be a whole mystery and a half. Only time and dedication unveiled the most complex mysteries. As she looked over the hair that hung close to his eyes she wondered if he would allow her to figure him out. He always seemed so guarded. She yearned to know more about him. _We're just friends _echoed in her head and she involuntarily drooped a little at the thought. She didn't notice, but his eyes snapped toward her face. Her eyes cast downward and eyebrows slightly furrowed.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Can I ask you something?" She murmured. Her heavily lashed eyes still appeared a little droopy.

"You don't have to ask permission."

Something about the tone of his voice sent a short wave of chills down her spine. When she looked up she found him staring at her intently. Almost as if she was the only other person in the room. Sometimes she felt as if her heart would explode from the intensity of his eyes. His face hardly ever showed any kind of emotion, but his eyes were what gave Rowan the hope that he was human, just like the rest of us. She wanted him to trust her. She wanted to trust him. Part of her already did, somehow.

"Why did you come?" She whispered. Her green eyes were wide as she looked at him.

He didn't say anything. He suddenly let go of her hand to move a stray tendril out of her face. She hadn't even realized the stray hair there before, but now she felt strangely aware of how close his hand was to rest on her cheek. Her heart started to beat erratically. She wondered if he could hear it. His hand fell and grabbed her hand once more as they swayed to the music. It wasn't awkward at all now. In fact, to Rowan, everything seemed so perfect at this moment. The beautiful music playing in chords through the air. The scent of his cologne around her. The feel of his rough fingers against her skin. Before she knew it, the song ended, but they were still swaying. 

Rowan held her breath as he inched closer. His eyes bright as they focused on her and only her. Her lips parted in response and she nearly closed her eyes, but something made her keep them open. He froze, dropped his gaze to her lips, then just as quickly pulled himself away. Something in his eyes made Rowan take a step back as they darted back and forth. She reached up to put a hand on his shoulder, but he moved away from her hand. Something was wrong and she didn't know what.

"Hey, are you okay?" She asked frantically, desperate to know what was going through his mind. "Do you want to leave? We can go to my place and I can make some tea."

He froze again, his shoulders moving slightly as he took a deep breath. Slowly, he nodded and the strange look in his eyes was gone, although his posture was still rigid. She told him that she had to say goodbye to everyone and that she'd be right back. Moving quickly, she found Jaina and her husband, offered them hugs and said farewell as well as thanking them for inviting her. Then, she found her parents, told them she'd see them later, and quickly ran off before they could ask questions. As she walked back towards Levi she briefly ran into Jon and she quickly muttered a hello and goodbye. When she reached the captain's side she led him out of the house and into the crisp night air.

The walk to her house was silent. Not that she minded. She knew Levi was a quiet man. He rarely spoke of much, but when he did he could have your head reeling. She liked that about him though. He didn't seem so on edge anymore. She convinced herself that the crowdedness of the party must have overwhelmed him. She tried not to think of how close he had been. Or how good he smelled. Or how handsome he looked tonight.

Unlocking her door, her heels clicked against her wooden floors as she allowed him in. He rolled up his sleeves halfway and Rowan guided him to a couch she had. It was an old, ugly thing, but it was comfortable. Besides, she couldn't afford a new one. He sat back on the couch and watched her silently as she disappeared into the kitchen to make some tea. It took a little while, so she poured two glasses of water and brought them out. He accepted the glass and didn't take his eyes off of her as she sat down on the couch. She smoothed her long skirt out. He dropped his gaze to her fingers as they splayed themselves against the fabric

"That color...suits you."

Her heart nearly jumped out of her chest as she glanced at him. A warm blush already settling on her cheeks. He'd never really complimented her appearance before, so the words made her stomach flutter. Standing up, she faced him.

"Thank you," she said with a bright smile. His eyes rested on her mouth for a short second. "I think I'm going to go change into something a little less...fancy. I'll be right back."

Once she made it to her room, she yanked the dress off and searched through her closet and drawers for a suitable pajama set. Most of her nightgowns were a little short and immodest. She liked to think she was a respectable woman and wouldn't dress so skimpily in front of the captain, or anyone for that matter. Picking a beige nightgown she pulled it over her head and gazed in the mirror. It was long enough to be proper, as it rested just below her knees, but the neckline was a little low and it didn't have sleeves. Searching for an old robe she'd been gifted by her grandmother, she opened several more drawers, and let out a quiet _aha_ when she found it. The material was soft and the prettiest shade of pink. The pink reminded her of the colors you'd see in a spring sunset. Soft, a little muted, but still pretty enough to make you stop and stare. Tying the robe around her waist, she glanced in the mirror one last time and ran to the kitchen to pour the tea. 

When she returned to the room Levi was in she found him looking at a shelf that she had used for all her knick-knacks. She liked to collect little trinkets. Anything that caught her eye really. His gaze was scrutinizing as he wiped a finger across the shelf. Puzzled, she lifted a brow as she set the tea set on her small dining table.

"This shelf is fucking gross," he grunted. He wiped his hands together to rid them of the dust. "You need to dust it more regularly."

"Noted," she said with a small smile. He must have been more of a tidy person than she realized.

"Other than that, your home is fairly nice," he said with a shrug of his shoulders as he sat back on the couch. She began to pour some tea.

"I'm sorry about the party. I should've known better than to invite a celebrity to a common get together," Rowan sighed before taking a sip of tea. The liquid was very hot, but she didn't mind the burn on her lips.

"Don't apologize," he said as he leaned back into the couch and crossed one leg over the other. A teacup held awkwardly in his hands. "I, uh...had a good time."

She met his eyes then and looked at him for a moment. Her mouth curved as she looked at him. The corner of his mouth tilted up and she looked away. She wondered if he truly meant it or if he was saying that to make her feel better. She decided that she didn't mind either way. A few minutes of silence passed by as they sipped their tea. It was so quiet, she could hear him breathe. It was calming.

"Do you sing often?" He asked suddenly, which surprised her. 

"When I'm alone," she answered. A short laugh left her lips before she continued. "I don't perform like that anywhere else. Eliza...she loved to hear me sing and always encouraged me to step outside of my comfort zone."

"She must have been a good friend."

"She was."

It was quiet again. Several memories played through her mind as she thought of all the other times Eliza had pushed her to perform. The first time she ever sang in front of a crowd had been a disaster. A smile graced her lips as she thought of it. Levi noticed her staring off into space.

"What has you smiling like an idiot?"

"I was thinking of the first time I ever sang in front of a crowd. I was so nervous that the first few words I sang were too quiet and offkey. I nearly forgot how the song went, but I saw Eliza beaming at me from the crowd and I wasn't as nervous anymore," she reminisced. Her lips began to tremble as her eyes watered. A few tears slid down her cheeks. "I miss her."

He didn't do anything at first. He seemed conflicted with what to do as he watched the tears roll down her cheeks. Slowly, he reached up and ruffled her hair. His hand slid down to her cheek and wiped the tears that freely fell from her eyes. She leaned into his hand and enjoyed how it felt. Then, she straightened up and moved her face away from his hand. Her skin flushed as she wiped the remainder of the tears off with the fabric of her robe. An apology followed with a nervous laugh left her lips as she moved her hair out of her face.

He merely shook his head and finished off his tea. The room was silent once more. The pair seemed to be lost in their thoughts as more tea was poured. Rowan wasn't sure when she started to drift off, but her head leaned against the back of the couch and the room disappeared. 

A _whoosh_ of air and a sudden jerk of her head made her eyes snap open. She groaned as she palmed the back of her neck. She realized she had fallen asleep on the couch. Searching for Levi, she picked up the blanket that had been placed over her. It usually rested on the back of her couch. A wide smile graced her mouth when she realized who had placed the blanket on her. Noticing the tea set was gone from her dining table she pushed herself off of the comfortable cushions and walked into her kitchen. There weren't any dishes in her sink, so she opened her cupboards and discovered her tea set practically sparkling with immaculateness. Yawning loudly, the red-haired woman made her way to her bedroom where her bed beckoned her. She didn't bother to check if her door was locked. She knew that Levi had already taken care of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! This chapter is a little short. I have no idea why, but I struggled writing this chapter. It's kinda annoying, especially since I was on a roll before (haha). What do you guys think? I don't have someone who will proofread for me and I hate proofreading my own work, so I apologize for any mistakes. If you see one, just let me know and I'll fix it. The other day I somehow switched from writing in the third person to writing in the first person, so I must have been reeaallly tired, and I really hope I haven't done that and not noticed in any other of these chapters. Also, what do you guys think of my oc? I wanted her to have certain qualities that were classically feminine, but I still didn't want her to become a Mary Sue. Please let me know what you think! I truly appreciate any comments, bookmarks, and kudos Till next time!


	7. Nightmare

_A girl with red hair was standing in a field full of yellow roses. It seemed peaceful. The sun was bright and the breeze was gentle. She could feel the warmth of the sky radiating on her back. She didn't know where she was, but she didn't mind at all. Something tugged at her shoulder and she turned to see a face she hadn't seen in a while._

_"Rowan," Eliza said with a bright smile. She was wearing her favorite pale green garment, a summer dress._

_It hadn't been a second before the red-haired girl smashed her friend in a hug. After a few seconds, she pulled away and saw the smile was gone from her friend's face. The sky seemed darker. The air was colder and bit at her spine. She shivered._

_"Eliza? What's wrong?" _

_Eliza's big hazel eyes weren't looking at her. They were looking at some place behind Rowan. Following her gaze, she turned her body and saw Levi standing just across the field. The roses in the field were no longer yellow, but instead a dark red. Almost the color of old blood. He was watching them strangely. His steely eyes widened as he stood rigidly several feet away from them._

_"I don't like him," Eliza whispered. Her eyes narrowed with malice._

_"Eliza, what's going on?" Rowan begged. _

_"Don't you see?" The brunette wailed. Her nails dug into Rowan's arm, which caused her to wince. "He's making you forget about me! About Erik!"_

_Rowan felt her heart move rapidly in her chest. She glanced in Levi's direction. He was still just watching them. His fists were clenched at his sides. When she looked back at her friend she reached up to brush her hair out of her eyes. The wind seemed to be picking up more._

_"I could never forget about you or Erik," Rowan said with complete honesty. "Eliza, you're my best friend. Erik is my friend." _

_"No, no, you lie!" She shrieked. Her voice distorting as her normal appearance began fading away like an old drawing. _

_Rowan couldn't breathe. She couldn't speak. She couldn't move as she watched Eliza's skin turn grey, rotten like a dead fish. Her eyes were glossed over and filmy. Dried blood crusted near her mouth. The air smelled so foul that it nauseated her. The nails embedded in her skin dug even deeper as Eliza's fingers turned skeletal. She cried out and tried to pry the hand off of her skin. She was bleeding now. The tears fell down her face as she struggled to get away from the corpse of her friend. She screamed for someone. For Eliza. For Levi. No one answered and no one came. The bony hands wrapped around her throat and Rowan struggled to scream. The flowers in the field were beginning to decay. The rigid stems covered in thorns attached themselves to her as she fell into the dying field that had been so peaceful only minutes ago. _

_Eliza's corpse had disappeared. The hands at her throat gone, but the thorns covered her body as she struggled to escape the attack of the dead flowers. A flash of black hair caught her eye as she reached up with her hand. Levi was standing above her. His eyes cold as he watched her be swallowed up by the thorns. A scream of despair struggled to leave her throat as the thorns crawled inside her mouth and choked her._

Jolting straight out of her bed, a scream died on her lips as she scratched at her throat. Gasping for air, she felt tears stream down her cheeks as she struggled to regain her composure. She took several deep breaths and repeated _it was just a dream_ over and over in her head. A loud crash made her jump as she yelped once more. Jumping out of her bed, she stupidly ran into her living room to see what had made the noise. Crashing into something hard, she bounced off and fell on her ass. A sharp pain went through her lower back. She pushed herself away from the boots she saw in front of her and prepared to scream. 

"Hey!" A familiar voice called. Hands reached down and grabbed gently at her shoulders. The hands were rough and dry. 

Looking up, a rush of relief washed over her when she realized it was only Erik. He stuck his hand out to her and she took it. He leaned back and pulled her up from the floor. Taking a deep breath, she fixed her hair and straightened her nightgown. He tried to reach for her, but she stepped back and held up a hand. Her pink lips set in a hard line. He gulped and nodded his head. His hand fell back to his side as he watched her with bugging eyes. He knew exactly what she was going to say.

"Thanks for busting in here to check on me," she stated with a heavy sigh. "But, I, am angry with you."

"Yeah, yeah I know, but before we get started on that...what happened? Why were you screaming?" He asked. His hazel eyes were bright with genuine concern. He had always been really caring.

"I had a nightmare," she sighed as she distractedly twirled a hair around her finger. She nearly shuddered when she thought of the dream. "It was bad."

"Do you want to talk-?" 

"Not about that," she quickly cut in. "It was just a dream. However, what I do want to talk about is how you acted so rudely at the party!"

"I know," he started. A hand slid across the back of his neck and a sigh left his mouth. "I actually wanted to apologize for that. To you and to the Captain. I'm just not sure how to get in contact with him."

Quickly glancing at the grandfather clock she had in her living room, she realized that she had to be at the bakery soon. And she was almost completely certain that Levi would be there. She crossed her arms and inclined her head a little.

"I have to be at the bakery soon," she said. "I'm sure he'll be there. He usually stops for tea."

"Oh, perfect. Thank you," Erik dropped his head and the hand on the back of his neck dropped.

"Just give me about ten minutes to get ready and you can walk with me," Rowan said quickly as she turned to go get dressed, not bothering to wait for Erik's reply. She wasn't facing him, but she could clearly see him sitting down in his preferred spot in her mind.

Closing her door with a _thump_, she opened her dresser and closet to find an outfit for the day. She eventually settled on a beige blouse that had pretty buttons down the front and a pair of worn, but comfy trousers she had. Throwing her clothes on, she found her everyday boots and laced them up, as well as twisting her curls so she could pin them on to of her head. After a glance in the mirror, she put her dirty clothes in her laundry basket and head out of the room. Her boots clicked against the wooden floor and when she reached the living room she jerked her chin towards the door and Erik got up to follow her. Locking the door behind them, she remained silent as they walked down the stone street.

It was quiet for a few seconds. She wondered if he was trying to figure out what to say or if he just didn't know how to start. So, she patiently waited and smiled at the people who walked by. Erik had his hands shoved in his pockets as they walked. His nose occasionally twitching as he thought of what to say. Rowan nearly smiled at the little nose twitch. She always thought it was a little cute. When he finally looked at her he bit his lip and sighed.

"I am really sorry I did what I did at the party," he began. He sounded genuine and slightly embarrassed. She could see his cheeks begin to turn pink as he swallowed thickly. "I think I was just...jealous."

He quickly looked away. His eyes were focused intently on the ground as if it was the only thing he could look at. Maybe it was. Rowan wanted to say something, but she didn't know what, so she remained quiet. Her heart fluttered strangely. It didn't feel light. It felt heavy. Just as she opened her mouth to accept his apology, so that way she'd be saying something, he pulled the door open to the bakery. Her father usually arrived first to open the store. Once they were inside she placed a tentative hand on her friend's shoulder. He looked at her hand, then up at her eyes. Something she didn't recognize or maybe didn't want to recognize burned there. She almost dropped her hand but didn't. Opening her mouth, she didn't know what was about to come out, but the chime of a bell both made them turn to see who had walked in. A surge of relief washed over her as she realized it was Levi. Her hand dropped as she smiled at the captain. She didn't notice the dark look in Erik's eyes, but it quickly disappeared as the short man drew closer. A pair of steely eyes flitted between them. His expression was as dull as ever.

"Hello, Levi," Rowan acknowledged him with a nod of her head. He returned the gesture and let his eyes move over to the tall man in front of him.

He quickly looked the man up and down. Rowan could've sworn she saw the slightest twitch of Levi's lip as he looked over her friend. He remained silent as he glared at Erik. Even Rowan started to feel intimidated by the ice gare he gave her friend. Trying to break the uncomfortable silence, she moved in Erik's direction and lightly nudged his arm. Levi noticed the light touch but quickly lifted his eyes as if he had never seen it at all. The tall man thrust his hand in Levi's direction. 

"Uh, hello Captain, I'm Erik uh, Leavitt," he started awkwardly with a cough. His hand remained untouched as the captain continued to stare at the man. "I'm Rowan's best friend. I just wanted to apologize for what I did at the party. Um, it was very callous of me and I'm sure you didn't want the attention."

Erik ended his apology with a short nod as if he was concluding his thoughts and continued to let his hand hang in the air. Rowan nervously picked at her fingernails as her eyes went back and forth between the two men. Even though Erik was taller by quite a bit, Levi held a much stronger, more consuming presence. He may be smaller, but he somehow overshadowed Erik. The dark-haired man glanced down at the outstretched hand once more and turned away from the man in front of him. But he did nod his head and Rowan felt relief wash over her once more. Erik let his hand fall as he nervously watched the captain pull out a chair and sit with his legs crossed. He glanced over at rowan with questioning eyes and she smiled and nodded. He merely nodded and leaned back on his heels.

"Well, I better go, I really am sorry," he whispered as he touched her arm before moving to leave.

Rowan grabbed his arm and pulled him into a hug and was enveloped by his familiar scent. His big arms quickly enveloped her and she felt an exhale of relief blow against her hair. Smiling, she pulled away and looked up at him.

"You're forgiven," she said gently, but not without an undertone of seriousness as she continued. "Levi is my friend too. So don't do anything like that again."

With a short nod, he looked over Rowan's face once more before exiting through the door. The bell chimed brightly after the door shut. Feeling a bit of unease, she continued to pick at her fingernails as she stared at the door. She knew that he would've come to apologize at some point. He was good in that aspect. He knew when he did something wrong and he always apologized. She didn't expect him to tell her that he reason why he had done it was because of jealousy. There had been something more between them since Eliza died. Something that settled in the air around them, like a cloud. She could see it in his eyes sometimes. She never knew how to react or what to do. In fact, every time it ever popped into her head she'd quickly push it back out again. A hand slid across the back of her neck as she stared blankly at the door. 

"Do you like him or something?" Levi asked suddenly. Rowan jumped and gave a nervous laugh as she turned towards him. A blush spread over her cheeks when she realized she must have looked like a fool. Leaning on the back of the empty chair at Levi's table, she brushed a stray hair out of her eyes and looked through her eyelashes at him.

"I don't know," she said honestly. "It's all so confusing. I think I might like someone else...er, actually nevermind."

Quickly standing upright, Rowan awkwardly smoothed her shirt and told the short man she'd be right back with his tea. She ignored the glare he shot her as she walked towards the back to say hello to her dad and grab her old apron. She called out to her dad as she grabbed her apron off the rack to tie around her neck. Coming out of the ice room, her dad smiled at her, a large box in his arms. Probably a large cake, Rowan decided. He set the box down on the counter and smoothed down his apron. 

"Hey, kid, your mom is actually coming in today if you want to take the day off and go spend time with your..._friend_," he said the last word with a short wink. Rowan smacked his arm lightly and rolled her eyes.

"How did you know he was here?" She asked with a light smile.

"Ah, I could hear you guys talking," he muttered as he fiddled with the edges of the box.

"Oh," she said as she hung up the apron."Well, I suppose I'll go see if he's free. See you later, dad."

He waved her off and she left the back. Making her way back towards Levi's table, she placed her hands on the edge of the table and leaned down. His eyes flickered downwards for a second but quickly met her own eyes. A blush spread across her cheeks when she realized that he probably saw a bit of her cleavage since the shirt was a tiny bit low, but she brushed the thought out of her head. Her lips lifted into a sweet smile.

"So, can I share a pot of tea with you? You don't have to pay," she asked with a voice as sweet as candy. "My dad is letting me have the day off. Ya busy?"

"_Tch,_" left his mouth, but she could see the faint lift of his mouth. "I'm free."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry it took me so long to update. Life has been throwing me around with college, work, and a recent breakup. Writing has actually helped me feel a bit better. So, I just realized that most of my chapters have the most basic ass names, but oh well. Let me know what you guys think! Whether it be a compliment or constructive criticism. I appreciate both. Also, thanks to everyone who reads this! I know it's not the most well-written story, but the kudos, comments, and bookmarks make me feel a little better about my writing abilities. I apologize for any mistakes. I don't really proofread much, so if you find a big mistake, just let me know and I'll fix it. Till next time!


	8. A Day For Us

"He's in love with you."

"Huh?" Rowan squeaked. Clearing her throat, she brushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "Erik? I wouldn't say he's _in love with me_."

"_Tch, _whatever you say."

Rowan had been following Levi for the past several minutes. She wasn't entirely sure where they were going, but she didn't mind. She recognized the neighborhood they were in, at least. The bakery had a couple of shops and a tavern close by, but if you took a couple turns and several steps, then you'd find yourself in a busier market square. The dress shop she had bought her party dress from was in this neighborhood. She could spot the window full of pretty designs just across the street and she slowed her steps to admire them for a moment.

"Rowan, get your ass over here," he called, his voice bordering on irritated as he stood a few feet away.

His hands were stuffed into the pockets of his black pants as he waited for her to catch up. She began to notice that he didn't have a lot of variation in his wardrobe. It seemed that black and white were the only colors he really wore, besides the colors of his uniform. Thinking of colors, she realized she didn't know his favorite color. Or his birthday. Or even what his hobbies were. Finally catching up, she nervously wrung her hands, which of course, he noticed and told her to stop fidgeting. 

"Can I ask you a question?" She said finally. "Or, um I suppose multiple questions?"

"Ask and I'll see if I feel like answering them," he said as he wiped underneath his nose. The sleeves of his white shirt were rolled up around his elbows and she could see the faint pale pink lines of scars on his arms.

"Okay...what's your favorite color?"

"Are you serious?" He raised a thin dark brow. His face was scrunched up in a grimace.

"Oh come on, just humor me," she gave a short laugh. She hoped it didn't sound nervous.

"_Tch_...I like white," he said slowly with a shrug.

"_White?_ I thought that was a shade, not a color," Rowan shrieked as an irrepressible smile graced her face. "What's your favorite color, not shade?"

"Why the fuck does it matter? White is..white is, erm, clean looking," he explained awkwardly. Rowan could swear she saw his cheeks turning pink. "I guess green isn't bad. Like, the color of grass."

"Emerald green is my favorite color," Rowan announced with a little smile on her face. She watched as the pink faded from his cheeks. His steely eyes met hers for a moment. "What are your hobbies?"

"Are all your questions going to be like this?" He said with a quick roll of his eyes.

"Maybe. Just answer them."

"I clean...a lot."

"That's it?" Now it was Rowan's turn to raise her eyebrow.

"I don't really have a lot of time to fuck around," he said with more irritation lingering on the edges of his voice. 

"Yeah, sorry. I'm sure being a captain is very time-consuming. How do you stay sane?" Rowan half-joked.

The short man shrugged and she watched as a light breeze picked up a few black strands. Letting her eyes wander, she watched as the silky strands settled back down against the paleness of his cheek. His skin was incredibly smooth looking and even when she squinted she couldn't see any pores. Self-consciously, she brushed a hand against her cheek and wondered how his skin was so much nicer than hers. She decided he must have inherited it from one of his parents. Suddenly, a new question popped in her head.

"What are your parents like?" She asked innocently.

The dark-haired man stopped in his tracks and looked at her. His blue-grey eyes flashed in the light of the sun. She couldn't help as she took a step back under the scrutiny of his icy gaze. A feeling of dread settled low in her stomach as she realized she had touched a sensitive subject. Her hand reached out hesitantly to touch his shoulder.

"Sorry," she muttered quickly. "You don't need to answer that."

His gaze softened a fraction at her words and she let her hand fall. Her fingers plucked at the fabric of her pants nervously and she started walking again. It wasn't hard for him to step in tune with her and it was quiet for a few minutes. She didn't want to ask any more questions if they would bring another reaction like that. Despite the mortification, she felt from the look he had given her, she couldn't help but wonder why he had reacted that way. Were his parents dead? Or maybe malicious people? Shooing away the thoughts, she kept her eyes down. He cleared his throat suddenly and she couldn't help but glance over.

"My mother is dead and I never knew my father," he said quietly. He sounded like he was trying to come across as indifferent, but she could hear something else underneath his usual drone. Was it sadness? It must've been.

"I'm sorry," she said sincerely as she met his eyes. He didn't keep eye contact for long.

His face had begun to twist a little. His eyebrows were drawn and his mouth tight. Rowan thought it looked like he was conflicted with whatever he was thinking about. Was he thinking of his mother? He swiped a hand underneath his nose and she noted that he had done that a few times in front of her. She wondered if it was an anxious tic. 

"My mom used to sing a bit, erm...like you. She only sang for me at home," he admitted suddenly. His eyes were staring off into the distance.

"Did you like it?" She asked with a smile. She was thrilled that he felt comfortable enough to share this with her.

"Uh yeah, she had a nice voice. Not very strong though," he said with the smallest curve of his lip. His eyes were moving back and forth like he was lost in a memory. It didn't last long though, and he settled back into his signature plain expression. His eyes met hers and she held her breath. "I like it when you sing."

Everything was still for a moment. She let her eyes wander over his face for the second time that day. They lingered on his lips for a second. They were small, but attractive, nonetheless. She couldn't help the pull she felt in her chest, but she didn't move. With a pleasant feeling spreading over her like a warm blanket she smiled at him. Then, it was Levi's turn to hold his breath.

"Well, I suppose I'll have to do it more often," she chirped as she leaned into him playfully. Her lips were still spread in that sweet smile. 

"Yeah, yeah," he sighed with a roll of his eyes. "Don't overdo it."

"Ugh never," she giggled. 

Then, they walked in comfortable silence. She didn't recognize the neighborhood they were in now. It wasn't as packed as the market square, but it still carried the sound of voices throughout the streets. Two children were heading in their direction making a ruckus as they ran. They couldn't have been more than eight or nine. The children ran around the pair of them and she was briefly reminded of when she had been a child. She remembered how Erik used to be afraid of lizards when he littler, so Eliza would chase him with one in her hand to frighten him. He eventually grew out of the odd fear and Eliza found other ways to terrorize him. A smile ghosted over Rowan's lips. Bringing herself out of her head, she glanced around and wondered how much farther they had to go. The suspense was too much now and she finally asked Levi where they were going. 

"We're going to the stables," he muttered. "Quit being impatient."

"The stables?" She repeated. What stables? Her eyebrows shot up into her hair when she realized what stables he meant. "You mean, like, the stables used for the scout regiment?!"

"Where else?" He answered.

"Am I even allowed to be there?" Rowan wondered aloud as she quickly swiped her hair out of her face.

"I'm a captain, remember? Did you not get enough sleep last night? Your brains are shit today."

"Uh, well...," Rowan winced as she glanced at him. He turned in her direction and glared intently at her.

"You didn't sleep well last night? Why?" He demanded.

"It's nothing major," she tried to get him off of the subject, but she could tell by the look in his eyes that he expected an answer. She thought that the bossy, captain side of him was really showing. "I just had a nightmare."

"Of what?" 

Rowan stiffened at the question and twisted her hands. Biting her lip, she looked at him and hoped that he'd stop pressing. She definitely wasn't comfortable with him knowing that _he_ was part of her nightmare. She wasn't sure how he'd take the information. Recognition lit up in his eyes for a moment and he nodded. 

"I'll let you off this time," he said as he awkwardly raised his hand to ruffle her hair.

Giving an exasperated sigh, she fixed her hair and she could've sworn she saw him smirk, but like always, it only lasted a second. The minutes passed by and the nerves started to settle in her stomach as they entered an area that she'd never even seen before. It honestly wasn't much different than the rest of the wall. The buildings were fairly similar, but the people looked different. Soon, they were surrounded by men and women in uniform. The wings of freedom standing out from the back of their jackets. Several scouts stopped and saluted Levi, which he waved off. Nearly every person stopped to stare at her and mumble something to whoever they were standing with. Rowan started to feel extremely self-conscious and started wringing her hands. Her eyes didn't leave the ground. Noticing her reaction out of the corner of his eye, he turned his head sharply with narrowed eyes in the direction of the scouts watching with nosy eyes. As if they were struck by lightning, the scouts quit mumbling and moved along. Levi grabbed hold of her wrist and started dragging her out of the view of everyone. Her skin felt electric where he touched her and couldn't help but stare as he led her. 

It didn't take long before she could tell that they were close to the stables. She could smell it in the air. The smell of cut grass and manure. Her nose wrinkled at the competing smells. Once the stables came into view he dropped her wrist and made his way towards the horses all lined up in their own stalls. She had never ridden a horse before and she nervously watched as he reached for a beautiful grey horse.

"I've never ridden before," she said quickly.

Sighing, he gave the grey horse a quick pat and moved along to the next stall to a humongous black horse. He took his time petting the horse and mumbling something to it that Rowan couldn't hear. This must've been his horse, she decided. It was magnificent. It stood proudly before the two of them and its large, dark eyes seemed to take in the girl a few feet from him. Levi reached his hand out to her and she hesitantly let him lead her hand to the nose of the horse. The horse snorted and Rowan quickly pulled her hand away. Grabbing her hand once more, Levi placed her hand on the nose of the beast and it leaned into her palm. Rowan felt her heart race when she realized that Levi was incredibly close to her. So close that she could feel his breath on the back of her neck. She tried to suppress a shiver as he pulled his hand away to let her stroke the horse's neck. She felt a pang of disappointment when he took a few steps back.

"He likes you," he stated. His voice sounded strained and he quickly cleared his throat. "You're going to ride with me."

Nodding, she moved out of the way, so the dark-haired man could lead the horse out of the stall to dress him in his saddle. The process only took a few minutes and she watched silently. Once Levi felt that the saddle was secure, he gestured for her to come closer, and she glided over. He was still for a moment but moved her to the side of the horse where the saddle rested and he started to bend a bit lower. He cupped his hands and nodded his head towards his hands. Grabbing a hold of his shoulder tightly, she stepped into his hand and he pushed her up as if she weighed nothing at all. She quickly swung her leg over the side of the horse and scooted forward on the saddle. She was grateful she had decided to wear pants today, instead of a skirt, she could imagine how uncomfortable it would be to sit side-saddle. Levi hoisted himself up with ease and her breath hitched in her throat when she realized how close he was. The heat of his body practically radiated into her back and she felt herself blush. Grabbing hold of the reigns, he made an urging sound by clicking his tongue and the horse started to move out of the stables. Rowan felt incredibly uncomfortable as she tried to sit straighter so her body didn't connect to him as much, and she heard an irritated sigh behind her. 

"Lean against me," he said gruffly.

"O-okay," she mumbled as she awkwardly leaned back.

It was definitely more comfortable than trying to sit as straight as a board. It took a few minutes for her to let go of the awkward and anxious feeling that lingered in her stomach, but once she did she realized that it was actually really pleasant. She didn't even pay any attention to wherever they were going as she focused on the slight rise of his chest and the warmth that emanated from him. There was also a scent that lingered around him, it wasn't overbearing, but rather light. It was strong enough that she kept breathing deeply and let it fill her senses. The scent reminded her of something clean, like scented soap, but something a bit heavier as well. She couldn't find a name for it, however. She closed her eyes and listened to the sounds around them. She could hear the _click-clomp _of the horse's hooves against the ground. She could hear birds chirping off in the distance. She could hear the slight breeze that would occasionally pick up stray hairs of hers. Her favorite sound, however, was the soothing sound of Levi breathing. It hardly took five minutes before sleep claimed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being a little longer than I originally planned. I'm sorry if any of you guys feel this story is too slow, but I promise the next chapter will be a bit more exciting. I plan to finally introduce some of our favorite characters. As well as throw some danger and angst in the mix. It'll be great (haha). Like always, if you see any mistakes, just let me know and I'll fix them. Y'all know I appreciate any kind of support, so if you feel like leaving any, just go ahead and throw it at me;) Till next time!


	9. A Friend

A light touch on the side of her head, running through her hair, had woken her up from the short nap she had taken. The fingers threaded in her hair quickly untangled themselves. She sat up a bit and turned around, an auburn brow raised slightly. She briefly wondered if she'd had a bug crawling through her hair. Of course, his expression gave absolutely nothing away.

"Your hair kept hitting me in the face," Levi grumbled. Rowan nearly laughed at the taut expression on his face.

Looking around, Rowan realized she had no idea where the hell they were, but that it was beautiful. It seemed like they were on an upper plane of a mountain or maybe even a cliff, she couldn't tell from where the horse paced. It must've been mid-afternoon and the sun was at its highest, the wind carried a bit of a chill, but she could still feel the rays of sun reaching down towards them. Spread out before them was rolls of hills and a full view of the city, shades of brown and grey that stood strongly. She couldn't hear the sounds of the city that she'd grown acquainted with, the busy voices and _click-clank _of rolling cartwheels, as well as music. Wherever they were, was quiet and serene. Immediately, Rowan sank back against the man behind her. A sigh of amazement left her lips as she watched a flock of birds soar way above her head in the sky. She had already decided that she could spend forever gazing out at this very scene. 

Suddenly, the very thing that was holding her up disappeared from behind her and she yelped as she fell back against the horse. A playful scowl twisted her features as she looked to the short man who was now tying the horse's reigns to one in a series of posts that she'd never even noticed before. When he finally looked up, she was glaring at him with crossed arms, her full lips pouting slightly. The corners of his lips lifted up just the tiniest bit.

"That expression doesn't suit you," he murmured as he held out a sturdy hand. She rolled her eyes and grabbed the hand he offered, her pants rustling as she jumped off the horse and her feet hit the ground.

"This is fantastic," she expressed with stretched out arms that gestured to the scenery around them. "Do you come here often?"

"Not as often as I'd like," he said as he tilted his head a bit. "I'm usually hanging out with your annoying ass in my free time."

"Well, I must not be that annoying if you keep hanging around," she giggled. He scowled a bit at that statement.

Stepping past the posts, Rowan walked a few steps and sat down in the grass, it had started to turn a pale yellow with the changes of season. She leaned back on her hands and wriggled her fingers against the brittle grass. Soon, Levi sat down next to her and stared out at the city. Rowan closed her eyes for a moment and inhaled, she thought the air up here seemed fresher, maybe it was due to lack of bustling people. Opening her eyes, she could feel him gazing at her, but she didn't acknowledge it.

"You know," she started in confidence. Her pulse picked up a bit as she let the words slip out of her mouth. "I like you a lot."

She didn't regret the words as they flew out of her mouth, but she couldn't help the butterflies that banged around in her stomach. For a moment, she wondered what she meant by her statement. Was she hoping she'd gain something from it? From what she knew of him, Levi didn't seem like the type to outright confess to someone or even compliment someone for that matter. Though, he had painfully spared her a few compliments, which she thought of often. Was she crazy for thinking he might like her back? Maybe as more than just a friend? Rowan's own realization of her feeling's hit her straight in the stomach, like a punch. She didn't let it show as she inhaled the November breeze. A certain weight seemed to remove itself from her shoulders and she didn't even mind when he said nothing in return. He'd known exactly what she meant. So, they sat together in peaceful silence for a while.

Rowan had laid back in the grass and had nearly fallen asleep again when Levi pushed himself to his feet. He wiped stray pieces of grass away from his pants and held out a hand, his palm upwards. With a sigh, she sat up and grabbed it. Maybe more time had passed than she'd realized.

"Let's go," he instructed. "It'll be dinner time soon."

She nodded and waved away his hand, to which Levi's eyebrows drew themselves together for a moment. After she stood up, she brushed the dying grass off of her rear and moved to the horse. To Levi, Rowan seemed distant, which he wasn't used to. In truth, she was trying not to make things awkward, she thought that maybe touching him wasn't the best idea. Her tongue was still as well as he helped her up, except for when she mumbled a brief thank you with a small smile. Untying the reins and hauling himself up, he placed himself behind her and carefully reached around her to grab the reins. Her eyes were elsewhere as Levi gently patted the side of the horse and it started to trot away from the posts. Since she was awake, Rowan's eyes traveled over the path that the horse was walking down. It was devoid of grass and a little bumpy, rocks splattered all along the path, and the horse's steps felt uneven as it moved along. Suddenly, the horse yanked his head to the side and went still, and Rowan could feel Levi's body stiffen behind her. She looked around but didn't see anything. Levi freed one hand and reached down to stroke the horse's neck, murmuring soothing words, but it still yanked its head and knickered loudly. A syllable left his mouth, but before he could finish his warning, the horse began to buck and throw its body sideways. With a yelp, Rowan reached for something to hold onto and screamed when she realized her legs weren't squeezing as tight as they could. A sound of alarm left Levi's throat as he struggled to calm the horse and throw an arm around the red-haired girl's waist at the same time, but it was too late. A scream left Rowan's throat as she was thrown off from the side of the beast. The ground met her quickly and all she felt was sharp pain against her temple, then it all went black.

A throbbing pain in her skull had woken her up from the blackness that had engulfed her. As she opened her eyes, she winced and a small whine left her throat. The lights sent a wave of discomfort behind her eyes and she squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. The second time she tried, it was easier to deal with, but she struggled to completely open her eyes. She didn't feel right; her body felt stiff, her face felt thick, and her mind felt groggy as if it was filled with a thick fog. She could barely move her head as she looked around the room. The room she was in was plain, except for the counter full of what looked like medical supplies, and the bed she rested in. A woman with chestnut-colored hair and glasses had her back turned to Rowan, in her hands, she held a clipboard and was writing something down. A doctor? She tried to clear her throat and found it dry, so no sound came out. Swallowing thickly, she tried again and a small cough caught the spectacled woman's attention. The woman turned around, a sound of excitement leaving her throat, and a wide smile showed off her teeth. Rowan nearly backed up against the frame of the bed in fright when she saw the slightly crazed look in the woman's brown eyes.

"Hello!" The woman greeted and threw herself as well as the clipboard onto the end of the bed. "I'm Hange! I've heard so much about you."

The woman enthusiastically grabbed Rowan's hand and squeezed her fingers, in greeting. The red-haired girl winced and Hange let go of her hand as if it had burned her. "Whoops. My bad."

"What happened?" Rowan asked as she pushed herself up a bit further. Her body felt as if she been trampled on by wild stallions. 

"Levi didn't give many details. You really scared him! Barely took a second to calm down and explain. I had to send him away for a bit" Hange admitted as she pushed up her glasses, a knowing look glistened in her eyes. "All I know is you got thrown from a horse and whacked your head on a rock. You bled _a lot_."

"Is Levi okay?" She whispered. Everything had come back to her in a moderate rush of images and feelings. She briefly wondered what had frightened the horse.

"Aren't you sweet," Hange said with a click of her tongue and an abrupt shove of her glasses on her nose. "Just got thrown off a horse and knocked out, but you're worried about the ol' clean freak. Yes, he's fine. His shirt was covered in your blood, so I assume when I sent him away he went to go shower."

"Ah," Rowan said with a small nod. She wanted to see him, soon.

"Are you hungry?" Hange asked suddenly. The girl nodded and the chestnut-haired woman rose and snatched up the clipboard. "I'll be back in a few. Don't go anywhere, you're bruised up a bit."

Then, Hange was gone and Rowan took a deep breath. Her head still throbbed, despite the loud, odd woman being gone. Hange seemed likable, but at the moment, the woman's energy was a bit much for her. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to think of something to distract herself from the pain. Her stomach grumbled as if she hadn't eaten in a day. How many hours had she been out? It couldn't have been more than a few, she decided. Feeling a little warm, she pushed the covers on the bed down a bit and fanned herself. Her eyes widened when she caught sight of her blood stained blouse. The blood had splattered onto her right shoulder and down towards her midsection. An image of Levi covered in her blood flashed behind her eyes and she felt a sick feeling rise in her stomach. She had heard once that head wounds bled a lot, but she never thought much of it till now. She swallowed the bile in her throat down, wishing that she could bathe and change out of the soiled blouse. Her pale fingers reached for the side of her head that throbbed and she gasped as the puckered skin, she had stitches. A few minutes later, the door to her room swung open, startling Rowan, and in walked Hange and Levi, his hair damp. His lips were pressed in a thin line and his steely eyes slightly widened. They flashed a bit when he saw her lying there with the fresh stitches on the side of her head. 

"You alright?" He asked immediately. He stood by the edge of her bed, almost hesitantly.

"Yes," she nodded fervently. "My head just feels a bit groggy and...the stitches hurt a bit."

"I gave her some drugs for the pain," Hange added in, excitedly, and holding up her index finger. "Nothing too strong. It'll wear off within an hour or so."

Then she thrust a thick slice of bread and a small portion of cheese into Rowan's lap. She accepted the food, mumbled a thank you, and nibbled on the cheese. A sharp, screechy sound made Rowan wince and press a hand against her temple. Looking over, she realized Levi had dragged a chair across the wooden floor. His eyes narrowing as he sat down in the seat.

He inclined his head a bit and grumbled."Sorry."

"Ah yes," Hange suddenly said. Somehow startling the girl tucked into the hospital bed."She has a mild concussion. It may take a week or so to heal itself. I recommend lots of rest. No more spontaneous romantic rides."

Rowan thought she saw Levi's tinge pink, and he looked as if he might spout a retort, but he didn't. "Thanks, Hange."

"No problem!" She fixed her glasses again. "Well, I'll let you two talk. I wouldn't recommend too much physical activity, like kissing and heavy pet-"

Lightning fast, Levi jumped up from the chair and grabbed a roll of gauze from the counter. He threw it and it moved in a blur towards Hange's head, but she quickly ducked out of the room and shut the door. The gauze rolled around on the floor and he bent to pick it up, placing it in its rightful place. Rowan thought she heard a maniacal laugh disappear down the hall on the other side of the door. Stifling a laugh, she brushed her hair out of her face and felt her cheeks warm. He sat back in his chair, ran a hand through his damp hair, and shook his head. 

He looked up at her. "Sorry. She's kind of fucking insane."

"No, no," she shook one of her hands. "She seems very interesting."

"_Tch. _That's one word you could use."

She smiled a bit at that and picked at her nails. Her head hurt a bit if she moved around too much, so she leaned back against the headboard. It might've been a bit vain, but she wondered if the stitches on her head made her look ugly. The skin had to be puckered and reddened from the blow. A flash of her falling off the horse and hurling towards the ground played in her head. She could remember it a bit more clearly now. The horse had definitely been scared of something. Something she never saw. 

"What scared the horse?" She inquired quietly.

"I didn't see anything. It could've been a snake. Maybe even a lizard. Fuck, maybe even a mouse."

"A snake? Lizards?" She asked incredulously. "Isn't it a bit late in the fall season?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I'm just throwing shit out there."

She didn't say another word as she chewed on the bread she'd been given. It felt as dry as sand in her mouth, but she ate it anyway. She wished for a glass of water but didn't want Levi to leave the room. The last bite felt like a big glob of sand in her throat and she struggled to swallow it. She decided she could handle a few minutes by herself. The dark haired man wasn't looking at her. He had one hand on the back of his neck and his shoulders slumped, his head low and his eyes closed. A bit hesitantly, she scooted forward and silently reached for his shoulder, which felt tense and hard beneath her pale fingers. He immediately looked up, his eyes flashed with alarm and his arms reached for her as if she was about to fall, but he quickly regained his composure and let his arms rest on his knees. His face once more as still as a statue.

"My throat is dry," she gestured towards her throat and tried to clear it since her voice sounded as rough as gravel. "Would you mind-"

He didn't need her to finish her request as he jumped up from his seat and walked towards the door, mumbling that he'd back in a minute. She didn't have time to nod before he disappeared behind the door. A pang of guilt stabbed her in the stomach as she scooted back against the headboard. He was on edge, because of what happened. She could see clearly that she must've scared the life out of him when she fell off and whacked her head. It was a strange state to see him in. She'd never really seen him show any fear or alarm, but she had seen it as clear as day across his features as he reached out to her. It had made her heart slow for a moment. She placed her hand over her chest. The beat was steady, as it should be. She saw the blood near the collar of her shirt once more and grimaced. The desire to change and wash grew stronger every time she saw the dark stain on her clothes. Down the hall, she thought she could hear voices. Three distinct voices that she didn't recognize. They sounded young. One was louder than the other two and male. Another was distinctly feminine and calm, bordering on monotone. The last was also male, but a bit higher in pitch than the other male voice. The voices got closer to the door and she could hear the loud male voice mumbling something about how he wanted to meet Levi's friend. The higher-pitched male voice let out of a sound of protest, but was cut off by the turning of the door handle. Rowan pulled the blanket up self consciously and gulped.

The door swung open to reveal two young boys and one girl. The one who had opened the door was of average height with hair as brown as dark chocolate and the prettiest green eyes Rowan had ever seen. The other boy was a bit shorter, with intelligent looking blue eyes, and blonde hair that nearly reached his shoulders. The girl, Rowan decided was uniquely pretty with her slanted, grey eyes, pale skin, and ebony hair. She'd never seen anyone who looked like her. She nervously smiled at the three as the boy with dark hair eye's widened and his lips lifted.

"Wow, you're pretty!"

Rowan would've smiled and said thank you if the two boys wouldn't have been startled by the short figure who appeared behind the three kids, an impending figure of doom. The girl merely looked at him with disinterest and leaned against the door frame. The boy with dark hair jumped around and his eyes widened as Levi crossed his arms across his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Thanks for reading and sorry it took me so long to update. The world has been bat shit crazy lately. Haha, get it? Because this all started when some dude ate a poor bat? Okay, I'll stop. I hope everyone is alright and following the proper health procedures. Wash your hands and stay inside, people! Anyways, let me know what you think. I do appreciate a little comment. They make me happy:) I apologize for any mistakes, but as always, I don't have an editor and I hate proofreading. Til next time!:)


	10. Spinning

"What the hell are you guys doing here?" The words held a bit of an edge, but Rowan could tell he wasn't truly mad. 

The glass of water glinted from where it rested on the edge of his elbow, as his arms were crossed. Her throat tightened at the sight of it and she nearly threw off the covers of the bed to snatch it out of his hands. He caught her gazing at the glass and glared at the green-eyed boy, who gulped and moved out of the way. In a quick stride, Levi was by the edge of her bed and extending the hand that held the glass. With a smile bordering on shy, she took the glass, their fingers brushing as she did so, and lifted the glass to her lips. The water wasn't ice cold, but it soothed her throat nonetheless. It only took a moment for her to gulp it all down. When she finished, she held the glass awkwardly, unsure what to do with it. Levi took it from her hand and set it on the counter, away from the edge where it might get knocked off. He turned his head towards the three kids who were still standing in the doorway as he moved his chair and positioned it closer to her right side. He wouldn't have to reach far at all if he wanted to touch her. The short man opened his mouth, but Rowan guessed that he was going to send them away, so she spoke abruptly.

"Come in," Rowan waved her pale hand. "I'm Rowan."

Levi's head snapped towards her and she ignored the short look he gave her. She was curious about the three new young faces and wanted to know their names. The boy with green eyes stepped through first, then the other two followed. 

"I'm Eren," the boy with green eyes said. "These are my friends, Mikasa and Armin."

He gestured to the pretty girl first, who nodded at Rowan. The boy with blue eyes offered her a polite smile. Rowan almost let the name slip before she realized he'd said _Eren_. She propped her body up a bit straighter and felt her heart skip a beat.

"_Eren?"_

The boy with chocolate brown hair nodded and let a hand reach around to the back of his head, nervously grasping at a tuft of hair there. Rowan shut her agape mouth when she noticed the pink blooming on his cheeks and tried to offer him a sweet smile instead. Beside her, Levi stiffened a bit at the sight of it, his eyes darting back and forth. It didn't take long for her to calm down. She didn't want Eren to feel overwhelmed. She hated feeling overwhelmed herself. Briefly, she wondered if he'd been met with many reactions such as her own or reactions that weren't as pleasant. He must have. Her eyes gazed at each of the teenagers, the smile never leaving her mouth.

"It's nice to meet you all."

The hand that had been at the back of Eren's head drifted down and rested loosely by his side. The pink that had bloomed on his face had died down and his skin had gone back to its normal complexion. Rowan didn't let her surprise or curiosity show as she leaned back against the bedframe. She'd met two celebrities now. Both of whom had helped in protecting the walls and saved many lives. Her life just seemed to be getting more interesting by the day. Who else would she meet at this point? She suddenly thought of the commander of the scouting legion. Everyone knew that Levi worked closely with Erwin Smith. She'd once heard rumors of how the two had met, though no one knew the absolute truth. Did he know that she was here? Was it okay for her to even be here? A sharp flare of anxiety shot through her stomach, making her skin flush, which she couldn't hide. A pair of steely eyes flashed at the bilious hue of Rowan's skin. Armin noticed the sick look on Rowan's face and tugged at his friend's arms, nodding his head toward the door. Rowan's pale hand reached for the stitches puckered on her forehead. Her head started to ache again.

"It was nice meeting you, Rowan," Eren quickly uttered as Armin pulled him towards the door as their captain shot them a sharp look, a silent command.

"Yes," Rowan managed. 

"Hey Armin," Levi interjected. The blonde boy turned slightly as Eren and Mikasa shuffle into the hall. "Bring me a pitcher of water."

"Yes, Captain."

With a sharp nod and swish of blonde hair, the door closed and the two were alone again.

"You alright?" The question was abrupt.

"Is it okay for me to be here?" Her voice was starting to sound as rough as gravel again.

"Why wouldn't it?" His eyes roamed on the hand that was touching the stitches. He reached for her wrist and pulled down her hand, his eyes narrowed. "Quit fucking touching it. It's going to be there for a while. Get used to it."

A long sigh left Rowan's lips. She looked down at the pale hands that rested in her lap, staring at the two little freckles on her right hand. The color seemed to be completely gone from her skin. She'd always been fair, but usually, she had pink in the undertones of her skin. During the summer months, she'd always been frustrated that her skin never gained much color. She could remember that the twins had always tanned so nicely. The freckles on their noses becoming darker and more noticeable. She had freckles too, though they were more scarce than the twins. Her freckles were painted in light brown dots across her shoulders and minimally on her cheeks. Her mother had once told her that it was hard to find a redhead without freckles or pale skin. Tearing her eyes away from the hands in her lap, she met Levi's eyes once more. Nearly startled by the fact that he was staring at her so intensely. Something she hadn't gotten used to yet. The blue in his eyes was so clear at that moment. The grey lingering around his pupils created a mixture that reminded her of the color of icicles hanging from roofs and snaking down the metal of pipes. For a moment, she held her breath. He was waiting for her to answer his question. The authority hovering around him like a cloud of smoke. Some part of her wanted to roll her eyes like she used to do when she was a child. How would he react to that? The idea bounced around in her head. She hadn't been comfortable enough to be sassy with him, though at the moment she didn't seem to care. She was injured, tired, and thirsty. And before she could think better of it, her eyes lifted skyward and she crossed her arms over chest. She didn't meet his eyes for several seconds, but when she did she felt her heart stutter a bit. A flare of something hot rushed underneath her skin.

She'd expected him to look irritated, his dark brows furrowing the slightest bit, and his mouth set in a straight line. Instead, his eyebrows have lifted a fraction, his lips parted, and his cheeks were the lightest shade of pink. She squirmed a bit as she felt unbearably hot, unsure if the warmth was brought on by embarrassment, the covers that touched her skin, or something else. She couldn't recall seeing an expression like that on his face before. Just as quickly as the expression appeared, a mask seemed to slip over his features. His body shifting as he did so. Now his face looked exactly as how she'd expected it before. His eyes alight with irritation. Rowan didn't uncross her arms or let her eyes fall, instead, her expression softened a bit. Curiosity making her pulse slow.

"Why did you look at me like that?" Her voice was quiet.

He shifted again. His eyes elsewhere as the chair groaned beneath him. It took him a long moment to answer the question. "I don't think I've had anyone roll their eyes at me before."

A guffaw of laughter left her mouth and she smacked her hand over her mouth. Maybe it was the medication she'd been given, but the innocence and wonder in his voice had been so unexpected that she couldn't help laughing. The laughter continued for several seconds longer. Her skin turning red as she laughed against the hand that hovered near her mouth. She hadn't expected that answer. It did make sense to her, however, that he wasn't used to people giving him sass. He was the terrifying and exceptionally talented titan killing machine captain of the survey corps. No one dared to even try. But she had. A few more short laughs escaped before they died down. Levi didn't find anything amusing and glared at her from his chair. His eyes were narrowed and his arms crossed tightly over his chest, the veins sticking out from the top of his hands and reaching down his arms. Rowan might've found it attractive if she hadn't been distracted by the dangerous glint in his eyes. 

"I should kick your ass."

Another girly laugh. "You won't."

"Not yet."

His tone had lowered a bit when he uttered that. His eyes glistening like glass and widening a bit as he stared her down as if he was also surprised by what he said. Her heart was beating so recklessly, she feared that he might hear it. They continued like that for so long that Rowan felt her cheeks heat and tried to think of something to break the silence and thick tension that lingered in the air, though it proved useless. The only words she had in her head were the words he'd said only words before. The words hadn't been threatening, but almost suggestive. Or maybe she was imagining it. She didn't know what to think of it. Had the captain been flirting with her? She nearly squeaked out loud at the thought. The silence was almost too much at this point and she opened her mouth, but no sound came out. Instead, someone cleared their throat from the doorway. Jumping a bit, Rowan's eyes darted to the boy that stood in the doorway, a pitcher of water in his hands. His blue eyes were looking between the two of them, his posture looked almost uncomfortable, maybe even nervous. Rowan's cheeks burned once more and she suppressed the urge to slap a hand against her forehead. How had they not noticed that Armin was standing there? He must've been as silent as a cat after a mouse when he opened the door.

"I brought a pitcher."

Armin smiled weakly as he walked slowly to the counter and placed the pitcher far from the edge, then walked back to the doorway, his thin arms resting against his sides. Rowan wondered why he was lingering, but realized that he was waiting for permission to leave. Levi waved his hand lazily, his eyes not leaving Rowan's face.

"Thanks, Armin."

The boy muttered a quick "sir" and acted out a quick salute before leaving the room as silently as he had come, his eyes meeting Rowan's just as he shut the door. Levi pushed himself off of his chair and poured the water into a glass and thrust it out to the auburn haired girl on the bed. She tore her eyes from his and took the glass. He didn't sit down, he only stared down at her, his eyes flickering from her to the glass. She realized he wanted her to drink it. A bit abashedly, she lifted the glass to her mouth and downed the water. She hadn't met his eyes as she did so. Her courage from before had diminished. When she was done, he took the glass from her hand and set it on the counter. He turned to her, his hands resting in the pockets of his black trousers, his eyes running over her form as if looking for an injury he hadn't spotted yet.

"I'm glad you're alright," the softness in his voice betrayed the plain expression on his youthful face. "I'll find you a change of clothes. Then, I want you to rest."

And with that, he left the room in a quick stride. Leaving Rowan's head spinning from all that had occurred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This chapter is a little bit shorter, sorry! So I know it kinda seems like I cut off Rowan's worry about Erwin and all that, but don't worry I'll touch upon that and other things in the next chapter. I'm sorry if my story seems like a bit of a mess. I started to write this with a vague idea of a story in my head and I've just been adding to it since I started. I make it all up as I go, which probably isn't the best strategy, but oh well. I've also noticed that my story might seem like it hasn't quite been correlating to the title, but I promise I'll get there. Like I mentioned in my tags, this is indeed a sloooow burn and I prefer to write proper development. It just seems more realistic that way. Anyways, how are you guys? I'm about over this quarantine bullshit, though I do understand the necessity and importance of it all. Stay safe, everyone. We'll make it. Let me know what you think! I apologize for any mistakes. My brain switches words sometimes and I don't even realize it (I'm telling you, it's probably the attention deficit disorder, haha). Let me know and I'll fix it. Also, I know someone probably wouldn't need to stay overnight for a mild concussion, but this is ao3 and fanfiction, so let's welcome the dramatics of it all. Till next time!:)


	11. Savor

When Rowan woke up she wasn't sure what time it was or how long she'd slept. Levi had brought her clean clothes that smelled strongly of detergent, so she assumed they were his. He had brought her a plain white button-up shirt and a pair of what looked like sleep shorts. The material was gentle, though the waistband fit her a bit snugly. Her feminine hips were wider than Levi's, after all. He had disappeared again after that and that's when she had fallen asleep. The clothes wrinkled as she pushed herself up from her bed. There wasn't anyone else in the room with her. Looking around, she realized that the water pitcher was still on the counter, as well as the glass she'd used. Her throat didn't feel as parched as it had before, but she thought a glass of water sounded nice. So, she flipped her covers, skirted around Levi's empty chair, and walked to the counter to pour herself some water. It was room temperature, which made her squirm a bit but downed it anyway. Leaning against the counter, she put down her glass and crossed her arms over her chest. She didn't want to spend any more time than necessary in this room. Her head didn't hurt as much, but the tenderness in the stitches and a bit of an ache still lingered. Her body felt a bit more well rested as well. She assumed she must've been asleep for a while. She wondered if Levi had checked up on her at all while she slept. Or if he hadn't come back at all. It must've been late before. He could've gone to bed. If it had been a night, then that meant that her parents expected her to be working the bakery. A sense of alarm zipped through her. Her parents! They'd be worried as hell if they didn't find her at the bakery or at her own house. Stepping away from the counter, Rowan searched for her shoes(since her feet were bare) and found them placed under the bed. She slipped them on and took one more glance around the room, searching for any more of her own stuff, and realized she'd really only had her clothes from before. Those clothes had been discarded as they had been covered in dirt and blood. She didn't mind. Dirt and blood were some of the worst stains to get rid of.

Gently, she opened the door to her room and peered outside. The door revealed a hall that was empty, but she could hear voices somewhere around the corner. She hoped she'd be able to find a face she recognized and find a way to get home before her parents went insane with worry. Shutting the door behind her, she stepped into the hall and made her way down the hall. There were other doors along the hall, but she didn't bother to open them. If this was an infirmary, then there were most likely patients behind those doors. She didn't want to disturb any of them. The voices were starting to get louder the more she walked and soon she was met with an open room full of soldiers. Some of them stared at her as she walked by. She was an unfamiliar face as well as dressed minimally. A few people turned to talk to their partners. Some didn't even notice her altogether. Looking at the faces that surrounded her, she realized that she didn't recognize a single one. Her stomach shrunk a bit as she nervously moved through the crowd. The smart thing would be to ask for help, but her brain ceased to work as she found a clearing and followed it. She was starting to get a bit overwhelmed and her heartbeat quickened. More halls. A few soldiers. If she kept it up, she'd end up lost and end up taking even longer to get home. So, ignoring her nerves, she ran to the nearest soldier and tapped on their shoulder. 

"Hello, I need help," she muttered as the man turned around and looked her over. His eyes widening a bit. 

"How can I help?" He said with a dip of his head. 

"I was brought to the infirmary yesterday by Le-" Catching herself, she decided it would be better to refer to his formal title. "Captain Levi. I'm not sure where I am or how to find him."

"Ah," the man said quietly. His eyes narrowed a bit as he looked at her as if he was unsure about her and the situation altogether. "Are you a friend of his?"

"Yes," Rowan said after a pause.

"Well, I don't have access to the floor he lives on, but I could lead you to the-"

"That won't be necessary," a new voice interrupted.

Looking around the soldier, she saw a tall figure walking towards them. The soldier quickly saluted and uttered a 'commander.' Rowan could've sworn she felt her heart stop for a moment as she watched the tall man excuse the solder she'd asked for help. The soldier shot her one more confused look before he turned on his heel and walked away. Meeting the eyes of Commander Erwin smith, she felt her nerves come back in full force. Her skin felt flushed as she stared up at him. He was, indeed, as handsome as all the rumors depicted him to be. She noticed that he was finely built and that his uniform clung to the ridges of his body. His blond hair was neatly combed, not a single hair out of place, and his eyes were a deep blue. A pretty blue, though his eyebrows nearly resembled caterpillars, she thought they only made his eyes more noticeable. His jaw was sharp and free of any stubble, his mouth set in a small smile as his eyes roamed over her face. He looked clean and professional, and a bit intimidating as he stood close to Rowan. His figure looming over her like the shadow of a tall tree. She didn't shrink away, however, as he regarded her with a charming smile. She noticed that the air around him smelled of cologne, strong enough to be nearly all that she could smell, but weak enough to not give her a headache. 

"Hello," he greeted, his voice an attractive rumble. "You must be Rowan Roth."

"Uh, yes," Rowan confirmed as she awkwardly stuck her hand out. Her cheeks were starting to feel warmer than her body did. "How do you know my name?"

"Levi has told me much about you," he admitted as he grasped her hand. His skin felt warm against her own. "All good things."

"Right," she mumbled as she looked into his eyes, almost entranced, before abruptly dropping her hand from his grip. His eyes had glanced at her lowered arm, but his expression did not change. The next few words came out a bit shyly. "I'm lost."

"You're in luck," he said as he held out an arm to her. The gesture of a gentleman. "I happen to know just where Levi is."

"Thank you," she wrapped her hand around his bicep. She assumed he knew all about her situation from Levi, which freaked her out a little bit, but knew it couldn't be helped. "My parents are expecting today. I think it would be best if I went home as soon as possible."

"I believe that Levi sent a messenger to your parents last evening," he turned his head toward her. His eyes sliding over her face.

She noticed that every gesture of his was proper and polite. He also didn't seem to be bothered by her presence within the base, which eased her concerns from before. She didn't know much about the commander. He was a topic that was whispered about in the streets of every district, but Rowan had never been one to listen intently to whispered rumors. Besides, people seemed to talk mostly about his goals and his future. They didn't care as much about his past. He seemed to have been raised well. Rowan thought that he seemed to hold himself to a high standard. He spoke well, he dressed well, he was intelligent. Something about him made Rowan feel uneasy. She wasn't sure if it was how he carried himself and how he seemed hard to read as if secrets were buried beneath his skin or if it was the usual anxiety she had from meeting new people. He was also a very _important _new person. She tried her best to offer a sweet smile.

"Oh," she said with a nod. "Would you happen to know what they said?"

"They insisted that you stay here as long as you need to recover and not to worry about the bakery," he told her as they turned a corner. "Your mom will cover your shifts."

"Oh," she blinked. "I think I'm fine to go home."

He smiled at the insistence in her tone. "I'm sure it could be arranged within the next few hours."

She didn't say anything else as they climbed a set of stairs. Her limbs, as well as a large spot on her lower back, felt a bit sore as they did so and she could feel a headache coming on at the rush of blood in her head. She tried not to grimace at the unpleasant feeling in her body and walked a bit stiffly as the commander led her through another hall. He, of course, detected her discomfort and placed a gentle hand on her own. His eyes politely questioning her. 

"Are you alright, Miss Roth?"

"Yes, um sorry," she said tightly as she waved a hand. "Please call me Rowan."

"Alright," he said with a dip of his sharp jaw. "You can call me Erwin."

"But-"

"You are not part of the collection of people I have power over," he insisted. "You can use my first name. Just as you use Levi's."

It felt odd to just even think about using his first name, but she smiled and nodded gently. Another set of stairs. The sick feeling didn't leave or get any worse, but she managed to walk a bit more casually. It helped to think about other things, which wasn't too difficult to do in her situation. She was reeling from the fact that she'd met so many important figures in just a matter of weeks. Levi, Eren and his close-knit gang, Hange, and even the freaking commander of the Survey Corps. All names she'd heard about and now she was meeting the people the names belonged to. It seemed surreal. She briefly wondered who could possibly be next? Despite the nerves and excitement of meeting such important people, she felt entirely out of place within the base. She didn't belong here. She was of no importance to their cause. She just happened to be friends with the infamous titan killing machine. 

Finally, Erwin halted in a wide hall with only a few doors. It was empty of any people and it was quiet. The commander knocked on the door and kept his arm interlocked her own. She nearly pulled her arm away, but the door opened a second after he had knocked. A breath of relief left Rowan's lips (much to her surprise). And with red cheeks, she unhooked her arm from Erwin's. Levi had noticed their close contact, but his eyes moved so quickly, it was hard to even tell. He gave Rowan a quick rundown, similar to the one he'd given her the night before, with his eyes roaming over as if she was bound to have a new injury. 

"She was looking for you just outside the infirmary," Erwin explained. "I happened to run into her."

"Thanks," Levi said gruffly before grabbing the girl by the wrist and tugging her into the room with him. 

Rowan wasn't sure if this was Levi's personal quarters, but if her suspicions were accurate, she thought it was odd to be alone with him. Erwin gave no indication that he really cared. He must trust him, she decided. It was _Levi,_ after all. So, she swallowed and looked up at the commander. His eyes had lowered as he gazed at her. She noticed once more just how handsome he was and she unconsciously pressed herself closer to the short man. Her fingers grazed his palm and he nearly jumped at her touch. Erwin looked over the two of them, his eyes lingering more on Rowan than the captain. 

"I'll have someone bring up a pair of appropriate clothes for you," he said. "You two should join me for lunch in the hour."

Well, that confirmed Rowan's silent question of what time of day it was.

"Yeah," Levi muttered.

With that, Erwin smiled at Rowan and walked down the hall. His hands clasped behind him as he padded down the hall. With the commander gone, the nerves in her stomach started to disappear as Levi closed the door. He turned to look at her, his steely eyes narrowed in the slightest, and she noticed they lingered on her legs a fraction longer than the rest of her. His eyes widened and she self consciously felt herself peering down at her legs. Her own eyes widened when she noticed the splotches of purple and brown muddled together like ugly paint across her legs. None of the bruises were particularly large, but there were a few that stood out more prominent than the rest. She couldn't believe she didn't notice before. 

"I must've hit the ground pretty hard," she laughed nervously.

"Do you hurt?" His voice had softened a fraction.

"Um, not bad. My limbs, my head, my lower back," she sighed as she rubbed at the lower part of her spine. 

Before she could comprehend what had happened, Levi grabbed her shoulders and turned her around. A surprised sound left her mouth as she felt his fingers grasp at the hem of her shirt, lifting it up. She flinched and tried to turn around, but he held her still. She sighed as he looked her over. She assumed she had bruises on her back as well. After a minute, he pulled the shirt back down, and she gasped quietly when she felt his cold fingers brush against her skin. A rush of warmth settled in her stomach and she bit her lip, embarrassed. 

"You're lucky the horse didn't try to trample you," was all he said.

Before Rowan could speak, a series of knocks echoed from the door. They hadn't moved very far from the door, so Levi reached for it and opened it. Rowan was surprised to see Hange at the door. Her brown eyes were wide with excitement and she held neatly folded clothes in her hands.

"Hello! Erwin was trying to tell a cadet to find you some clothes, but I insisted that you could borrow some of mine. They might fit a bit big, but they're clean. I know Levi would freak if I gave you dirty clo-"

Silently, Levi grabbed the clothes and abruptly shut the door in Hange's face. Rowan's jaw dropped. He thrust the clothes in her direction, his dark brow lifting a bit.

"What?"

"That was kinda rude," Rowan giggled.

"She's used to it by now. Besides, she would've bombarded you with...words," he said with a look of mild distaste on his face. "We'll probably see her at lunch, anyways."

"Right," Rowan said while holding back a laugh.

"The bathroom is this way," he gestured vaguely, looking at the clothes in her hands.

Rowan followed him and looked around with intense curiosity. She finally had her chance to see where he lived. He'd seen her place a few times and she thought it was unfair she'd never seen his. It was nearly what she imagined. Impeccably clean, not a thing out of place, though he didn't seem to own many items. The room was plain in color. White walls, wooden floors, simple and few furniture. He had a small bed with light blue sheets that were pressed perfectly against the mattress as if it had never been used. The air smelled entirely like him. Fresh, clean, and mixed with something else that was hard to place. He stopped in front of a door and opened it for her. She smiled sweetly and walked inside, the door closing behind her. The look of the bathroom was similar to the rest of his quarters. Plain and clean. The air in here smelled strongly of some kind of cleaning product, which resembled pine. She found herself looking in the mirror that was hung up on the wall, just across from her. Moving closer, she nearly gasped at the sight of her face. The stitches were more ugly and red than she realized. They stuck out in a puckered line from her skin and she noticed she still had flecks of blood in her hair. Sighing, she was overcome with the desire to scrub at her skin with soap. So, she stuck her head outside of the door and called out to Levi.

"Can I use your shower?"

A pause. "Of course. You look like shit."

"Gee, thanks," she said under her breath as she shut the door and walked over to the shower.

It took the water a moment to heat up, so she waited till the water began to steam before she undressed. Once it did, she slipped off Levi's clothes and stepped into the hot water. The stitches burned a little as the water cascaded over it, but the feeling subsided and allowed Rowan to enjoy her shower. Levi seemed to have a collection of soaps, so she sniffed at each and picked the one that resembled his scent the most. It might've been strange, but she wanted to be enveloped by it. She rubbed the soap into her skin and watched as the water turned a murky pink as the blood was washed down the drain. She let the water run over her until the water was clear, then she turned off the faucet. Reaching around for a towel, she grabbed a white towel from a rack pinned on the wall and wrapped herself up in the fabric. 

As she wiped her skin of the streams of water, she stared at the clothes she had been given. Part of her didn't want to give Levi his shirt back. Would he notice if she wore it again? Most likely. Her fingers brushed against the white fabric of the shirt and she lifted it to her nose. It still smelled just as fresh as when she'd been given it. After a bit of contemplation, she decided that he had given it to her for her to use, so she fastened on her brassiere and pulled her arms through the fabric of the shirt. She was glad the material of the shirt was thick. Her bra had been stained with a few spots of blood that had leaked through her old shirt, but you couldn't tell through the fabric of her shirt. Next, she pulled on her own underpants and lifted up the pants Hange had given her. They were a pair of slim dark grey trousers that looked like they would drown her feet in fabric. Hange was quite taller than her and a bit slimmer as well. Slipping her legs through the pants, she lifted them up until they reached a bit past the swell of her hips. She was right. They did drown her feet in fabric, so she rolled up the hems and pulled her own socks and boots back on. Looking in the mirror, she decided she only looked a bit silly, but it was only noticeable if you were really looking. Her wet hair was a bit of a mess, so she ran her fingers through the tangles as best as she could. After that, she noticed that Levi had neatly arranged bottles of cologne and lotions on the countertop of his sink. Curiously, she reached for a bottle and sniffed at it. The scent was a bit stronger than she anticipated, so she tried to set it neatly back where it belonged, but instead knocked over the other bottles. The sound echoed through the bathroom and she winced as she hurried to pick the bottles back up.

"Oi," a voice called from just outside the door. She thought she heard the doorknob rattle a bit. "Are you alright?"

"Yes," Rowan said as she finished arranging the bottles in their proper places. "Just a bit clumsy."

It was quiet for a moment. "Hurry up. You've been in there for a long ass time."

"Right," she mumbled as she took one last look in the mirror.

With the blood gone from her hair, she looked immensely better. Her skin no longer had streaks of dirt stuck to its surface. Her hair wasn't matted anymore and the curls dripped water down her back. She picked up her towel and rubbed at the ends of her curls, hoping to stop the drops of water that wanted to sink through her shirt. She looked for a basket to discard the towel as well as the sleep shorts he had given her and found one close to the frame of the shower. They fell into the basket in a heap and she decided she was finally ready to leave the bathroom. So, she grabbed Hange's shirt from the counter and stepped out into his bedroom.

He was sitting in an armchair that was placed next to a window that shed light into the room. He had his arms crossed over his stomach, his posture calm, as he watched her walk closer to him. His eyes immediately dragged over her torso and the other shirt in her hands. Rowan noticed that his eyes almost looked light blue when the sun was casting light on them. His irises contrasted so nicely with his dark hair and fair skin that she couldn't help staring for a moment. She didn't even care that he was probably going to scold her for wearing his shirt again. Some strange emotions made the heart in her chest speed up and her skin warm as she stared at him. He looked so handsome as the sun seemed to illuminate his skin and bring light to the odd beauty he possessed. Her heart clenched beneath her ribcage.

"Why didn't you change into Hange's shirt?" He asked in a low voice. 

Rowan nearly came up with some excuse that was less weird, but instead rolled her shoulders back, set Hange's shirt on the edge of his bed, and uttered a few words in a voice gentle and as sweet as candy.

"I like your shirt. It...it smells like you. I feel a bit safer when I wear it."

His eyes had widened after she said those words. Only this time, they didn't immediately return to their normal narrowed state, instead, they softened a bit as the girl stepped closer and closer. Soon, her knee touched his own and with newfound bravery, she took a deep breath and maneuvered her body to fit on the wide chair. The sound of her heart echoed in her ears as she straddled him. His eyes lost their softness as his mouth parted in surprise. The intensity of his gaze was almost too much for her to bear as she slowly lifted one of her hands to caress the smooth skin of his cheek. He made no move to stop her. His muscles had been tense as she touched him and she worried he might push her away. His eyes searched her face for a moment, blazing pools of blue and grey, before closing and leaning into the touch of her hand. His lips remained parted and she thought she heard a strangled breath of air leave his mouth. Her free hand moved of its own accord and rubbed at the other cheek, her thumbs moving in gentle circles across his skin, and she nearly melted at the sight of him leaning his head back against the chair. A rush of warmth settled low in her stomach and she finally recognized what it was. _Desire._ An emotion she hadn't felt for anyone, except him. She ached to move her head the slightest and kiss him hard on the mouth, but she wanted to savor this moment and it was too soon, anyways.

She jumped a bit when she felt his hands travel up her waist, gentle as they moved over the bruises covered by the shirt. He had opened his eyes and settled his gaze on the lower portion of her face. She wondered if he wanted to hiss her too. The day before, when she'd admitted her feelings, she'd been itching to know if he felt the same. At this moment, she knew her questions had been answered as he nuzzled his face into her palms and lifted his eyes to look into her own. He had to feel the same. This wouldn't be happening if he didn't. A wave of happiness made her heart swell as she smiled at him. Rowan was still getting used to the fact that he was a man of few words. His actions were what spoke for him. Actions were truer than words. His hands felt warm as he gripped at her waist. She reveled at the touch and leaned forward to wrap her arms around his neck. For a moment, he was stunned and his hands had left her waist to hover just above the fabric of her shirt. Another sound left his throat. A surprised sound. Then, he hesitantly wrapped his arms around her. She melted into the hardness and warmth of his body. Deciding that, surely, there wasn't anything that could feel better than this. The embrace lasted for a few more seconds before he gently pushed at her shoulders. She met his eyes and immediately felt concerned at the strange look that had made his eyes sharpen. His eyes roamed over his face, the steely orbs forming a question in their depths.

"You..." his voice sounded so quiet that she nearly missed what he said. Clearing his throat, he awkwardly reached up to touch the hair that framed Rowan's face. "I hate when people touch me. Most people repulse me, but you, you are different."

"Oh really?" She said in a playful tone, though his vulnerability had managed to make her melt all over again.

"Shut up," he growled as his eyes narrowed.

His words didn't hold any bite though, so she dropped her hands to his chest and spread her fingers out, a peaceful smile on her mouth. He breathed in deeply, his eyes closing again.

"Touch me."

The words had been said in such a vulnerable and needy way that an intense rush of warmth set her aflame all over again. She didn't move. Her hands stayed pressed against his chest as she pondered the words. What was this going to turn into? The question tumbled around in her mind over and over. She almost got off his lap right then, but a deeper and braver part of her wanted to respond to his request. So many things could happen, but she wouldn't allow it to go further than it needed to and he probably wouldn't allow it to either, so she leaned close to his ear and ignored the thrum of her blood in her own ears.

"Tell me where."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, this chapter took a turn I and probably some of you guys didn't expect either. I'm glad it did tho. It was fun to write. Now, don't get worried, I did promise a slow burn, but I did want to establish some more vulnerability and intimacy (without sex). What did you guys think of Erwin? I've kinda been playing with the idea of a love triangle, but I don't know. It might be too much. Let me know what you think! I apologize for any mistakes, I hate proofreading, but I'll fix any mistakes if you point them out to me blah blah blah. You guys know the drill. Leave me a comment or kudos, I appreciate both! Also, on a side note, if you guys are interested in following my Tumblr, my username is lillian-berdy-world. I'm interested in many fandoms and I post a mixture of many things, but I'll leave it here, just in case;) Til next time!:)


	12. A Request That Is Hard to Decline

Levi was incredibly still for a moment. His breathing had deepened as Rowan tilted her head away from the side of his face. As she dragged her eyes over his face she saw the tiniest of goosebumps spread across the back of his neck. The delicate lines of his profile. The pink of his lips. The inky hair that fell in his eyes. When he still hadn't answered her and his expression was almost vacant, she prepared herself to climb off of his lap. Her hands slid down his chest and moved to grasp the sides of the chair, so she could lift herself up. His head had tilted a bit at the loss of contact and he stared down at her hands grasping the sides of the chair. A sharp pang of disappointment pierced through her chest. The blood was already rushing to her face and she felt her eyes water at the embarrassment. Her eyes stayed cast downward since she couldn't look at him, and she lifted her knee to climb off of his lap. 

She tried to think of something else. Something she'd done that had been more embarrassing and foolish than this, but she couldn't. The heart caged within her chest felt as heavy as stones. A feeling that made her throat feel tight. Levi's eyes flashed when he felt her slipping away, her warmth leaving his body, and as quick as lightning, he reached for her waist. The tips of his fingers dug into her skin and she gasped at the contact. For a second, her heart lifted, just the littlest bit. Had she just merely misread him? She made herself look into his eyes, which were swirling with sharp tints of blue and grey. 

"What're you doing?" He grunted. His expression was taut, his mouth almost formed a scowl.

"I, uh, I thought you changed your mind," Rowan cried. 

A pause. The hands that gripped at her waist pulled her closer. Inch by inch. "Get back here."

"Okay," she said breathlessly. Maybe she was starting to like the more commanding and dominant side of him.

Rowan settled back down into his lap. Her thighs rested on the hard muscles of his own legs and his posture was still a bit tense, almost like he was ready to jump up and run away. She knew he was probably a bit nervous or unsure of what he wanted. He had told her that he hated it when people touched him. This was a big step for him. It didn't help that he didn't know how to express what he wanted with words. So, it didn't surprise her when he was quiet again. It didn't bother her. She took the moments of silence to adjust her position. She wiggled her knees and moved farther up his lap. A risky move, but she didn't want her legs to go numb from partly hanging off of the edge of the chair. As gently as she could, she held her breath as she found herself pressed above his hips. The sharp points of his hipbones poked into her soft flesh, but it was a feeling she welcomed. The hands at her waist steadily slid down the roundness of her hips and his fingers lifted a centimeter. Confused, Rowan looked up and found him staring at her. His eyes formed a question and she noticed with a start that he almost looked nervous. Well, as nervous as the captain could manage to look. With gentle hands and a soothing smile, she reached for his wrists and guided his hands to rest on top of her thighs, a safe place. His fingers stretched over the fabric that covered her. The fabric dipped beneath his fingertips and she could feel the heat seeping through. She briefly wondered what it would feel like if she was uncovered and mentally scolded herself. The butterflies in her stomach crashed over one another as she rested her pale hands on top of his. 

"It's okay," she murmured with a voice as sweet as taffy. "I'm nervous too."

"_Tch,"_ the short sound made Rowan lift an auburn brow. "What do you have to be nervous about?"

"I've never really touched anyone like this," the words came out a bit sharper than she intended. She took a deep breath and willed the slight annoyance in her to burn out. 

His eyes widened at her confession. "Er, sorry. I don't...I haven't either."

He's never touched anyone at all? Surely, that had to have been at least one other person. She felt surprised and not surprised all at once but quickly covered it with a reassuring smile. There was a thrill in her veins. "It's okay. We'll figure it out."

His eyes had lingered on the corner of her mouth as she smiled. The muscles that had felt tense beneath her eased themselves into a more relaxed state and he leaned farther back in his chair, pulling Rowan with him. 

"Show me where," she repeated.

An exasperated huff left his lips as he glared at the girl sitting so sweetly in his lap. His eyes dashed down towards his fingers that gripped her thighs. He eased his grip and tapped one of his fingers in thought. He wanted to be touched in many places, maybe everywhere. He couldn't think of the last time anyone had touched him so sweetly. Except for maybe, oh right, _her._ His throat tightened at the thought of the young woman with ginger hair he used to have on his squad. He briefly thought of she had always touched him so carefully. So _kindly. _He thought that Rowan and Petra had that in common. Two girls with different shades of red hair and kind hearts. That might've been all they had in common. Rowan was more bashful than Petra had been. Rowan blushed so often and didn't always hold her head high, as Petra had. He wanted to know what insecurities she must've had to make her hang her head so often. But they had different personalities and circumstances. He didn't think of Petra as often as he used to. Life had been so hectic since she and the others had died that he didn't have much time to have a free thought. A thought for himself. His thoughts were often meant for those he was sworn to and those he would fight for. Being around Rowan gave him peace of mind. Her presence was soothing and gentle, like a breeze traveling through a spring day. On the rough days, he itched to sneak away and find himself in her father's bakery, drinking tea and watching the sunlight reach through their glass windows to bring out the red in her hair. It was an image that he thought of often. The sun touching her hair. A kind smile gracing her dark pink lips. His eyes flashed towards her throat and he found himself wrapping his fingers around her wrist, dragging her hand towards the back of his neck. Earlier, when she had whispered in his ear, he had felt a shiver run down the back of his head, a feeling he surprisingly enjoyed when it was caused by something other than danger. Her skin had grown warm, just as his had, and he silently relished the feeling of her touch. He wanted her to run her fingers through his hair, but he remained silent. He loosened his grip and let his hand fall back to her thigh. 

It didn't take her long to brush her fingers over his skin. The touch created more shivers and he clamped his mouth shut to avoid scaring her away with the sounds he wanted to make. His body tensed as her nails reached up the back of his head, the feeling better than anything he had felt before. He'd expected to feel revolted, at first. But not a single drop of disgust lingered within him. She was pure. Kind. Good. He'd never known that _touch_ could feel so good. So calming. So exhilarating all at once. It was better than the rush he got from soaring through the air with his ODM gear. It was better than the satisfaction he felt from killing titans. Better than the satisfaction he got from killing shitty, worthless people. He froze at that thought. What would Rowan feel about his past? She was kindhearted. She didn't like violence, didn't see its necessity, as he did. He'd figured that out the night he'd saved her from being sexually assaulted. His fingers itched to put that piece of shit down, but he couldn't do it. Not when she had looked at him the way she had. She had some kind of power over him and he didn't know why. 

Her hands had traveled to his face and held him there, the same touch from earlier. This touch didn't create shivers or a rush of something hot that threatened to awaken places of him that Rowan would certainly feel, but it provoked a feeling of peace. A feeling he rarely felt. Closing his eyes, the worries that had been in his mind started to fall back until they only lingered on the edge of his consciousness. There was a hazy memory that ran through his mind as he breathed slowly. He could nearly see his mother's face, narrow and beautiful, gazing down at him with pure love in her grey eyes. He could nearly remember the way she had grazed his face with her slim fingers, while she sang a song he couldn't recall the words of. The touch felt nearly identical, except his mother's fingers had always been cold and her nails cut. Rowan's touch was warm and her nails would skim over his skin with every few rubs of her fingers. They were different but brought on the same kind of serene veil that made him want to fall asleep. That calming touch had stopped, suddenly, and disappeared. His eyes flew open.

Rowan wasn't looking at his face, but instead was watching her own hands find their way back to his chest, her fingers trying to dig through the fabric of his uniform. The straps on his legs bit into the backs of her thighs and touched tender bruises, but she ignored it and found better things to distract herself with. Leaning forward, she wrapped her arms around his neck and this time he didn't stiffen up. He must've expected it. Her lips were dangerously close to his neck and she wanted so badly to kiss him there. Part of her was scared that he might not like it. Part of her didn't care and wanted to find out for herself. So, she brushed her lips ever so slightly against the flesh there and heard the breath that caught in his throat. His fingers had flexed against her thighs, his grip growing painful to the point that she whimpered in surprise. The bruising pain didn't bother her. In fact, she found herself enjoying it. And she dared to kiss him there again. This time with more pressure and in a spot that was further up than the previous one, just below his ear. A strangled and quiet sound left his throat. The first kiss was soft enough to pass as innocent, but the second one implied something more. Hands gripped at her forearms and removed her from his lap, the movement was quick and unexpected. Before Rowan could ask if he was okay, he moved past her, and she saw a flash of tense shoulders as he disappeared into the bathroom. Red bloomed across Rowan's face and she stood still, staring at the door of the bathroom. She placed herself in the chair and waited patiently for him to come back out. Her fingers picked at a few lines of cuts she had on her hand from falling off the horse. When tiny droplets of blood rose from the wounds, she stopped, and instead picked at the material of the chair. She thought she could hear a sink running in the bathroom and the low sound of water splashing. 

She wasn't stupid. She knew what game she tried to play and what the physical result was. He'd probably gotten too excited and panicked. It would explain why he jumped up so quickly. A little seed of guilt sprouted in her stomach. Many anxious thoughts ran through her mind. Was he angry? Or disgusted? Did he hate her now? She wanted to jump up from the chair and run out the door. Instead, she nervously played with the ends of her hair. The water stopped running and it was quiet again for a minute. Then, she heard the door handle rattling and the slight creak of the hinges as it opened. Levi had sunk back into his perpetual stoic and passive expression. His posture was no longer tense, but straight. It made him look the tiniest bit taller and much more intimidating. Rowan pushed herself up from the chair and kept her hands grasped in front of her, her thin fingers tumbling over one another.

"I'm sorry," she said with wide eyes.

With glazed eyes, he stared at some spot of her lower face. "We need to hurry if we want to join Erwin on time for lunch."

"Oh," she couldn't hide the confusion that lingered in her voice. "Right."

After that, he turned sharply and expected her to follow, and she did. He locked his door behind them and kept his pace even as they walked down the hall. They walked in stride, but Rowan kept her eyes focused ahead. She feared she wouldn't be able to eat lunch with the anxious feeling that tugged at her throat. She'd messed up. She'd moved too quickly. Now he was upset. She knew it, even if he kept his expression bored. A groan of despair and frustration wanted to burst from her lips so badly, but she held it in. Her head dragged a bit as they walked, her eyes low as indistinct faces passed by them. A tug on her chin nearly made her jolt as if lightning had struck her and she looked up to meet his eyes. His expression was stern and soft all at once as his fingers grasped her chin. The puzzlement must've been as clear as day on her face because the corner of his mouth dragged upwards the tiniest bit.

"Don't hang your damn head. You have no reason to."

Then, he let go and she immediately missed the contact, the warmth that still lingered on his skin. They continued their walk, only now, she walked with straight shoulders and her chin tipped higher. She'd realized that he wasn't as upset as she'd thought. Why would he have smiled at her if he was? He was a confusing man, but she'd figure it all out, eventually. She made a mental note to ask him about the days earlier events once they had another moment alone. Now she had a different reason to be nervous. Why did the commander want to have lunch with her? Did he plan to interrogate her? It's not like she had anything to hide. Shaking her head, she brushed the silly thoughts aside and decided he most likely just wanted to get to know her. He and Levi seemed to be closely acquainted. As well as Hange, though Rowan wondered if the bespectacled woman just got on Levi's nerves more than anything. The halls seemed to buzz with more chatter and she no longer averted her gaze from wandering eyes. Rowan wasn't sure what made her feel braver; was it the captain by her side or was it the words he'd said just a few moments before? She'd always struggled with feeling self-assured ever since she was young. She'd never been completely meek and compliant, but she wasn't entirely confident either. There were doubts she had about herself and feelings that were hard to ignore, but she did her best to not let those hard feelings always control her. It felt good to meet everyone's eyes and walk with pride, next to a man who was powerful and respected. He was right. She didn't have a reason to hang her head.

A door stood before them, and Levi didn't bother to knock as he pushed open the door. Rowan followed closely behind and tried to keep her chin high, though the nerves were starting back up now that she could see Erwin just across the room. The room they had stepped into was large and tidy, with more personality than Levi's personal quarters. On the right side of the room was a humongous bookshelf full of books with spines of every color. A hand itched to go and look at every book and touch its spine, but she restrained herself and continued to look at the decor of the commander's office. A rug of simple design in shades of red was scrunched up beneath their feet and it was so long it nearly covered the whole floor. If she looked straight ahead, she could see a desk whose surface was covered with neatly arranged papers and pens. A window behind the desk had its green curtains drawn to reveal rays of the sun that illuminated the room with natural light. Finally, when she looked to the left side of the room, she could see a walnut colored trestle table with matching chairs. Erwin was sitting in one of the chairs, a platter in front of him as well as a tea set, and his head tilted towards a familiar woman who was making wide and quick gestures as she spoke. Hange was the first to notice the two of them standing near the door and her eyes brightened, a hand beckoning them to come over.

"Rowan!" Hange greeted. An eyebrow of hers raised in puzzlement as she looked over Rowan's outfit. "Hey, that's not my shirt-"

"Hello," Rowan quickly interrupted as she pulled out a chair and sat next to Levi."What's for lunch?"

Hange's eyes narrowed and her mouth spread into a smile that looked almost salacious and Rowan quickly tore her eyes away but felt on edge as Hange spoke up once more. "We've got some mini sandwiches, fruit, as well as tea and lemonade, but maybe you'd prefer a side of Le-"

Hange's joking tone had abruptly cut off as her face crumbled into a pained smile and she reached for something under the table as if to rub at her leg. Suspiciously, she glanced over at Levi, whose face was passive as he busied himself with pouring Rowan and himself a cup of tea. A smile tugged at Rowan's lips and she coughed into her elbow to try and hide her amusement. 

"I'm just fine with fruit as my side," Rowan said after the woman had stopped rubbing at her leg.

Erwin had glanced around as he reached for the pitcher of lemonade with a glint in his blue eyes, apparently, he'd been just as amused as Rowan had been. Though he hid it a lot better than she did. She heard a _plop _and looked down in time to see a sugar cube fall in her tea, though Levi's expression was full of distaste as he dropped the sugar. She'd figured out a long time ago that he preferred his tea plain. He considered it offensive to add anything to tea, claimed it should be just fine all on its own. Nonetheless, he poured a bit of milk into her cup and handed her a spoon to stir it with. The look of distaste slowly turned into boredom as he reached for a sandwich and held it languidly in his grasp. After she'd finished stirring and placed the used spoon on a folded napkin, she grabbed a sandwich, her stomach ready to growl as she quickly took a bite. It was a sandwich made with seasoned chicken and yellow cheese, a combination that she liked. The four of them ate silently for a few minutes, each enjoying their food. Rowan had eaten three mini sandwiches before catching sight of Erwin dabbing a napkin at the corners of his mouth. She locked her gaze on his hands as he set the napkin on the edge of the table, preparing herself for the questions he was sure to ask her.

Erwin folded his hands and leaned on the table, his eyes roaming over her face. "So, Rowan, Levi told me that the two of you had attended a party together."

She wasn't certain if it was a question or not, but confirmed it anyways. "Um, yes. Just a little while ago."

"I see," he said. Rowan thought that the question was completely random and wondered what he was getting at. "Do you like to dance?"

"Yes, very much," she admitted with a shy smile as she recalled how she'd somehow managed to get Levi to dance with her at the party.

"How would you feel about attending another party?"

The question made Rowan pause, looking to Levi for help, but he wasn't even looking at her. He was glaring at Erwin from across the table with his arms folded over his chest.

Peering back at Erwin, she nodded. "Is it a formal dance?"

"Well, not exactly-"

"It's something we do every once in a while for the cadets," Hange interrupted in an excited rush. "We all need a good break from the chaos of our lives every once in a while, especially with all that's been going on lately."

"We clear the tables out of the mess hall and provide food and drink for everyone," Erwin added as he took a sip of his lemonade. "We also use our own money to pay for a band, so everyone can dance."

"That sounds lovely," Rowan admitted honestly. 

"Aaaand," Hange started as she leaned so far on the table that Rowan feared it might tip over. "A little birdy told me that you have a nice voice."

With wide eyes, she looked over to Levi, whose eyes were screwed shut as he pinched the bridge of his nose. With a smile, Rowan leaned on the table as well and locked eyes with Hange. "You want me to perform for the cadets?"

"Yes," Erwin confirmed with a charming smile. "They'd love it."

"You don't have to," Levi said suddenly, his eyes still narrowed with irritation.

Rowan considered it for a moment. The last time she'd performed was for Eliza, her best friend who had loved parties. It had been solely for her. The commander and Hange wanted her to perform for a room full of kids she didn't know. She'd always been a bit shy about her voice. It had taken a lot of courage just to sing at the party she'd gone to with Levi. It would take even more courage to perform for a group of cadets and their leaders. The decision wavered around in her mind. Part of her wanted to stay safe and decline, but she knew she'd feel guilty if she did. Her eyes lifted to meet Erwin's who looked as if he already knew what her answer would be.

"I'll do it," she replied. "When is this party?"

"Next Friday," Hange answered in a chirpy voice. 

"Do I need to dress up?" Rowan asked before taking a sip of her tea.

"Think of it as semi-formal," the spectacle woman replied. She was nearly vibrating with excitement.

"Thank you for accepting," Erwin spoke up as he gazed at her. Rowan thought that his smile looked almost sly. "We can offer compensation if that would help to put you at ease."

Rowan's face fell and she immediately started waving her hands in refusal. "No, no. Um, I'm fine. I'll do it for free."

"If you insist," he said with an even tone as he finished off his lemonade.

It was silent again. She contemplated grabbing another sandwich, but held herself back and sipped the rest of her tea instead. Levi hadn't said another word or even looked over at her. Not that she minded. She was more concerned with what she'd just gotten herself into. In just a week she'd have to perform at a party for the cadets. It was nerve-wracking, to say the least, and her palms grew clammy as she thought about it. Eliza would've told her to stop freaking out and just have fun. She'd always been a bit freer than Rowan. Unafraid. Brave. Her shoulders drooped a bit and she took another sip of her tea, not noticing the side glance that Levi shot her way. Once the liquid in her cup was gone and she listened to Erwin and Hange discuss how many hours they should book a band, she was hit with the desire to escape back to her own home. She wanted to see her parents. She wanted to rest in her own bed. But she wasn't one to be rude, so she patiently waited for the topic to be brought up. Levi had already noticed her tense posture and polite smile. It wasn't hard to figure out she was uncomfortable. He could see the gentle movement of her eyes going back and forth. The look of discomfort she tried to hide with a pretty smile. Finishing off his tea, he pushed himself up from his table and gestured for her to rise with him. A look of confusion and muted relief crossed over her features as she stood up and brushed off her clothes.

"I better get the brat home," he said as he adjusted the cravat at his neck. "I'll be back in a while."

"Right," Erwin said as he stood up to say farewell. He reached for her hand and grasped it lightly. "It was nice to meet you, Rowan. I look forward to seeing you at the party. Perhaps I could steal a dance?"

"O-oh," Rowan stumbled as her cheeks grew red. "Of course."

She missed the tight expression that Levi wore as the commander let go of her hand and stepped aside. Hange moved so quickly that Rowan didn't have time to ward off the arms that trapped her in a tight hug. The woman nearly made it hard for Rowan to breathe as she hugged her and lifted the red haired girl's feet off of the ground. A second later, after Levi sent the woman a disapproving glare, she let go of Rowan and smiled in that familiar, slightly crazed way. It would take a while to get used to how cheerful and hyper the spectacled woman was. She smiled back in return and honestly told her that it was nice to meet her. Before Hange could speak, Levi tugged on her wrist and dragged her out of the room. Looking back, trying to wave goodbye, she noticed that Erwin's gaze had fallen where Levi held her wrist tightly as if she would run away, and that same sly smile appeared on his lips, leaving Rowan to feel strange about the whole encounter that had just transpired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I tried to give you all bit more insight on Levi's perspective, which I probably could've done better with, but I'm not mad about it. What do you guys think? I have to admit, I want to introduce more of the political aspect of aot into my story, but I feel like I don't have the proper amount of knowledge about it all to accurately write about it. I'll have to do my research again and see what I can fit in. It doesn't help that I'm 90% sure that I messed up the timeline or never really specified one to begin with. Sorry guys. It's a bit of a mess, I know. I'll try to round it out in my next few chapters. I'm glad a lot of you have stuck around, despite how messy some parts of my story are. I appreciate y'all. Til next time!:)


	13. Unbearable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first song Rowan sings in this chapter was inspired by Galway Girl by Ed Sheeran. I changed the lyrics to fit the story a bit better, but I imagined the melody being the same. The second song she sings is Carry Me by Eurielle. Y'all should listen to both of them. It might be easier to imagine the scene when you hear the music that is being sung.

The week seemed to pass by torturously slow. Rowan had busied herself with work. Orders upon orders, upon orders. It was a good distraction, despite her parent's plea for her to let herself heal. She'd thought they were being dramatic. It had only been a mild concussion, some bruises, and a cut on her forehead. The stitches looked less angry now. The skin was no longer red and angry. Rowan suspected that the stitches could be removed within the next few days. She was glad about it too. 

She hadn't seen Levi since he brought her home. She recalled how the ride home had been quiet and tense. A hand of hers brushed at the back of her neck, tugging at the skin there, as she remembered how his eyes had darted everywhere but at her face. It was like he'd been searching for some threat. He'd been wary of riding a horse again, it almost seemed like he'd been warier than her, but she'd insisted she'd be fine. So, they'd rode back to town. The horse had been perfectly behaved this time, to their relief. Although, the tense muscles of his shoulders and stiff line of his mouth had been present until he'd walked her to her doorstep, made sure she'd stepped inside, and she'd bid him a good day. He hadn't stopped by her house or even the bakery. It worried her, but she tried not to think about it too much. She was certain she'd see him at the party she'd been invited to.

Another distraction was trying to pick what song to perform and outfit to wear for the party. Song possibilities were endless. Outfits, not so much. She had two days before the big night and she hadn't tried on a single thing. A few images played through her mind as she finished creating a perfectly frosted and decorated cake. It was a small cake meant for a baby shower. Placing a hand against the corner, she leaned back and studied the cake, a bit absentmindedly. She thought of a pretty mauve blouse she owned. Maybe she could pair it with a knee-length skirt. Or perhaps, she could even wear one of the few casual dresses she owned. She could easily dress one up a bit with jewelry and makeup. She huffed and blew a stray red strand of hair out of her face. Pulling herself out of her mind, she snatched up a delivery box and gently placed the small cake within the box. Then, she stuffed it in their ice room. The customer wasn't due to pick it up for another hour. It didn't take long for a headache to throb in her skull as she dared to think of what song would be appropriate to perform. 

Roughly an hour and a half later, Rowan was cleaning up some dishes and preparing to leave. Her father was due in just a few minutes to take over. It hadn't been a very busy day. There'd been a few customers who'd sat down for coffee or tea, but none of them had stayed long or requested more than two or three cups. Most of the work had been pickup orders. A few of them still rested in the ice room. She'd made a mental note to take some extra ingredients aside for a special dessert she planned to make for the party. It would be a large batch, just to be safe. She was unsure just how many people would be at the party. Setting one last dish on the drying rack above her head, she wiped off her hands and tore off the apron protecting her plain work clothes. As if on cue, the bell at the entrance rang and her father came into view soon after. He came in with a smile, his cheeks red from the cold air outside, and his hair a bit disheveled. She waved him goodbye after he'd mentioned what time he wanted her to open up tomorrow and stepped out of the back. A cold breeze picked up the ends of her hair as she hugged her arms tight around herself and found her mind tumbling over several different songs, each of their lyrics and melodies ringing like a bell in her head.

The next morning hadn't been much better. She'd settled on an outfit, at least. A casual, but flattering dress stuck on a hanger hung from the top of her door. It was a plum color that she thought looked good with her pale skin and auburn hair. It was long-sleeved and free of any lace or pretty buttons, but it accentuated her waist and she'd already picked a set of earrings and a necklace to help spice it up. She glanced up at the outfit and finished buttoning up her shirt. She pulled on her work shoes and grabbed her set of keys as well a jacket. It was starting to get colder. It was fairly close to the holiday season. It was nearly her favorite time of year. She locked the door behind her and jumped off her steps into the cobblestone street. She had plans to stay longer after her shift to make some treats for the party. She'd spent many hours flipping through recipe books before she settled on two different deserts. Both of the recipes were meant to provide bigger quantities. Rowan had settled on one of her mother's favorites, Chocolate Pecan Caramels, which were more of a candy than anything. And the other had been one of Eliza's favorites, Cherry Bars. Rowan, herself, wasn't really a big fan of either, but tonight she wasn't making something for herself. She was providing brave young men and women with song and sugary sweet treats. It felt good to offer whatever she could, even though she did have a bit of anxiety about performing. A huff of air swirled in a white cloud around her head after it left her lips. She mentally scolded herself as she thrust a key into the bakery's lock. The lock clicked after as she turned it and pushed open the door, the bell chiming behind her. After a quick sweep of the bakery, she pulled on her apron and started removing treats from the ice room, placing them in the display case in the front of the bakery. A light feeling bloomed in her chest as she hummed a song she'd heard at the local tavern several times when she walked home late at night. Then, as if she'd been struck by lightning, she knew what song she wanted to sing. With a joyous laugh to herself, she pulled out the ingredients she needed for her potluck desserts and got to work, not stopping until her first customer came in a few hours later, announcing a loud greeting with a voice that she found familiar. She quickly finished pouring her configuration of warm caramel, pecans, and chocolate into a pan and shoved the pan onto a shelf in the ice room. She wiped her hands across her apron and darted for the front of the store. Sure enough, Rowan wasn't surprised to find a tall woman with crazy brown hair and a wide smile leaning across the counter, her eyes following Rowan as she stepped up to the other side of the register.

"Hello," Rowan muttered with a kind smile.

"Hiya," Hange returned as her eyes slid over to the display case. Her warm brown eyes settled on a tray of powdered brownies, her body zipped to the side like a wayward arrow, and she pressed her face to the glass.

Normally, Rowan would've winced a bit at the smudge marks that were sure to appear after Hange tore her skin from the glass, but she stifled a giggle as the woman stared at the soft brownies with an open mouth and gleaming eyes. "Would you like one?"

"Yes, buuut," Hange said as she tore herself from the glass and smiled at the red haired girl in front of her. "I can't. I just came to inquire about what song you'd like to sing for the party, so the band can prepare a little in advance."

With a blink and a quick smile, Rowan trod over to the display case and pulled free a brownie, placing it on a small platter for her new friend. "Here, my treat. Think of it as a small part of a payment for helping me the other day."

"Wow, you really are as sweet as Levi said," Hange said brightly as she yanked the platter from the girl's hands and started stuffing her mouth full of fluffy brownie. "I'll consider your payment full when you perform."

"He said that?" The question left her lips before she could stop it.

"Something along those lines," Hange admitted, a few crumbs sticking to the side of her mouth. "You know how he is. Not the best with words, but after a while, you start to understand what he's trying to say, even if he doesn't understand himself."

"Right," Rowan murmured with a shy smile.

"Anyways," the tall woman said as she swallowed the last bite and wiped a hand across her mouth, then leaned against the counter again. "Back to business. What song are you considering?"

A playful smile spread across Rowan's lips as she leaned on the counter, ready to tell her just what song she had in mind.

The nerves inside Rowan's stomach threatened to make her throw up as she gripped at the edges of the platters she held in her grasp. The party wouldn't start for nearly another forty minutes, but she had arrived early to meet with the band and help prepare the mess hall for the party. Most of the tables had been dragged out of the room into a separate hall to make room for a dance floor, but a few still remained. One table was being used for food. One for refreshments, utensils, and napkins. Another table, a bit longer than the others, had been saved for the young men and women to sit at while they ate or rested. A makeshift stage had been set up in the far corner of the room, where the band warmed up their instruments, and the notes echoed throughout the room along with the chatter of people who were still setting up. She nervously glanced around for someone she recognized but wasn't met with any familiar eyes. The young man who had escorted her from her own house to the base had left a few minutes ago and insisted that someone would come to find her. She had hoped that Levi would come to her house and escort her to the party, but he was nowhere to be seen. Swallowing thickly and taking a deep breath, she willed herself to move forward and make her way to the food table. She set her platters on the table delicately and glanced at the other food that decorated the surface of the wooden table. Most of the options weren't anything extravagant. She spotted some miniature sandwiches stacked into a pyramid, cubes of cheese and crispy crackers, and a vegetable platter. There were a few others, but she busied herself with unwrapping her cherry bars and the chocolate pecan caramels, so she didn't notice what else there was. She was glad she'd brought desserts, there didn't seem to be any other platters full of sweets on the table. She stepped back to admire her platters when a large, warm hand grasped at her shoulder. A surprised gasp left her mouth.

"My, my," Erwin rumbled behind her. His blue eyes taking in the desserts she brought. "How kind of you. They look delicious."

"It was nothing," Rowan replied. The nerves in her stomach didn't settle.

A small smile lifted the corners of his lips as he looked over her. "You look lovely."

"Ah," Rowan said as she gazed down at her dress for half a second. "Thank you."

She met his eyes then and smiled softly in return. He was dressed nicely, free of uniform, and confident in posture. He looked handsome with his hair neatly combed and his emerald bolo tie fastened around his neck. She briefly wondered if Levi would wear his plain black suit or if he would settle for slacks and a dress shirt. She had to restrain her eyes from scanning around the room to look for him.

"You look nice as well," she finally offered.

He dipped his chin in thanks and held his hand out to her. A bit nervously, she placed her hand in his grasp and let him lead her across the room to the stage. Her throat felt thick as she tried to calm the nerves within her. The band didn't seem to notice her at first, they continued plucking at their instrument or blowing a single note into there contraptions. Erwin cleared his throat and the band quickly jumped up from their seat. One of them even enthusiastically saluted and Rowan had to stifle a giggle at the deadpan expression on the man's face. Erwin actually did chuckle as he waved a dismissive hand.

"No need to salute tonight," he instructed before pulling on Rowan's hand and introducing her to the band. "This is Rowan Roth. I'd like you all to do a quick rehearsal before we let everyone in."

"Of course, commander," the same man who had saluted before insisted with a bob of his head. 

Rowan sent a nervous glance at the commander and he smiled encouragingly at her, gently helping her up on the stage. An ear piercing whistle rang through the room and silenced the chatter that had echoed throughout the mess hall. Several pairs of eyes suddenly focused in on her stiff form on the stage. The bile in her throat threatened to suffocate her as she stared out at the people who had been helping set up the mess hall. Handsome blue eyes urged her to relax as she peered down at them and she felt herself nod, slowly. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and willed the nerves to ease themselves. It took a few more deep inhales and exhales before she turned to the band and gestured for them to start. The song started out fast and lively, it was one of the reasons she had picked it. It was a fun song to dance to. She wanted the people attending the party to feel at ease and dance the night away. A happy distraction. A night of no worries and joy. She closed her eyes and felt the thrum of the instruments make the stage vibrate beneath her feet and swayed to the rhythm. Then, she opened her eyes and started to sing, loud and clear. She didn't feel the eyes watching her in amazement. She didn't feel the nerves that had made her body hot and sweaty before. Now all she felt was the music She was briefly transported into a memory of her swinging in a circle, arm in arm with her closest friend, Eliza, as they danced to this song. It was the night of her wedding. Usually, the memory would spur on unshed tears, but now it only brought joy. Rowan found herself hopping enthusiastically to the music as she sang and even interacted with the band, placing a hand on the shoulder of a man strumming on a stringed instrument. Her mouth had been stretched into a smile as she performed, but even as the song came to a close, she didn't feel the painful tug in her jaw as she thrust her arms out in a finish as the song ended. Nearly breathless, she bowed shyly and giggled as a few of the bystanders clapped their hands together. A familiar voice was louder than the rest as she _whooped_ and _hurrayed. _Rowan met Hange's eyes and bowed once more, a laugh bubbling from her lips.

"Oh my god," Hange yelled as she helped the short girl off of the stage. "You are amazing! The kids are going to love it!"

"Thank you," Rowan said with the rush of joy and adrenaline still making her heart pump in her chest.

"Speaking of-," Erwin said suddenly as he gestured towards the swinging mess hall doors. "I believe our cadets are due to appear soon."

"Oh right," Rowan said with a nervous smile as she adjusted her hair.

She glanced around for the person she wanted to see the most, but he was still nowhere to be seen. Hange immediately noticed the trail that the girl's eyes were following around the room and she patted the girl's shoulder.

"He's helping in the kitchen," she informed with a roll of her eyes. "Probably yelling at some poor guy about how his kitchen space isn't tidy enough. He'll be out soon, don't worry."

"Probably," Rowan echoed as she swung a mass of her auburn curls over her shoulder as Hange nudged her opposite shoulder playfully.

"Hange, Rowan," Erwin said with a strong voice. "I'd like you two to stand on the far right side of the stage. Rowan, I'm going to give a short speech and then I'll invite you on stage. You can take a moment to catch your breath and then you start the band. The stage will be yours."

"Alright," she replied a bit breathlessly. The nerves still crashed around in her lower stomach, like crazed butterflies, but she knew she could perform just as well as she had before. She just had to keep breathing deeply and think of the encouragement that had been gifted to her. Though she wondered how Erwin would introduce her. What was she exactly? Levi's friend? Yes. But what did that really have to do with the survey corps? She was just the daughter of a baker in a safe city within the walls. Her fingers started to wring themselves.

Hange grabbed hold of Rowan's wrist and led her to the right side of the stage. Erwin climbed up on the platform of a stage and stood straight, his blue eyes calm, but alight with something that almost looked like excitement. In a matter of seconds, the sound of young voices could be heard just outside of the doors, their words overlapping one another as they suddenly pushed through the doors and spread out across the room. It took hardly a minute or two for the room to fill. The chatter died out as several teens nudged the arm of the person next to them, their eyes staring up at the man on the stage. His presence just commanded the attention of every person in the room. Even Rowan couldn't help but lock her eyes on the blonde man just a few feet away from her. Everyone waited patiently for the commander to start, his blue eyes lingering on the young faces before him. Then, he opened his mouth, and his voice was strong and clear with purpose and meaning:

"Good evening, young men and women of the 104th training corps."

There was a pregnant pause as those blue eyes scanned through the crowd, his mouth permanently lifted into an unsettling serene smile. Rowan looked around and wondered if anyone else thought the commander had an unsettling disposition. How could he be so polite and proper, yet perplexing and interesting all at once? A rush of warm air blew against her neck and she nearly whirled around, but a familiar and disgruntled voice soothed her slight alarm.

"Did I miss much?" Levi muttered in a low voice. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him fiddling with the top button of his shirt. "The kitchen was a fucking disaster."

"Erwin is beginning his speech," she whispered, turning her head towards him. The excitement she felt because of his presence sent a thrill straight to her fingertips. She wasn't sure why she wanted to touch him all of a sudden. "I'm supposed to perform after he's done."

A curt nod was his only reply and Rowan let her eyes slide back to the man on the stage.

"I know that the last few weeks haven't been easy. We have suffered many losses. Been introduced to new threats and problems. However, we have newfound success as well, but this is merely the beginning. Each and every person in this room is important to our cause and our mission. And I believe a little break is in store. Tonight is not a night for politics or strategy. Tonight is a night for dance. Tonight is a night to forget about those hardships, even it's just for a few hours."

A round of applause thundered through the room. Erwin lifted his arm, his eyes falling on her small form. Her fingers dug at the plum fabric of her dress.

"I'm sure you are all dying to dance and eat and drink, so I'd like to introduce a friend of Captain Levi's and mine as well."

Rowan reached for the hand that lifted her onto the stage. She felt like throwing up again.

"This is Rowan Roth," Erwin announced. 

She heard several murmurs in the crowd. Several eyes widened.

_Captain Levi has friends? _

_I think I saw her in the infirmary not too long ago!_

_She's so small._

_What is she doing here?_

_Wow, her hair is so pretty._

Most of the comments left a strange feeling in her stomach, though she did smile when she heard someone admiring her hair. A nervous hand brushed back a stray curl.

"Rowan helps her parents run a bakery and she was kind enough to bring a few desserts for you all tonight," Erwin continued. Excited gasps echoed through the crowd at the mention of "desserts."

"She was also kind enough to agree to perform for you all tonight. A reliable source tells us she has a gift, besides baking. To help kick off the night, I give the stage to you now, Rowan."

He leaned a bit closer to her face and whispered, "good luck."

Then, he elegantly left the stage. It was just her and the band now. That same anxiety induced bile was thick in her throat again. The room was eerily silent as she stared out in the crowd. A familiar boy with green eyes was mouthing words of encouragement to her. Eren. A short smile formed on her mouth and dropped. When she let her eyes roam once more she found herself staring down at Levi. He was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed and the sleeves of his pure white dress shirt rolled up to his elbows. So, he had decided to just wear a button-up and slacks. She nearly expected him to wear a scowl as if to question why the hell she hadn't started yet, but instead, his expression was strangely gentle. He lifted his shoulders, the motion a bit exaggerated, and opened his mouth as if he was exhaling. He was reminding her to just breathe. More murmurs from the crowd. They sounded impatient. Rowan dipped her head, her eyes not leaving Levi's until she closed them. It took three deep breaths before she opened her eyes and smiled. Then, she turned to the band. The music started and she started swaying, the movement distracting her from the nerves she had. _I can do this,_ she thought bravely. The fingers that had been full of fabric eased themselves and she gently swayed her hips, feeling the music for the second time that night. A short and reassuring thought ran its way through her head as she opened her mouth. _Eliza would've loved this. She would've been proud of me._ Some of the kids in the crowd had already started to dance, their faces full of excitement. Then, she started to sing.

"She played the fiddle in a makeshift band

and she fell in love with a boarish man.

He kissed her on the neck and took her by the hand and said

'baby, I just want to dance with my pretty

little fair-haired girl."

Rowan had become more lively. Her body never ceased moving as she made faces as she sang. The cadets had broken out into smaller groups by now. Some had gone straight to the food table, but most had stayed to dance. In the middle of the floor, she could see Eren dragging his friends into a clumsy dance. Her heart bloomed at the sight. Surprisingly, she'd managed to avoid looking at Levi throughout most of the song. She'd been too enraptured with the scene before her and the band playing in time behind her. But she couldn't help but let her body slow and her eyes travel to that same spot on the wall where he resided. His eyes looked so strange that she nearly stopped singing, but she didn't let her eyes fall from his as she neared the end of her song. When it was over, the room erupted in applause. Several people cried out for another song. Rowan tore her eyes from Levi and bowed to the audience. She could Eren hollering praise from the middle of the room and she thought she could hear Armin as well, though his voice was definitely a bit softer. More requests for another song were shouted up at her on the stage.

"Tell you what," she said as she lifted her arms in consideration. "Let me speak to the band real quick. Please, go grab some food and enjoy yourselves."

The rest of the crowd moved like a ripple of water and shoved their way towards the food table. She turned on her heel to face the band, her skirt flowing as she did so.

"Do you know 'Carry Me'?" She inquired.

"Of course," one of the band members replied incredulously. "That's a classic. Do you want us to play that one next?'

"Yes, please," she said softly. "Let's give them a few minutes to eat. Just play two or three songs and then I'll come back up on stage."

"Alright, your wish is our command," came the smooth voice of the man who had saluted Erwin earlier. He recited the title of a piece she didn't recognize and the band broke out into a pleasant melody. It was something attractive in sound, but nothing too exciting or romantic that made people want to leave their seats.

Rowan prepared herself to leave the stage when warm hands wrapped themselves around her slim waist, helping her off the stage. She nearly whined at the loss of contact but promptly bit her tongue. Steely eyes regarded her with a sort of fondness in their depths. She felt a blush on her cheeks.

"That was nice," he complimented, though it came out a bit awkwardly. It was like he wasn't used to giving compliments.

"Thank you," she giggled as a rush made her sway into his side. "I'm a bit lightheaded now."

He grabbed her arms immediately, offering stability as she tried to insist she was fine. He lead her to the wall.

"I'll go grab you some water."

Then, without another cool sounding word, he disappeared into the crowd of chattering cadets. A smile worked its way onto her mouth as she thought about how considerate he was. You'd think he wasn't capable of being such a thing at first meeting. He was always so serious and quiet, his words usually a bit more harsh or blunt when he did speak, but he was so _kind._ She felt admiration swirl in her chest and that was almost as dizzying as the high of performing. The wall held her up as she spotted a head of inky black hair moving through the crowd. Several young men and women moved out of the way, their faces contorted with slight fear as he moved past. It was hilarious and a bit sad that so many people felt that way about him, Rowan decided. He slid a cup of water into her grasp and she felt the drops of moisture on her fingers. The liquid was cold as it slid down her throat and it even eased a bit of the rush she had felt in her head. She thanked him once the water was gone and he looked somewhat satisfied. He'd probably make her drink two or three more before he felt completely alright. She didn't mind. Water was good for the vocal cords or so she'd heard. She set the cup on a nearby table and hoped no one would pick it up. Her eyes playfully met the cold, still eyes of the man before her. Maybe she was still feeling a bit of adrenaline, but it was good. She felt brave.

"You owe me at least one dance tonight," she announced. "Slow or fast, I don't care."

He shuffled a bit awkwardly at the last few words. She watched in puzzlement as he shoved his hands in his pockets and watched his inky hair fall in his eyes, which were focused anywhere but on her. She wasn't sure why he'd reacted in such a way. He'd danced with her at the twin's parent's party after a bit of cajoling. What was the problem now? She hoped he wasn't embarrassed by her. Her fingers itched to touch him and she unconsciously reached for him. His head snapped towards her, his blue-grey eyes landing on her hands. Suddenly she understood why he'd looked so uncomfortable. And it sent another entirely different thrill through her. There was something hot running through her veins and she leaned forward to whisper in his ear. His body grew stiff when he felt her breath on the shell of his ear. 

"I'm going to perform one more song," her voice sounded strangely breathless. "Let's find someplace to be alone after I'm done singing."

Then, she stepped away from the warmth of his body. His hands were still shoved in his pockets and she didn't look back as she walked to the stage, grabbing a hand of one of the band members who hauled her up and she smoothed down her skirt. She wasn't nervous to sing this time. In fact, she wanted to get it over with and drag Levi into an empty room. She could see it in his gaze. He wanted to be touched. Maybe he wanted to touch her as well. Holding her head high, she ignored the eyes that were burning into her skin from the wall and announced in a clear, loud voice:

"You all requested another song. I think I have just one more song left in me before I let the band take care of us for the rest of the night. I thought it would be nice to slow it down for a bit."

Then, she turned her head slightly and nodded towards the band behind her. A melody, slow and gentle, yet haunting started. Her mother used to sing this song to her when she was little and couldn't sleep at night. She breathed deeply and opened her mouth, the words already on the tip of her tongue. 

"While you sleep,

you dream of me.

I'll be keeping a memory.

Living in my heart and soul,

waiting for the day 

when we will be together again.

Carry me, to my love.

While I sing to the gods above.

There I know he's waiting for me.

Carry me, to my love."

The rest of the song passed by in a blur. The words were like second nature as she let them flow from her mouth and echo in the room around her. The room had been so quiet, save for the instruments and Rowan's voice. When she had finished, she bowed slightly. Smiling and waving at the whistles and claps that were meant for her. Once the clapping had died down, she thanked the audience for risking their lives and being brave, the words heartfelt and genuine, then she climbed off the stage. A few claps still resounded around her as she felt the same hands around her waist. Only this time, she wasn't set gently on the ground. She felt his fingers grip her wrist tightly and spun her around, leading her out of the room. The sound of her own heart became unbearably loud. No one had really noticed the two of them leave, the band had broken out into a song that demanded to be danced to and nearly everyone complied. Nearly everyone, except for a tall, handsome commander who had seen the two of them zip through the mess hall. The back of Rowan's head clearly visible as Levi dragged her through the crowd. Red hair like that was rare, Erwin could clearly see the curling auburn strands bounce as they departed. His eyes briefly glanced at Levi's dark hair, but they flitted back to that same head of pretty red hair. He thought that the colors complimented each other well, a smirk formed on his lips and he moved from the spot he'd been rooted to. He needed a drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and thanks to all the people who commented on the last chapter! Sorry that I didn't respond to each of you individually. I promise I'll get back into that habit soon. What do you think? Don't be afraid to let me know, even if its a bit of constructive criticism. Y'all know the drill. I apologize for any mistakes blah, blah. Let me know if you find any. I'll fix them blah, blah. Till next time:)


	14. A Bit of a Disaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! This chapter is going to be way shorter than usual. Also, prepare for a bit of angst. Please don't kill me.

Erwin traversed through the crowd of swaying and spinning young people, a few moved out of his way, but most continued to dance. The band had produced one lively tune after another, but the commander didn't feel like dancing at the moment. He had gotten his drink, a glass of fine whiskey, which he held close to his chest as he watched the crowd before him. Several of his cadets could be seen from where he stood. Eren and his close friends, Mikasa and Armin, were close to the middle of the room. Eren was dancing in a rather smooth fashion with just the slightest movement of his legs as he grabbed Mikasa's hand and twirled her in a circle. Armin was the only one who looked odd in the group. His movements were jerky and unsure as if he lacked confidence, but that changed when Eren grabbed hold of his hands and led him into a comical foxtrot. Mikasa clapped both her hands together and watched in amusement. The duo ended their dance and broke into a bout of heavy laughter.

Just a bit to the left, close to the snack table, he could see Reiner and Bertholt chewing away at one of the desserts that Rowan had kindly provided. The pair were engaged in conversation, their eyes occasionally drifting over the crowd. Letting his eyes move along, he saw Historia and Krista dancing the waltz together that certainly didn't suit the song being performed, but they looked happy. Further on the right side of the room, Erwin's mouth tilted upwards when he saw Hange dancing with Connie and Sasha. Their dance was definitely _unique_ and full of energy that only those three could possess. Everyone looked relatively happy. It was what he wanted, after all. They most likely wouldn't enjoy something like this ever again. The whiskey burned in his throat as he took a sip from his glass. 

Though he tried not to think of it too much, he couldn't stop his eyes from wandering to the door that Levi and Rowan had stepped through only minutes before. It wasn't hard to guess where they were going. Some place quiet, no doubt. Levi had always hated being stuck in a room full of loud people. That wasn't the only thing that aided Erwin's suspicion though, he saw how Levi had been pulling at the buttons near his throat, and how he had gripped Rowan's small wrist. It wasn't hard for Erwin to figure out that there was something between the two. Of course, Rowan didn't hide the fond look in her eye when she gazed at the short man. And Erwin had known Levi so long that he had picked up on several certain behaviors of his. The captain was a master at remaining in a perpetual state of boredom or indifference, but he could see the softness in his gestures towards the young woman. No one else might've noticed, except maybe Hange, but it was there. It wasn't difficult to understand why the captain might have feelings for her. Erwin thought that Rowan was strikingly beautiful with her unique hair, porcelain skin that held the slightest flush of pink, and her petite, but finely formed figure. She was also uncommonly kind and it didn't take much digging to see that her heart was gentle. The girl might've been a bit shy and even a bit awkward, but it was all endearing. Levi seemed to take a liking to kind people, especially women. Erwin briefly thought of Petra and how close the pair had been. Another sip of whiskey tugged at his throat as he gazed out at the crowd. One last time, he peered over at the door, and let Hange grab onto his arm and try to lead him into the crowd. Setting his glass down on the edge of a table, he followed Hange into the crowd and bowed slightly before beginning a waltz. He hoped he would be able to dance with Rowan. There were questions he wanted to ask her, after all.

Rowan gasped quietly as Levi tugged her into an empty room and slammed the door shut behind them, he paused at the door. His back was to her, but she could see the slightest bit of his fine profile as he stared down at the door handle. Mustering up all her courage, she walked up the captain, her shoes clicking against the wood floor, and wrapped her arms around him. His back muscles felt taut as she pressed her cheek against the smooth fabric of his shirt, but he didn't push her away. That same clean and enticing scent lingered on his clothes and she inhaled through her nose, letting it fill up her lungs and warm her skin. Slowly, one of his hands covered her own and a smile spread across her lips. Letting go, she pulled away and turned him around, his eyes were cast downward, creating shadows over his features, but she could see the bright blue-grey of his eyes swirling with intense emotions.

"I don't know what is wrong with me," he said quietly. The words held a dangerous edge to them as he refused to look at her face. "But I don't think I'll feel alright again until you touch me."

"Where?" Rowan said after a deep breath.

"Anywhere."

A rush of warmth settled in her stomach and her body ached to cover him, but it was like her feet were glued to the floor. He was breathing hard and the first few buttons of his shirt were undone, she could see the sharp edge of his collarbone, and her mouth watered at the thought of kissing him there. Rowan's heart was beginning to pick up speed within the confines of her ribcage. Her skin felt hot, her knees trembled a bit, and her fingers wanted to tear the buttons right off of his shirt and expose the hard muscles she had felt beneath her fingers before. The breath in her throat caught when Levi finally looked up. His eyes raked over her, but his expression twisted when he looked at her face. One of his hands ran through the inky strands of his hair when he noticed how she was rubbing her fingers over the wrist he had held earlier.

"Rowan," he croaked. "I- I shouldn't have dragged you like that-"

His words were completely cut off as Rowan lurched forward, grabbing his face gently in her small hands, and pulling his mouth towards her. Lips soft and plush met his own and tugged at his mouth in a firm, but gentle caress. A surprised sound left his throat and his eyes widened as he waited for disgust to roll over him in drowning waves, but they didn't come. Instead, all he could focus on was the feel of her lips against his. It was something he'd never felt before and something he didn't realize he had longed for. Leaning into her touch, he closed his eyes and wrapped his hands in her curls. They felt soft in his hands. He had touched her hair a few times before. Most recently, when she'd fallen asleep on the horse and he'd brushed her hair tenderly away from her face so he could see her better, but she had woken up and he had to play it cool. His hands gripped tightly at the back of her head when he was reminded of how she'd been thrown off of the horse. Of the blood that had gushed from her head and how she'd been unresponsive. A nearly undetectable strangled sound left his lips when one of his fingers felt the slight edge of the skin where the stitches had been removed. It had definitely scared the shit out of him. 

Rowan pulled away first and looked up at him with bright, smiling eyes. They traveled over his face, searching for some kind of negative reaction, and one of her thumbs rubbed soothing circles on his cheek.

"I'm not upset," she laughed. "I just really wanted to kiss you."

"Uh," Levi cleared his throat. "Yeah, I-um. I liked it."

He cringed inwardly at his fantastic fucking speaking abilities.

"I know," Rowan whispered with a flirtatious spark in her eyes. "Can I do it again?"

"Uh-"

Without waiting for an actual response, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his again. He was practically reeling from the feel of it all. He didn't get overwhelmed very often, but it was hard not to when he felt her slim body pressed against his and how her hands had started to grip at his hair. He supposed that it wasn't the bad kind of being overwhelming. It didn't take long for him to match her movements and meet her kiss as ardently. He had always been a fast learner. His hands touched wherever he thought they would be welcomed and avoided skimming his fingers along the edge of her neckline, though he wanted to. Rowan's hands had pressed themselves against his chest and her fingers were spread out evenly, her right hand mostly rested over his heart, which practically jumped beneath her palm. This kiss was much different than the first, he realized. This kiss was fast and nearly stole the air out of both of their lungs. The first kiss had been soft and full of sweet emotions. He couldn't decide if he liked one more than the other when he broke away and pressed his face into the crook of her neck. It was like he couldn't breathe, but the scent of Rowan's perfume soothed his lungs. His fingers gripped at her upper arms as they both caught their breath. 

Rowan shivered when she felt his harsh exhale brush the sensitive flesh of her neck. He'd never done this before, but she found that she rather liked this breathless, hot and bothered version of him. It was such a contrast from what he usually showed her. Closing her eyes, she ran her fingers up the back of his neck and leaned her cheek against the side of his head. They were frozen in that position for a few minutes until they'd calmed down enough to breathe normally. Rowan's skin still felt hot to the touch and she longed for him to touch her more. She longed for more kisses and a hand grasping at her chest, but he remained as still as a statue. Nearly ready to ask if he was okay, Rowan lifted her head and opened her mouth, but was quickly caught off guard by the press of his mouth against her throat. Silently, he did the same thing again and Rowan let her eyes flutter shut. His lips dragged across her neck and settled on a spot just below her ear. A shiver traveled up her spine and a quiet moan left her lips when he nibbled at the skin there. She realized suddenly that he was copying her kisses from the other day in his personal quarters. A gasp tore through her when he bit her harder. It was a sweet kind of pain and she found herself feeling breathless all over again.

"Do it to me," he commanded when he lifted his head away from her neck. His eyes looked illuminated in the dim light of the room.

With a short nod and coy smile, Rowan pressed her hands to his chest and pushed his back against the door with an amount of force that surprised him. The surprise was quickly forgotten when she began to unbutton a few more buttons on his shirt. A little sliver panic worked its way through his body as he looked down at her.

"Oi, what are you-"

His mouth abruptly shut when she pressed a chaste kiss to his collarbone. She looked up at him with wide eyes, as if asking for permission, and he quickly swallowed.

"Right."

Then, she did it again and again. Each kiss gained pressure and burned his skin as she worked her way up to his neck. A low growl lingered in his throat when she bit his neck. It was easy to get lost in the sensations he was feeling and he let his head fall back against the hard door behind him. His teeth bit at his lip to refrain from making any sounds. One of his hands played with her hair and he gazed down at the red strands curling around his callused fingers with half-lidded eyes. He took in the sight of the pale skin and soft rise of her breasts that protruded slightly from the neckline of her dress. His fingers skimmed over her collarbone as she bit down on a particularly sensitive spot close to the nape of his neck and his eyes closed momentarily. When they opened again, he reached around the back of her head and pulled her closer. It was hard for him to believe any of this was happening. He knew he wasn't very likable and he could be blunt, and awkward. He cringed inwardly when he thought of the age difference between the two of them and the hands that had gripped the back of her head slowly slid down her arms to grip her tightly. His body craved her lips against his skin once more, but he squashed down the emotions that ran over him like a turbulent tide. Her pretty eyes were wide and full of worry as he looked down at her. There was no way he could accurately describe what he was feeling, so he did what he did best. He shoved her away and tried to ignore the look of pure hurt in her eyes.

"I have to go," he mumbled in a monotone voice as he turned on his heels and threw open the door. "Go back to the party. Erwin wanted to dance with you."

Then, Rowan was all alone with a bowed head and tears fresh in her eyes. She allowed a few tears to fall and she quickly wiped them away. Crying wouldn't help anything other than helping her release some of the hurt and embarrassment she was feeling. His cold words echoed in her head as she composed herself as well as she could and left the room a few minutes after Levi had disappeared. The music from the mess hall could still be heard and made the floor vibrate as she stepped through a twin doorway. No one paid her any mind as she stepped into the room and quickly scanned the room. Levi was nowhere to be seen as she expected, so she stepped over to the snack table with moist eyes and began to stuff her face with a cherry bar, though she didn't like them. A voice called her name and she glanced around to see where it had come from, wiping a few crumbs from the corner of her mouth. A tall figure was moving through the crowd with a charming smile on his face that faltered when he saw the miserable look on Rowan's face. When he was close enough, he gently reached out to touch her elbow. She smiled weakly, an attempt to hide her feelings, but it did nothing to fool Erwin. He already suspected what was wrong, but he asked anyway.

"What happened?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyye. What did you guys think? The first kiss followed with some nice angst. I was really excited to write their first kiss and introduce some insecure Levi. I did promise it in my tags, after all. Leave me a comment or kudos, y'all know I love those. See you next chapter!:)


	15. Stifling

Rowan had nearly dove into an explanation of why she was upset and why she was stuffing her face full of a dessert she didn't even like, but it dawned on her that she'd have to explain how she'd been making out with Levi in a dark room away from all the noise. So, she fiddled with the remaining piece of the cherry bar in her hand and wiped at her mouth, though she'd already removed all the crumbs seconds before. Her eyes met deep blue orbs that were narrowed slightly, thick brows furrowed only the slightest bit, and a mouth that was free of any strain. She moved her elbow away from his fingers, his eyes flitting downwards before rising again, and he placed his hands behind his back. His chin tilted as if he was acknowledging the fact she didn't want to be touched silently to himself, and he offered a stiff smile.

"Sorry," Rowan mumbled as she stared at the crumbs breaking off into her palm. "I just get nervous too easily."

"No need to apologize," he said quickly.

He was still waiting for her to reply. Trying to think of an entirely vague way to describe what had happened, Rowan's eyes drifted off to the side of Erwin's head where a smudge of wild brown hair and thick glasses was approaching at the speed of a stray cat racing down an alley. Erwin followed her eyes, turned slightly, and as if it was nothing, turned back to her. Hange was getting closer and Rowan took a few steps back, the woman was moving weirdly fast. The woman slowed her speed once she got closer, and dragged her heels as if using the floor to slow her down. Rowan was surprised she couldn't hear a screeching sound from the soles of Hange's shoes. In an instant, she was next to Erwin's side, her hand resting on his shoulder and he wasn't even fazed by it. With a artificially calm expression, Rowan slowly set the remainder of her cherry bar on the table, which of course Hange noticed and snatched up the final piece, stuffing it in her mouth. This time, Rowan didn't hide the bewilderment on her face. Erwin was still completely unfazed. 

"Hey," Hange said between bites. "Why are your eyes so red?"

"Rowan was just about to explain it," Erwin said calmly, his hands clasped in front of him now. 

Her eyes nearly popped out of her head. Now she had a small audience to talk to. Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, she tried to think of the positive side of this situation. These people had known Levi much longer than her. They could give better insight into why he had reacted so strangely. Taking a deep breath, she met the expectant pairs of soft brown and deep blue eyes. She repeated mentally that she had nothing to be embarrassed about. She was an adult just like the people in front of her. She could handle this properly and maturely. 

"I, um," Rowan started, a faint blush already working its way onto her cheeks. "I kissed Levi."

Hange's jaw dropped, which Rowan tried to ignore. Erwin raised a single eyebrow.

"I kissed him," she repeated softly, "and he was okay at first, but then he wasn't."

"What did he do?" Hange demanded to know, her index finger pushed at the bridge of her glasses.

"He pushed me away, wouldn't meet my eyes, and told me to go back to the party..." Rowan paused, her eyes glazed over the tall man close to her. "He said you wanted to dance with me, then he disappeared."

"Typical Levi," Hange said with an exaggerated roll of her eyes.

"He's done something like this before?" Rowan asked quickly, her voice growing louder.

"Not exactly in the romantic sense," Erwin started, one of his hands pawed at the lower part of his face. "Levi, in general, takes a long time to completely warm up to people. He doesn't trust easily. He doesn't function the same way as most of us do."

"I knew that the moment I met him," Rowan mumbled, her eyes falling to the floor. "How do I fix this?"

"I'd just wait it out," Hange said, placing a warm hand on the younger woman's shoulder. "He'll come around. He probably just needs a bit of time to process what happened."

"Yes," Erwin agreed. "He'll find you. Don't worry about it too much."

"Okay," Rowan sighed.

She felt a bit better about what had happened, though that nervous feeling her stomach was still present. Her eyes were focused on the ground as she bit her lip, clearly in thought, as she put her hands idly on her hips. She didn't even notice how the commander was staring at her, eyes narrowed with curiosity. In the background, he could hear the music begin to change, the upbeat tune had faded into a slow melody. Straightening his shoulders, he offered a hand to Rowan, who eyed it for a moment, her wide eyes rising quickly. 

"I'm going to go stuff my face with some cheese," Hange said, her eyes traveling over the two of them. She quickly disappeared.

”Can I have this dance?” Erwin asked, his head bowed.

”Oh...” Rowan muttered, her green eyes quickly traveling around the room.

She had nearly expected to see a flash of dark hair and narrowed blue-grey eyes, but there were none. So, she nodded and placed her hand within Erwin’s. Her palms felt clammy, she hoped he wouldn’t notice.

“Yes.”

The tall, handsome man led her further into the crowd of young men and women. Her shoulder brushed against a boy with cropped blond hair and his eyes flickered with amusement as she uttered a quick apology. The boy quickly turned his head, facing two of his friends, as Rowan was lead further into the crowd, but she didn’t miss the hushed voice that followed.

“_First, Captain Levi. Now the Commander? Damn, what is she playing at?”_

Rowan bit at her lip, her face growing hot. It was hard to keep from turning around to yell at the boy for his stupid implications, but she kept her shoulders straight and allowed Erwin to grasp her waist. She had more important things to worry about than the misinterpretations of a boy. She swallowed nervously as Erwin led her into a dance, their movements slightly out of rhythm since they'd started so late.

It was hard for her to meet his eyes, but she was taken aback by the disturbingly serene expression he wore when she finally managed to lift her eyes. His deep blue eyes were unblinking as he looked down at her. It seemed as if a question lingered on the tip of his tongue, yet he said nothing. Rowan swallowed nervously, her eyes settling on the dark green bolo tie at his throat. He had started to lead her movements to match the pace of the song, her skirt swinging gently. She could feel his large hand resting on her waist and her skin itched beneath the fabric that shielded her from his touch. Part of her felt ridiculous for feeling so uncertain about the man. He'd achieved many things just as much as he'd lost many things. The smart part of her felt that what he showed on the surface was much different than what was simmering on the inside. Her eyes narrowed the slightest bit as she met his eyes.

"Why did you want to dance with me?" Rowan said, her voice low.

His blue eyes shone. "You're very interesting."

"What?" She said with a raised brow.

"I wanted to get to know you a bit better," Erwin stated, his head dipping lower.

"There isn't much to know," Rowan mumbled as she looked around the room. Subconsciously, searching for a pair of intimidating eyes.

"Enlighten me."

"Okay," Rowan said quietly, the nerves in her stomach twisting and jumping. "Um, my birthday is in May. I'm an only child. One of my best friends died last year due to complications with childbirth...-"

Her words started to trail off as she looked down at their feet, his fingers tightened on her waist.

"I am sorry for your loss," Erwin said, his expression sincere.

"Thank you..." Rowan said quickly, her eyes flitting away once more as she shook her head gently. "Um...I can sing and I like to, obviously. Eliza always liked it when I sang. My father owns a bakery and I work there nearly every day. My dad wants me to take over the bakery in a few years."

"Do you want to?"

Rowan paused, a small smile reaching her lips. Her father had made it very clear since she was young that he wanted her to take over the bakery when he retired. She'd never minded it, of course. She enjoyed baking, fulfilling customer's wishes, and seeing their faces light up at the sight of their order, and the bakery was like a second home to her. She'd spent much of her life behind that counter assisting customers or in the back helping her parents. 

"Yes," she said simply. "I wouldn't mind it."

"I see," he said with a short nod.

After a pause, he spun her in a circle and pulled her back in. The smile on her lips grew. It had been a little awkward before, but she felt as if she was settling into the warm feeling of his hands and the charm he seemed to ooze from every pore. It was intoxicating, maybe a little overwhelming, but she decided to look past it as they continued to dance. She was certain a few people were staring at them, but she didn't care. People stared when she was with Levi too.

"What are your parents like?" He asked suddenly.

"My dad is kind of a dork," Rowan admitted with a roll of her eyes. "He's hardly ever in a bad mood. My mom was the more serious one and was the one who punished me when I was bad. My dad didn't have the heart for it."

A short laugh left Erwin's mouth. "Who do you think you take after?"

"Hm," Rowan's eyes squinted in thought. "I think I'm a good mix of both in terms of personality. Though, with looks, I'm almost a copy of my mom. Save for my nose and hair."

"Your father has red hair?"

"Nope, I'm the only one."

"Ah, you truly are unique," Erwin breathed, an attractive smile on his face.

The hand on her waist lifted to pat away a lock of hair that tickled her cheek. His hand hovered near her shoulder and their eyes locked. The air in her lungs seemed to still as she looked into those eyes the color of a deep lake. For a moment, she thought she could see gentle whirlpools in those eyes that pulled her further in. Her heart seemed to beat slower than normal. She could hear it's steady pulse in her ears, it was if the music had disappeared. A strange feeling had spread in her chest, but it wasn't warm. It wasn't cold either. It was like someone had pressed a hand to her chest, making it hard for her to breathe. It didn't feel right, but it also didn't feel wrong. When his hand finally fell to her shoulder, she jerked away and the moment ended. He didn't look surprised as she took a step back, a nervous laugh leaving her mouth. Erwin was composed as always.

"Sorry," Rowan quickly offered. "I'm not feeling too well. I think I should go home and rest."

"Of course," he nodded. "I can escort you-"

"No!"

One of his dark eyebrows lifted.

"I can find my own way home-"

"Are you stupid? It's dark outside," a sharp, yet dull voice interrupted.

A quiet yelp left Rowan's mouth when she heard Levi's voice so close. He'd appeared out of thin air. He seemed to be good at sneaking around. Looking to her right, she found Levi with his arms crossed and a scowl present on his face. Her heart skipped a beat. He looked as if he was back to normal. This man was giving her whiplash with his mood swings.

"Ah, Levi," Erwin acknowledged. "Would you mind escorting Rowan back home?"

"I don't have anything else to do," Levi said plainly as he turned to Rowan.

Their eyes met for the briefest of seconds. And of course, his expression gave absolutely nothing away. His fingers tugged on the sleeve of her dress.

"Let's go, brat," he demanded, pulling her away from Erwin.

"O-okay," she mumbled, allowing herself to be led away.

When she turned her head back to glance at Erwin, he was watching the two of them leave. His eyes met hers, the deep blue pulling her in again, and then he turned and disappeared into the crowd of dancing teenagers. That suffocating sensation tugged at her chest as she left the compound, Levi's hand still holding on to the sleeve of her dress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lately, I feel like most of my updates end with Erwin doing something sketchy. Hey everyone! I'm sorry it took me a while to update. I went on vacation for a few weeks and those weeks mostly consisted of lots of traveling + family reunions. I took a little bit of a break when I got home. Anyways, this update is a little short, but what did you guys think? Let me know! Also, thank you for the love you showed my story while I was on my break. Y'all are too sweet!:)


	16. Breaking Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally wrote this chapter instead of sleeping. Prepare yourself for a little bit of angst and maybe even a little spice? Who knows?;)

The chill bit at Rowan's cheeks as they walked home. The silence was nearly unbearable by this point. Levi hadn't spoken a word or looked in her direction. She'd glanced at him a few times. Each glance showed her the same thing as before. A passive face, tense shoulders, and dark eyes that only looked ahead. He must've sensed that she'd looked at him a few times, but he never spoke. It was starting to irritate her. It was difficult to get her truly riled up, but she felt as if she was halfway there. Taking a deep breath, she anxiously readjusted her hair and set her green eyes on the man next to her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" 

All she got was a shrug. That was all it took for her temper to come back. Her blood was hot in her face and in her hands.

"Well I do," she said with the most sass she'd ever given Levi.

He sharply turned his head at the change of her voice. Something flickered in his expression, probably a hint of surprise, but Rowan didn't catch it as she made herself stare at the ground. If she were his subordinate, he'd punish her for her insolence, but this was a completely different situation and he wasn't sure how to handle this angry girl whose cheeks were visibly red in the dim streetlights. He thought it was kind of cute, actually, but he'd never say that. It was clear she was very upset. Perhaps, rightfully so. His eyes raked over her face as she stubbornly avoided eye contact.

"Let's talk at your place," he finally said.

"Okay," came her huffed reply.

They didn't have very many minutes left before they made it to her house. It was only a few blocks away at this point. They continued in silence, leaving each to their own thoughts, and with a start, Rowan realized she'd left her dishes at the mess hall. She stopped in her tracks, clearly distraught, and hands thrown upwards. Her eyes quickly met Levi's. 

"I left my platters there," she whined.

"Don't worry about it," he said plainly. "I'll get them tomorrow."

Her temper flickered a bit and died down, like a gust of wind against the flame of a candle. "Really?"

"It's no problem."

"Oh...well thanks," she said a bit softer, her arms crossing over chest as they continued their pace.

She could see her house at this point, the plain brown roof and the wind chime made of broken pieces of glass and wire that hung from her tiny porch. The chime made a quiet twinkling sound, the wind wasn't strong enough tonight to make a raucous. Her mom had made it for her only a few days ago. It was pretty with its multiple sizes and shapes of glass in jewel tones. During the day, when the sun caught the glass, it would cast out bright lights of colors. It reminded her of the pretty, yet disturbing glass windows the old churches had. She'd only been in a church like that a few times, but the images in the glass windows stuck with her. 

Pulling her eyes away from the wind chime, she fished for the key to her house, that was buried in her dress pocket. She ignored the look the short man next to her had on his face as she searched for the key. Pulling out the key with the jagged edge, she tried not to let her face redden as she unlocked the door. Her fingers felt so cold due to the night air. It was a strange contrast, to be warm in the face, yet still bitten by the cold. The sensations fought over one another. Pushing open the door, she allowed Levi inside and shut the door behind him. After turning on a light, the key she had in her hand was dropped onto a counter close by and she gestured for Levi to sit down.

"I'm going to change," she informed. "Just give me a minute."

The heels of her boots clicked against the wooden floor as she disappeared into the safety of her own bedroom. She quickly replaced her dress with a thick nightgown of a boring color and a robe that covered her shoulders. The house was cold tonight, unfortunately, which meant she'd have to dig up one of her thicker blankets. Quietly retreating into the bathroom across the hall, she grabbed a bar of soap and scrubbed a mass of bubbles into her hands. Washing away her makeup, her face felt a little less trapped and she reveled in the feeling of a freshly washed face. Finally, she dried her hands and face, then massaged a lightly scented oil onto her face. Looking in the mirror and ignoring the nerves in her stomach, she took a deep breath and walked out of the bathroom. The _thump_ of her heart sounded loud in her ears as she found Levi sitting with his chin buried in his palm, his eyes cast downward. They rose and met hers at the slight creak of one of her floorboards. Her muscles tensed as she picked at her fingernails and tried not to stare in his eyes for too long. There were so many questions she wanted to ask and so many worries she wanted to voice, but her throat felt thick, so fighting against her nerves, she swallowed and met his eyes. Her gaze was uncertain, yet confident all at once. The combination made the air catch in Levi's throat, but he quickly recovered and straightened his spine, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Did I disgust you?" She asked, her voice quiet.

"No," the answer was immediate.

A sliver of relief worked its way into Rowan's chest.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No."

Another quick and steady answer. More relief.

"Do you regret it?"

There was a pause this time. A sick, cold feeling worked it's way up her throat as she watched his eyes flicker. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes. She no longer had the strength to look him right in the face. For a moment, Rowan thought that this must be where it ends. Whatever confusing, yet sweet relationship they had. The thought made a tear slip from its restraint and down her pale face. There was a creaking sound and a rustle of fabric. A hand was close to her face, slender fingers hovering near the tear that had almost reached the edge of her jaw. It quickly wiped the tear away and retreated from her soft skin.

"Do you not like me?"

"What?" He said sharply.

There was a second of nothing. Just tension and sadness that wafted heavily in the atmosphere of her living room. Then, that second ended and her face was held firmly by two rough hands, his palms warming her face. He was so close now, the tip of his nose only a few inches away from her own. Rowan could smell the fresh scent of his clothes and the cologne that lingered on his neck. Her eyes shut as she leaned into his hand, another hot tear falling.

"Stop that," Levi commanded. 

"I don't regret anything," he continued, his face dipping low. "Not with you. Not at all."

"Really?" Rowan whispered, trying to gain control of herself. A small part of her felt foolish for crying.

"Really," he grunted.

"Then why'd-"

"I panicked," he said, one of his hands moving through her thick hair. "I've never felt like...that. I started to think of bad things."

"Bad things?" Rowan echoed.

"Rowan, you're so young," he said, his voice dropping and his hands falling from her head. "And erm, good. I'm not right for you."

"I don't care," Rowan shook her head, her hair falling close to her temples. "You're wrong."

"Rowan," Levi warned, his voice bordered on dangerous. "Listen."

"No, you listen!" she cried, the volume of her voice immediately making his eyes flash. "I've never felt this way for anyone and trust me, you're not the only man to walk into my life. I don't care that you're busy all the time. I don't care that you have secrets. I don't care that you're older than me. I don't care that you're difficult to understand and kind of mean, but so nice all at once."

Frustrated tears fell down her face. Levi watched each one fall, his expression as still as a statue. Rowan thought of the men who had come and gone. She thought of Erik, who still loved her. She thought of how none of them had ever made her feel an emotion so strong it ignited flames inside her heart. She thought of how he was ready to kill that drunk man outside of the bar for trying to rape her. How he'd danced with her that night at the Leavitt's house, despite being uncomfortable and unsure. She thought of how he'd saved her and brought her to the safety of the infirmary when she'd fallen off that horse. How he'd been by her side while she was unconscious. Rowan thought of his little smirks, blunt remarks, and his considerate gestures towards her. Her eyes traveled over his strangely attractive face and the pure white fabric of his shirt. The emotion in her chest was so strong that she nearly forgot how to breathe. There were flames inside of her. Flames that urged her to hold him. Kiss him. It was all too much, but she continued anyway.

"I don't care that you're a neat freak. I don't care that you function differently from other people. I don't care!" Rowan's green eyes seemed so bright and unwavering. "I just want to try. I care about you far too much to just let go. Please don't try to scare me away."

Rowan swallowed thickly. "Please."

It was as silent as a winters night. The pair were a few feet apart, each staring into the eyes of the other. Rowans pretty green eyes surrounded by red from crying so much. Levi's steely eyes that were as sharp and intimidating as jagged icicles. The silence was almost enough to bring on another fresh pour of tears down Rowan's face, but she held on. She didn't look away. She didn't bow her head. She refused to. At this moment, she was as serious as could be. She wanted him to know too. Suddenly, a short bark cut through the silence. The sound was odd and light and sounded sort of like...laughter? Rowan blinked, confused, and intrigued by the splendid sound that had left his mouth. Moving closer, Levi reached for Rowan's head, his hands pulling her into a warm embrace. She blinked back tears and placed her hands on his back, holding on tightly, as if she was scared he was going to run away at any minute. 

"I've never seen you so fierce," he murmured into her hair. "It was...beautiful."

"You think I'm beautiful?" Rowan choked out.

"Yes," Levi awkwardly cleared his throat.

"I think you're beautiful too," Rowan giggled, wiping away the wetness on her face.

She tried to pull away to look at his face, but he quickly held her in place. One of his hands urged the back of her head into the crook of his neck. She complied, though she wondered what he didn't want her to see. She supposed it didn't matter as she sighed contentedly. Her fingers grasped at the collar of his dress shirt.

"Yeah, well that wasn't hard to figure out considering you stare at me all the fucking time," he grunted.

"Shut up," Rowan laughed.

They held each other tightly for another minute or so. Their hearts beating against one another. Their bodies warming each other in the cold house. It was nearly peaceful, but anxiety crept up her spine.

"Levi," Rowan said, pulling herself away to stare into his eyes.

"Hm?"

"Does this mean you'll try?" She pondered, her voice shaking.

"Rowan," he sighed as his hand crept up her arms to hold her in place. "I'm not going to mislead you. It can't go anywhere. My life is far different than yours. I have oaths. Responsibilities. I have no idea what the future brings and I can't promise you anything."

A thickness settled in her throat as her eyes drooped.

"But," one of his hands grasped her chin, tilting her face upwards. Forcing her eyes to meet his. Pale green on blue-grey. "If you still want me, despite knowing all that and...acknowledging some of the shit you mentioned earlier, I can try."

"Really?" Rowan's voice was hardly audible.

"Yes."

A slow smile crept onto her mouth and she launched herself upwards, a laugh echoing through the room. Levi thought it was one of the sweetest sounds he'd ever heard. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pressed her pale pink lips to his. All of the emotions she'd felt before lingered in the kiss. All the pain, the warmth, the happiness, the hope. It crashed into Levi so strongly that it nearly brought him to his knees. It nearly brought tears to his own eyes, but he quickly recovered and tried to meet her kiss as fervently. He wasn't used to _this._ The emotion and warmth that she radiated like the sun, but he welcomed it all the same. He couldn't remember ever feeling something this strongly. He'd felt something for Petra, but _this,_ it was stronger. So much stronger. With a heart that raced as quickly as a hare, he wrapped his hands in her pretty hair. He touched her face. Her neck. His hands slid down the soft fabric of her robe to meet her waist and press her closer. The kiss had started as something innocent and dazzling, but it was morphing into something hotter and hungrier. His hands pulled her closer and fisted the fabric of her robe, her breasts pressing to his chest. A low groan rumbled in his throat as their lips danced. One of her hands caressed his cheek, the other tugged at the hair at the nape of his neck. The action sent shivers down his spine, elicitating another sound from deep in his throat. Rowan reveled in the sounds he was making and found herself pressing her small hands into his chest, her mouth never leaving his as she pushed towards the small sofa behind them. The back of his knees met the edge of the sofa and she pushed on his shoulders, silently urging him to sit down. He complied, his hands gripping so tightly to her small waist that she thought he might leave marks. Their lips separated as Rowan placed one of her knees on the edge of the sofa and kept her hands on his shoulders. She was taller than him in this position. He had to look up to maintain eye contact. Their chests were heaving as they stared at one another. Something dark and hungry was taking over Rowan, it was something foreign and odd, but she didn't try to stop it. It was welcomed.

Levi tried to paw at the back of her straightened leg to bring it up on the sofa, but she held her ground. His hand retreated back to her waist, trying to pull her in to straddle his lap, but she refused. A huff left his mouth as he seemed to glare up at her, his long eyelashes creating shadows on his face. Instead, Rowan slowly let her fingertips skim over the sharp points of his face, down his neck, on his collarbone, down his chest. He didn't make a sound or move a muscle as she unbuttoned his shirt. She did it so slowly that he nearly pushed her hands away and did it himself, but he held himself back as she finally reached the last few buttons. Her hands pushed the shirt off of his frame and the chilly air bit at the exposed skin of his arms and chest. Bending down, Rowan placed a gentle kiss on his cheek, then made her way down his neck, each kiss growing in pressure until she reached his collarbone. The blunt edges of her teeth nipped at the sensitive skin on his collarbone, earning her a sharp sound from the man she planned to torture. Bending her knees to the floor, she pressed more kisses on his chest, using her teeth every other instance. His hands were unsure where to go, so she snatched his wrist and guided his hand to her chest. He breathed in sharply, but Rowan ignored the sound and continued her administrations. It took him a second to warm up to the idea, considering he'd never really touched a woman before and was unsure of how to please her, but his fingers began to knead and pull at the mound covered by layers of pajamas. The knot at the waist of her robe was quickly untied and he pushed the garment off of her shoulders, mimicking what she'd done to his shirt earlier. The robe spilled to the floor in a series of wrinkles near her calves. She was left in her nightgown, the neckline low and the straps at her shoulders were thin. Much of her milk white skin was exposed to him now. His body stilled as he took in the sight. She had stopped as well, her eyes taking him in. Both of them stunned by the sight of the other. Though his face was still, there was a softness to his features and a hunger in his eyes. 

This time, when he tugged at her form, she allowed him to pull her up on his lap. Her nightgown gathered on her thighs and one of his hands settled on the smooth skin of her leg. Rowan felt hot and cold all at once. Her skin felt chilled where the cold air touched her, but burned at each spot he caressed her. Levi's eyes moved downwards and ever so slowly he leaned in close to the sensitive skin of her neck, pressing a rough kiss. Her eyes drifted shut as she focused the sensations that spread through her body. She knew they couldn't go all the way tonight, but she didn't want to stop. It would be so hard to stop.

One of her hands rested on his shoulder and the other slipped to the back of his head, just to have something to hang onto, and gripped at the silky hair there. He was copying what she'd done to him just minutes before. Though he didn't start soft, he began rough and kept it that way with each kiss or nibble to her skin. One particular spot beneath her ear felt deliciously tender after he captured the skin in his teeth, then pressed a kiss in the same spot to relieve some of the ache. A whimper echoed in her throat as she kept her eyes screwed shut. Grabbing her face, he pulled her in for a kiss, and she met his needs fiercely. Their lips moved and slipped against one another, Rowan's soft moans and Levi's harsh breathing mixing together to fill the quiet room. One of his hands pulled at her breast, his fingers pinching at the hardened peak covered by the fabric of her nightgown. A loud moan vibrated against his lips when he did so. Rowan pulled away suddenly and rested her forehead against his, trying to catch her breath. He closed his eyes and let her breathe for a minute.

"We need to stop," she breathed.

"Yeah," he agreed, though the hardness in his trousers begged to be relieved. 

Rowan kissed him again, pulling him close and grinding down against his lap. His breath hitched in his throat and he held her so tightly it was sure to leave bruises on her perfect skin. As their kiss deepened, she rocked her hips and pressed downwards against the erection concealed by his pants, whimpering as she did so. The sounds that left her lips sounded as heavenly as one of those weird choirs you see in churches and her body felt so good against his, but he knew this needed to stop before they went too far. Mustering up all the self-control he could, he gripped her upper arms and gently pushed her away, instantly missing her lips and the pleasurable movements she'd just been working against his dick. Rowan's face turned a flushed shade of pink and she wiped stray hairs out of her face. A nervous laugh left her mouth.

"You're right," she said, nodding and climbed off of his lap. Her wrist caught in his hand. "Sorry."

She bent to pick up her robe and he let her go. Watching hungrily, he tried to memorize the sight of her flushed skin and hardened nipples, as she covered herself with the soft robe. He picked up his shirt, which was now wrinkled, and buttoned it up to his neck, then he pushed himself off of the couch. He tried to straighten up his clothes, but it was pointless. 

"I have to go," he said bluntly.

"Yeah, that's probably best," she admitted as she walked with him to the door.

Opening the door, she watched as he stepped through and made it to the first step of her porch, his hands buried in the pockets of his pants.

"Hey Levi," she called, her heart beginning to slow in her chest.

He turned slowly and met her eyes.

"I'm really happy," she said sweetly, an angelic smile on her face.

He breathed in sharply at the sight of her smile, his body as still as a statue and his heart racing. He said nothing, but gave the slightest nod, and watched as she disappeared behind the door and locked it behind her. He didn't move from the spot until he saw the light in her window go out, then he trudged back up the street and disappeared into the night, his body still surging with heat from what had occurred before. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Bit of a longer and spicier chapter this update;) It took me a good two hours to get this out, but I don't think it turned out too bad. What was your favorite moment from this chapter? Tell me your thoughts:) Y'all know the drill. Sorry for any mistakes, I don't have a proofreader and I hate proofreading, blah blah. Till next time!:D


	17. Peanut Butter Cookies

It was a particularly cold morning. And when it was cold, it meant more customers. More customers searching for a fresh treat or a hot cup of tea to warm their insides. Rowan had hardly a free minute to replace the near empty cookie tray within their display case. She had to make a few rounds through the tables to refill empty cups and take away any dirty dishes. Jon and his son had stopped by to enjoy a cookie and some hot chocolate, a rare treat. In the far corner of the room, Rowan could see Jon entertaining his son with a spare napkin, acting as if it was a feather and swiping it across his son's nose, tickling him. The one-year-old giggled and reached for the napkin, but Jon quickly pulled it away, only to reach it towards the baby's face again, earning more giggles. Isaac was one of the cutest babies she'd ever seen with his golden curls and eyes just like his mother's, Rowan smiled from where she watched and picked up a plate from a table whose inhabitants had just left. 

Racing to the back, Rowan dropped several dirty dishes in lukewarm, soapy water and wiped her hands on the apron she wore. Her father was working hard close by their oven, sweat ready to pour from his hairline, and hands protected by a thick pair of oven mitts. He was pulling a large tray of cookies from the oven and the smelled strongly of melted chocolate. He placed the cookies on the counter, allowing them to cool, then pushed another tray of cookies into the oven. She guessed they were probably peanut butter cookies, judging by the fact that they were a smaller batch and peanut butter was their least popular. 

"Give those cookies a few more minutes," he said, taking the mitts off of his hands. "The peanut butter batch should be done in ten minutes."

"Perfect," Rowan said with a smile.

"You look happy today, despite how busy it is," he mused, clearly wondering what had her smiling.

"Jon and Isaac are here today," she said gently, grabbing dishes from the drying rack near the sink. "Isaac looks a lot like Eliza."

"He does," he agreed. "Cute kid. I'll have to go say hi after I get the peanut butter batch out."

Rowan nodded in agreement and left to quickly go put away the dishes, which only took her a few seconds. She'd done this all so many times it was like second nature, at this point. Heading towards the back, Rowan reached for the cookie tray her father had left on the counter and went to stuff it in their display case and replace the old one. The smell of the fresh chocolate chip cookies seemed to fill the whole room and she saw a few heads turn in her direction. These cookies would be gone in a few minutes, no doubt. It was a good thing her father had set aside a lot of batter. A few people rushed to the counter and held their coins out to the short girl, her face stretched into a polite smile as she carefully snatched up several cookies and handed them out in paper bags. Ten cookies soon disappeared. Rowan kept busy by asking a few tables if they'd like any more refreshments, to which most people declined, and picked up more dishes. A few people got up and left, satisfied smiles on their faces as they adjusted their clothes for the icy wind outside, the bell chiming as they stepped through the door. Only a few customers remained. Jon and Isaac were part of the remaining bunch.

Rowan heard her father opening their display case and turned to see him shoving the fresh tray of peanut butter cookies inside. The smell of melted chocolate soon mixed with the hearty peanut butter. Her dad stood there for a second, probably enjoying a moment away from the oven, and looked around the room. Two more customers left. Now it was only Jon and his son. Jon, noticed her dad looking around, and lifted his hand to wave. Her father's face lit up as he waved back and padded over to the table, reaching in for a hug. Rowan grabbed a moist cloth and began wiping off tables, listening to the conversation happening just a few feet away. They soon began to converse about Jon's job, then his son, and how his first word was 'mama.' That tidbit of information nearly brought tears to Rowan's eyes. She finished wiping off the tables and threw the cloth as hard as she could across the room. It landed on the front counter and Rowan made a short sound of triumph, which earned her an odd look from her father. Jon turned his head and waved for her to come over, which she complied with. Wiping her wet hands off on her apron, she leaned in to hug Jon and then gently caress Isaac's face, earning a soft sound from the baby as he reached for her fingers. There was no way she'd get away now, but she let him grasp her fingers anyways. It warmed her heart as she looked down at the baby, making funny faces and earning excited laughter from the child.

"I think he misses you," Jon stated, his thumbs stuck in the belt loops of his trousers.

"Well, I miss him too," Rowan bent low to the baby and kissed his forehead.

"What's new with you?" Jon asked, the curiosity clear in his voice.

"Oh, you know. Not much," she shrugged her shoulders and laughed.

"That's not true," her father said suddenly, clapping a hand against her back. "Tell him about the captain."

"Dad," Rowan warned with a roll of her eyes.

"The captain?" Jon echoed, his voice growing with intrigue.

"Captain Levi, he's, um..."

Rowan paused, a blush forming on her cheeks as she thought of Levi. The man she'd kissed the life out of only a few days ago. The man she'd fallen hopelessly for. The man who took up nearly all of her thoughts when she was alone. How could she explain what her relationship was with him to Jon? It wasn't a set relationship, but it wasn't just _nothing. _It was more than just some fling. At least that's what she thought. She briefly wondered if Levi had told anyone about their relationship. Most likely Erwin. Hange also probably knew and if she didn't then she definitely would soon. That woman seemed to have a way of finding out their secrets. Rowan briefly wondered just _how much_ the lady knew. Suppressing a shudder, Rowan straightened her shoulders and smiled nervously.

"He's my close friend," Rowan finally finished.

"_Captain Levi? Of the Survey Corps?"_ Jon squeaked.

"Yes," Rowan laughed.

"No way," Jon remarks, his eyes shifting to her father's, who nodded to confirm the story. "How did you meet?"

"Well, um, the first time I saw him was when I was seventeen," Rowan explained, already picking at her nails. "But I didn't truly get to speak to him till about a month ago. He came in for tea, I tried talking to him, and he just kept coming back. He attended the Leavitt's party with me."

"Hallie and I got to meet him at the smile," her dad said matter-of-fact, crossing his arms over his chest with a wide smile.

Rowan was reminded of the night they'd gone to the party. She remembered how she'd gotten separated from Levi during the party and how her parents had swooped in as fast as they could to speak to him. 

"That is insane," Jon said, he almost sounded as if he was still in disbelief. He must've been a fan. "What's he like?"

"He's very..." Rowan had to think of what was safe to share for a moment, "neat. He's a bit of a clean freak. He's doesn't talk very much and his humor is a little odd, but he's a good listener and he's very considerate."

"Wow," Jon said, his eyes wide. "You're a lucky girl."

"Yes-"

"Well, I think that the captain is the lucky one," her dad interrupted, grabbing his daughter's shoulder and smiling warmly.

Rowan only smiled abashedly in return, her cheeks still warm.

"Well, I better get back to work," her dad said, sighing. "It was good to see you, Jon. Bye, baby Isaac."

"Nice to see you, Alwin. Tell Hallie I said hi," Jon murmured as he held out his hand. "You too, Rowan."

He quickly shook Jon's hand and waved at the baby, who regarded him with wide hazel eyes. Rowan quickly hugged Jon and kissed the baby goodbye, then got back to work. She heard the bell chime behind her and knew that Jon had left. The bakery was empty now. There wasn't much else she could do now. She'd already wiped off tables, put away dry dishes, and washed the dirty ones. Her shift was nearly over by now. Rowan guessed she had roughly thirty minutes left. It had to be close to dinner time and the bakery closed at five. Placing her hands on the counter, she leaned towards it and stared out the windows. The wind looked so strong that it made the street signs hanging from businesses flap back and forth. It wasn't windy very often, but when it was, boy, was it windy. Rowan sighed and wished she had brought a warmer coat. Her dad appeared from the back and looked around at the empty tables.

"You can go, Rowan," he insisted, grabbing the moist cloth from the counter. "You already did all you needed to do."

"No, it's okay. I don't have anything going on tonight," she insisted, reaching for a peanut butter cookie from the display case.

"You can take those home if you want," he offered. "Just don't take them out before closing. We might have a late customer."

"Right."

Rowan looked out the window again and noticed how the streets had become less crowded, she doubted anyone else would come in tonight. Looking around, she tried to think of what tasks she could take on for the night. Tables were done, dishes were put away, but she hadn't swept the floor, so she quickly grabbed a broom and got to work. The floor didn't seem too dirty tonight, despite the surge of customers they'd had earlier. Working her way around the tables, she swept around and under each one, and briefly wondered if Levi would approve of her cleaning skills. He'd already dissed on her house, but he hadn't seen her clean the bakery, and she knew it was far more spotless than her own home. Certain health regulations and all. A small pile of dirt, crumbs, and dust rested close to her feet and she quickly swiped it into the dustpan. Behind her, she could hear the clicking of their register, and she knew that sound meant that her father was collecting the till. It was a task he always saved for himself, but if he was gone, then it fell upon Rowan to count and put away the till. It wasn't her favorite task, but it was like second nature now. She'd learned how to do it when she was twelve. That was many years of practice. 

Rowan put the broom and its dustpan back where it belonged and went to lock the front door. They hadn't had a late customer, just as she expected, and it was nearly time to close up. She knew her father was dying to get home and away from the hot oven, his cheeks were bright red from the heat. The wind outside would cool him down in no time. She leaned across the counter from her father and waited for him to finish counting the coins and bills within his hands. He did it silently, his eyes moved quickly, and every once in awhile his lips would form the number he was on, but he never said it out loud. Rowan rested her chin upon her hand and stared at the display case, thinking of nothing in particular. A few minutes passed by.

"You should invite him over for dinner," her dad said suddenly, bringing her out of her mind.

"Huh?"

"Levi. Invite him over for dinner with us," he repeated. "Your mom and I would like to get to know him a bit better."

"Oh," Rowan muttered dumbly. "I can bring it up. What if he's busy?"

"We'll make it work," her dad croaked. "I want to know the human behind all the talent, popularity, and strength."

"Okay, dad," she said with a small smile and roll of her eyes.

"The till is done," he announced, wrapping the bills up tightly. "Let's head home. Don't forget to grab those cookies."

Rowan nodded, watched her dad disappear into the back, then she opened the display case. Stuffing all the cookies in a paper bag, she gently closed it and rolled the edge of the bag to conceal the cookies and maintain their freshness. When her dad returned, he had her coat in his hand and she took it gratefully. She'd nearly forgotten to take off her apron, but quickly untied it and shoved it up on the rack. They left through the back and her father locked the door behind her. They bid each other farewell and went their separate ways home. Rowan held the bag of cookies firmly in her left hand, the other hand shoved her hair away from her face. The wind was whipping her hair in every direction and she swore that she was nearly ready to cut all of it off each time a strand flew in her mouth or eye. She'd never cut it, of course, but with weather like this, she was definitely tempted. The walk home only took about ten minutes. She had been walking quickly, desperate to be out of the cold. Her fingers were nearly numb and she struggled to unlock her door. After a minute of fumbling with her key, her attempt to unlock her door was finally successful and she stumbled through. Her house wasn't entirely warm, but it was much better than outside. She decided that fire was a must. So, she got to work arranging the wood and finding her box of matches, then the flames soon engulfed her fireplace. The flames soon unthawed her stiff fingers and she sighed in relief. She decided she'd sleep on her old sofa tonight, just to be close to the fire. In a matter of minutes, she was dressed in her nightclothes and settling into the cushions of her dingy sofa. The bag of cookies was close by on the floor and she reached for it, snatching up a peanut butter cookie and stuffing it in her mouth The warm caress of the flames and the gooey peanut butter in her mouth was a heavenly combination. Nearly as heavenly as kissing Levi's mouth.

_Nah, _she thought after a moment. _Not even close._

Finishing off the cookie, she set the bag on the ground and wiped at her mouth. The paintings from Eliza on her wall seemed to glow from the golden orange the flames cast in her small living room. It wasn't even that late, but Rowan felt so tired and so alive all at once. Her body seemed heavy, but her mind was thrumming with the thought of the man with piercing eyes and inky hair. She was a little excited to invite him to dinner, but also a little nervous. Would he want to be around her parents? She had no idea what they'd said to him that night at the party before she'd butted in. Whatever it was, she'd hoped it wasn't something that'd embarrass her or him. It's like not her parents were terrible to be around. She was lucky in that way, her parents were pretty great. A little overbearing sometimes, but they were good in nearly every aspect. She shoved those thoughts away, for now, she'd have time to think about it tomorrow. She really tried not to, but her mind was soon filled with the memory of what had happened three nights ago. Rowan had been trying not to think about it, not because the memory was unpleasant, but because she'd get too worked up about it. After he'd left that night, she'd been so wet and warm between her legs that she'd had to touch herself to the thought of him. The feeling of his skin, the caress of his lips, the hardness in his trousers all resided in her mind. If she closed her eyes, she could still feel his hands. Ghost-like touches that smoothed over her thighs, neck, and breasts. It was almost too much. She tried to think of something else, but it was futile. So, she thought of everything and felt her skin grow hot to the touch. She fell asleep thinking of the oddly endearing sound of his laughter and the softness in his eyes he had whenever he looked at her. Her mouth still tasted of smooth peanut butter as she drifted away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry, no Levi in this chapter today. I wanted to give Rowan some moments with some of the other characters that don't appear as often. I also recently realized after going back to an old chapter to search for a certain detail that I never gave Rowan's parents any names, so I thought I'd slyly work them into this chapter;) Another thing I noticed was that my writing has seriously improved just from the first few chapters. I'm so much more comfortable with my writing (there's still a bit of anxiety about everything, but that's expected). I really think it's due to you all. You guys are so nice and supportive. So thank you:) Truly. I don't think I've had one negative comment and that is amazing. It's also crazy to me that I almost have 3000 hits. I've tried writing a few other stories before (not for AoT), but I never made it very far due to my anxiety and I ended up deleting them. So this story may not be finished yet, but this is definitely still a great feat in my book. Let me know what you think! See you all next update:)


	18. A Surprise at Dinner

A few sugar cubes were dropped into her teacup, each one caused a tiny splash and nearly sent a drop over the rim of the cup. Just across from Rowan, was Levi, expression dull and his back straight as he lifted his cup, holding it in the odd way he did. It had been nearly a week since she'd last seen him. The last time had been when he briefly stopped by her house to drop off the platter she'd left behind at mess hall the night of the party. Even then, he'd acted strange, his body stiff and the words he exchanged were even fewer than usual as he handed her the dish. He practically disappeared as quickly as he'd come, but Rowan tried not to think too much about it. He was here at her home now, spending time with her, even if it was only for a little while. They sat in silence, each sipping at the hot liquid within their teacups. The table bit into her elbows as she leaned against it.

The silence would've been pleasant if one thought hadn't picked and prodded at her brain. She was supposed to figure out when Levi was available for dinner and proceed to make plans to spend an evening with his parents. The thought had her setting her teacup gently against the table, clasping her hands together and propping her chin atop of them, her eyes boring a hole into the grey fabric of his button-up shirt. Rowan was trying to think of a way to bring it up when she heard the _clink_ of a teacup being set on the table. Her eyes quickly rose to meet Levi's.

"Is there something on my shirt?" He asked, his voice the epitome of boredom.

"No, I, uh..." she sighed, running a hand through her hair. She took a deep breath. "It's just...are you busy at all the next few days?"

His eyes narrowed, then he looked away and shrugged. "Why?"

"My parents want you to come over for dinner," Rowan muttered quickly, her nerves twisted her insides.

"Dinner?" He repeated, his eyes widening the slightest bit. "Did you tell them we're, uh...that we're...?"

"No," Rowan replied, quickly understanding what he was trying to ask, though she realized she had no idea what to call their relationship either. "They still think we're just friends."

"Oh okay," he said, abruptly clearing his throat.

"Would you-" Rowan started, her eyes narrowed as she paused for a moment. Swallowing, she softened her expression and continued, "would you be upset if I had told them about us?"

"No," his response was quick. "Why would I."

Rowan sighed and took a sip of her tea, then smiled. "I'm pretty sure they suspect us, though."

Levi scowled. "Hange hasn't shut the fuck up about you and...us."

_Shit_, Rowan thought, suddenly remembering how she'd told both Erwin and Hange about how she'd kissed Levi.

"Yeah," Rowan laughed nervously. "I-I might have let something slip the night of the party."

"To Hange?"

"Yes," Rowan squeaked, wincing. "And Erwin."

"Erwin's too smart. He probably knew since the first time he heard about you," Levi said, sounding slightly bitter and somewhat appreciative at the same time.

Memories flickered behind her eyes after Levi had spoken. She thought of how they'd danced at the party. Erwin's charm and sly flirtation. The questions he'd asked her. How intoxicating the man was and how odd he made her feel. How she wasn't sure if he made her feel odd in a good way or a bad way. A shudder tried to run through her body, but she willed it away.

"Is Erwin always so...?" Rowan struggled to think of the right word.

Narrowed eyes dragged over her face, watching every twitch in her expression and how she bit at her bottom lip.

"Is something wrong?"

"No," Rowan said quickly, shaking her head. "Erwin just makes me nervous."

"It seems like everyone makes you nervous," he scoffed, sipping his tea.

"Shut up," Rowan said with a slight roll of her eyes. "Don't people make you nervous?"

"It depends," he said with a shrug. "Maybe one."

"Who?" The question was barely above a whisper.

"You," he announced.

His voice hadn't changed and neither had his expression, but that single word was enough to cause a reaction within her body. Rowan felt a warmth spread in her cheeks as she met his eyes. Her heart rate picked up a bit as he stared at her, unblinking. He hadn't answered her with the intent of being romantic. It was just the truth to him. She knew that and it excited her all the same. A shy smile spread across her face. Levi thought she looked inhuman with how beautiful she was in that moment, but he didn't say a word as she leaned forward on the table, her lips hovering close to his.

"You make me nervous too," she said sweetly.

"Like that was hard to figure out," Levi sighed, his eyes lingering on her mouth.

"Shut up," Rowan mumbled and playfully smacked his arm.

Then, without wasting another moment, he grabbed hold of her chin and pulled her in. Their lips crashed together and a sound of pleasant surprise left Rowan's mouth. Levi held her chin in his grasp, not allowing her to pull away for several seconds as their lips moved so sweetly against one another. After a few moments, she pulled away and maneuvered her way around the table. She placed herself in his lap and ran her hands through his hair, the action made him close his eyes and inhale through his nose. Their lips met once more and Rowan tugged at the hair on the back of his neck. His hands rose to tangle themselves within her hair and she leaned closer to his strong form. Dragging her hands down his chest, she could feel the hardened muscles hidden by his shirt and longed to relieve him of the garment. His body looked and felt beautiful. It was a feeling and a sight that mesmerized her. The tips of her fingers fisted the grey fabric of his shirt. A quiet moan slipped past her lips as he tugged at the hair low on the back of her neck. His fingers slid down her neck, the touch sent a shock down her spine and she felt warmth pool in her lower stomach, as his fingers dug into the soft flesh of her waist. Rowan abruptly pulled away, her plush lips quickly finding the sensitive spot beneath his ear, and bit down on the smooth skin there. Levi hissed, one of his hands scooped the back of her thigh and adjusted her position on his lap. Now, her legs were dangling on either side of him, the skirt of her dress had pulled up dangerously on her thighs and her core was pressed against his hard on. The layers of clothes between them made her want to scream in frustration. A gasp shuddered through her and her face reddened as she looked at him through heavy lashes. He tried to lean forward and capture her lips, but she leaned back and pressed her hands against his chest. She knew if they kept going it would be harder to stop. Every part of her was begging for more, but she knew better. Levi paused and nodded slightly, acknowledging and respecting her wishes, he took a deep breath and his hold on her loosened. Suddenly, he leaned forward and pressed his head against her chest. His forehead rested on her collarbone and she could feel his cool breath brush against her skin. His arms loosely wrapped themselves around her middle. She could feel the way his hands trembled slightly at the small of her back. It didn't seem like it was hard to rile him up. A secret smile spread across her face as she slowly dragged her nails up the back of his head.

"So, about dinner..." Rowan started. That same smile was still dormant on her face.

...

Exactly two days later, Rowan was staring at her reflection in her small bathroom. She'd been getting ready to have dinner at her parent's house and her hands trembled as she rubbed some scented oil onto the sides of her neck. She felt like she had become nothing but a bundle of anxiety. An explosive waiting to detonate. It baffled her that she was this nervous. Levi had met her parents once before, though the introduction had been brief. Part of her worried her parents might embarrass her as if they were planning to spill all her secrets, but she tried to will the thoughts away. 

"I can handle this," she muttered to herself. "_Quit freaking out_."

She still had ten minutes before Levi was due to show up. So with the spare minutes, she had she readjusted her outfit, looked over her reflection for the twentieth time, and tread out of the room to check on the platter she'd prepared for dinner. Surprisingly, it wasn't a dessert, but rather a side dish. After a quick talk with her parents, they'd decided who would make what. Rowan, the side dish. Alwin, the dessert. Hallie, the main course. Rowan had eventually decided to make something simple, but delicious. A small platter of roasted potatoes drenched in seasoning, butter, and oil. Potatoes were one of the few things that seemed to be available in abundance. The smell was heavenly enough to start a small rumble in her stomach and she quickly turned away from the carefully covered platter. She had placed a thick white cloth over the top of the dish to try and preserve its heat. At this point, she guessed she had barely a few minutes before he'd appear at her door, so she leaned against her counter in wait and picked absentmindedly at her nails. He'd probably show up a bit early. He definitely seemed like the type. Sure enough, hardly two minutes later, a loud knock echoed from her front door and she raced to open it. A nervous smile broke out on her mouth as she swung open her door. Her eyes quickly met the familiar blue-grey eyes of the man she'd been waiting for. He was dressed nicely in that plain black and white outfit she'd seen him wear a few times. With a start, she realized that their outfits were color-coordinated. She'd dressed in a white blouse and tight fitted dark pants. Her nice pair of short heeled boots covered her feet. The smile on her lips grew.

"Ready?" He asked after clearing his throat.

Rowan could tell he was a little more nervous by the way his hands were shoved in his front pockets and how his eyes were narrowed the tiniest bit. She nodded and told him she just needed to grab the side dish and her coat. A minute later, they were walking down the block to her parent's house. They mostly walked in silence and occasionally Rowan would glance to her left just to look at his face. Stoic, as usual, but she'd paid enough attention to his body language to notice that he was walking stiffly. With less ease and lethal grace than normal. She gently nudged his arm and grinned sweetly as he peered at her out of the corner of his eye.

"What?" He snapped.

"You don't need to be nervous," she assured. "If anything, I'm the one who should be nervous."

_And I am_, she thought.

"My parents like to embarrass me sometimes," she explained, her eyes rolling slightly. "Mostly my dad."

"Hm," was all he said. Though she did see his posture loosen.

She let it drop then. Her fingers tightened around the dish in her hands and she enjoyed the warmth that spread into her hands. It was cold tonight. She pressed her body closer to his and ignored the short look he sent her. Sighing, he leaned in as well and let her borrow some of his warmth. Rowan knew her parent's house was only three houses away at this point and she slowed her pace. She wanted to let this last just a little bit longer. The plain wooden walls and faded roof of her parents came into view and she sighed as she pulled herself away from Levi to open the door. Usually, they kept the door locked, but her dad knew they were due to appear soon. The smell of dinner immediately wafted towards them as they stepped inside and took off their coats and placed them on the homemade coat rack nailed on the wall. Rowan looked around and noticed that her parents weren't in the living room, but she could hear voices from the kitchen, so she grabbed hold of Levi's hand and led him to the kitchen. They must've not heard the door open. Sure enough, her parents were talking to one another in the kitchen. Her mother was attending to her main dish and her father was setting up their dinner table with their nicest table cloth. 

"Hey mom," Rowan spoke up. "Dad."

Hallie quickly turned and smiled, opening her arms welcomingly. Rowan stepped inside, catching a whiff of her mother's usual shampoo, and stepping back so she could greet Levi. Hallie grinned warmly at Levi, who tried to get away with only nodding his head in acknowledgment, but Hallie quickly dragged him into a hug. Rowan had to cover her mouth to keep from giggling at the disgruntled expression he wore as he awkwardly pat her back. Just as soon as Hallie released him, Alwin stood close by and clapped him on the back. Levi peered up at the blond man with a mouth that didn't dare move from its straight line. He swallowed thickly and nodded, muttering a greeting.

"I'm so glad Rowan convinced you to join us for dinner," Hallie admitted, wiping her hands with a rag.

"Yeah," Levi grunted. He swiped a hand under his nose then waved his hand towards the dinner table. Alwin had finished placing the silverware and dishes neatly against the table. "It smells great."

"Thank you," Hallie said, outstretching her arm towards the table. "Go ahead and sit right down. We're just waiting on one last person. He's in the bathroom."

Rowan's nose twitched as she sharply looked at her mother as they pulled out their chairs to sit. One last person? Who else had her parents invited and why the hell didn't they tell her? Levi observed the anxious look on Rowan's face as he pulled his chair closer into the table. A splatter of footsteps sounded from the hall and Rowan clasped her hands together in her lap to keep from picking at her nails. The steps got closer and closer to the kitchen until they stopped and turned into a tall figure with a wave of light brown hair. Rowan felt her stomach drop as those hazel eyes she'd known for most of her life glanced at the pair sitting at the table. Hallie and Alwin sat down and pulled in their chairs, oblivious of Rowan's discomfort. Levi merely looked back and forth between the two and placed his chin in the palm of his hand as he leaned his elbow against the table.

"Hey Ro," Erik finally said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry, this chapter took me a little while to upload. I'm in the process of starting a new job. Anyways, what did you guys think? I felt like that one meme where Elmo has his arms outstretched and there's a bunch of flames behind him while I wrote the ending of this chapter. The next update or two is going to be a bumpy ride, so buckle in. Lately, I've been struggling with determining how I want to end this story and what steps I want to take to get there. I don't think I want this to be any longer than 40 chapters. I definitely don't want it to become one of those fics that drag on and on because it doesn't really have a solid plot. My story has always been more romance orientated, rather than plot and detail orientated. One day I think I'd like to take on a story like that, but for now, I guess I'm fine with this. Y'all already know this, but I hate proofreading, so I apologize for any mistakes. Till next time!:)


	19. A Conversation at Dinner

The next few minutes crept by awfully slow as Alwin disappeared to dig out some cups, realizing that he had forgotten them. Rowan pushed at the contents on her plate with her fork, her eyes drifting upwards to look at Erik every minute or so. It wasn't that the food didn't look appetizing, it looked and smelled great, but she felt uneasy with the tall man sitting across the table from her. Erik was ignoring her, engaged in a conversation with her father as he returned with the cups. Alwin didn't seem to notice the tense air about the room, but her mother certainly noticed the way Rowan picked at her food. Her mother quickly sent a look that looked like a mix of a scold and a question. Rowan quickly stuffed a forkful in her mouth, chewing slowly.

It turned out that Erik had borrowed some tools from her father earlier in the day to fix a cabinet of his and had shown up just minutes before to return them, which earned him an invitation to dinner. Occasionally, Erik would look up at Levi, who ignored every single glance and kept eating the food on his plate. He looked so unbothered and calm as he stabbed a piece of his potato with his fork. The complete opposite of Rowan. She supposed part of this was all her fault, the tension in the room, and the few words that were exchanged between the three of them. Erik probably still thought he had a chance. She had done nothing to show him otherwise and perhaps it was about time she did. Shaking herself free of the anxiety, she relaxed her posture and leaned against the edge of the table, finally allowing herself to enjoy her dinner. The potatoes she'd brought were good and paired well with the modge-podge casserole her mother had made. When she glanced to the side, all she could see was the cool edge of Levi's profile. His body for the most part was relaxed and his face was unreadable, but she didn't miss the way his fingers gripped his fork. The skin there was turning white from the pressure. Rowan placed a gentle hand on his knee beneath the table, the touch was meant to be reassuring, but he flinched at the contact and Rowan felt an odd rush of concern run through her. He quickly recovered and turned his head, his eyes meeting hers for a tiny second before he resumed eating his dinner. She removed her hand and decided to just scoot her body closer to him instead. Erik noticed but said nothing.

"So how is it?" Hallie asked suddenly, breaking the awkward silence. Her eyes flashed towards Rowan and Levi. "You two are awfully quiet."

"It's good, mom," Rowan replied with a reassuring smile. She stuffed her mouth with another forkful of food for good measure.

"Yeah," Levi said, clearing his throat. "Thanks."

"I'm glad," Hallie sighed, wiping a stray brown lock out of her face. "I just threw it together."

"Don't worry, honey," Alwin said affectionately. "Your cooking is always fantastic."

At that, Hallie rolled her eyes and sipped at her cup of water, though her smile wasn't completely concealed. Rowan sipped out of her own cup and felt a pair of eyes staring directly at her. She met Erik's gaze and neither of them looked away for several seconds, but Erik quickly turned his head towards her mother.

"Speaking of cooking," he started loudly. "Hallie, do you remember that one time Eliza and I came over to ask for your help in making a cake for Rowan's eighteenth birthday?"

"Yes, of course," Hallie recalled happily. "You two left my kitchen such a mess!"

"We did," Erik said. The way his eyes lit up nearly reminded Rowan of Eliza. "We also made about three times too much batter."

Rowan couldn't help but smile at the sudden trip down memory lane and she laughed into her hand, remembering how they'd prepared a cute ceremony for her eighteenth birthday and presented her with their homemade presents and a cake as large as a fat house cat. She could clearly remember the white and green frosting that read 'Happy birthday, we love you' in Eliza's messy scrawl. They'd also had far too much to drink that night and she couldn't really recall the last part of the night, except for bits and pieces. Perhaps that was for the best. Rowan didn't drink hardly ever, but when she did, she always went too far.

"Remember how Eliza had gotten so wasted that night she was bouncing off the walls and nearly broke my mom's favorite vase?" Rowan asked, the edges of her voice shaking with controlled laughter.

"Yes!" Erik guffawed, holding his belly. "Though I remember you were pretty drunk as well. I can perfectly recall how you ran outside for no reason and tried to hop your fence, only for your dress to get caught. Your dad had to go outside and help you get off!"

Rowan's face instantly reddened. "I did not."

"You did," Erik and Alwin said at the same time.

Then everyone burst into laughter.

Everyone except Levi, who was watching the way Rowan's face turned as red as a tomato and the tears that threatened to spill at her eyes as she clapped her hands together in laughter. He'd never made her laugh like that. Something dark twisted in his stomach as he looked at the people around him and he set down the fork he had in his hand. His appetite was gone. Their laughter finally started to die down and he felt Rowan's hand on his knee again. He didn't look at her this time, though he knew she was looking at him with a pleasant smile on her pretty face.

"Did you know about that?" Erik asked.

Levi's eyebrow twitched as he realized the question was directed towards him. "I didn't."

"Really?" Erik said, feigning surprise. "I'm surprised she hadn't mentioned it to you. Aren't you two pretty close now?"

The smile on Rowan's face quickly fell as she realized what Erik was doing. She sent him a warning look, but he ignored it. His eyes were solely on Levi. 

"I guess you could say that," Levi replied coolly, as he folded his arms across his chest and leaned back in his chair.

"Hm," Erik murmured. "How'd that happen by the way?"

Yeah, tell us," Hallie encouraged.

"Don't you and dad know?" Rowan suggested, her eyes wide.

Alwin shrugged and Rowan sighed, quickly looking over at Levi.

"The first time I saw him was when I was seventeen. At the bakery," Rowan started. "I didn't see him for a few years and then he came back. I guess that's when it truly started, though I suspect he didn't like me at first."

"How nice," Hallie commented with a kind smile.

"Yeah, what a coincidence," Alwin added in.

"Hey Ro," Erik called. "Did you ever tell Levi about how you met Eliza and me?"

"I-I can't remember," Rowan bit at her lip.

She could feel the muscles beneath her hand grow tense. Her fingers rubbed slow circles, another attempt at a soothing touch. Erik was acting strange again and it was all her fault. Her face felt flushed and her heart was beating erratically. She took a deep breath, her brows knitting together as she stared Erik down. It had been so nice before. Why did he feel the need to go and ruin it?

"Anyways," Erik said, taking a sip of his water. "Rowan used to get bullied for having a boy's name and for her height when she was younger."

His eyes dragged over Levi's stature. _Don't you dare say it, _Rowan thought. Her free hand clenched at the edge of her chair.

"Something I'm sure you've experienced before, Captain," he said, a cocksure smile on his freckled face.

Rowan didn't stop the hand that slapped against her forehead. She was thoroughly embarrassed at this moment. He was making a complete ass of himself. Sneaking a peek at Levi through her hand, she could see the dangerous smirk that painted his face. If Erik kept going, he might just get his ass handed to him. She knew she'd have to step in soon.

"Eliza and I came to her aid. Told her it was okay to stand up for herself, but she's always been so nice," he continued, there was a fond light in his eyes as he stared down at the table. "Ever heard that saying that redheads are born feisty? It didn't take long for our encouragement to settle in and she became a bit more assertive."

"Yes," Rowan quickly interjected, her eyes bore a hole into Erik's. Her hand had moved to the middle of Levi's thigh. "You an Eliza were always so good to me, though she never felt the need to assert herself above the other people in my life by purposefully telling stories and making an ass of herself."

That made Erik's jaw snap shut. A sudden silence filled the room as she looked at her friend, an auburn brow of hers raised as if daring him to continue. The nerves in her stomach were as rampant as fluttering doves, but she didn't dare back down. She could feel everyone's eyes on her and she knew her face must be red, but she didn't care. Erik needed to quit being a jackass and if this was the way to do it, then so be it. Erik finally recovered from her verbal jab and lifted his cup to his mouth, his head bowed. 

"Any who," Alwin said loudly, clapping his hands together. "How about I break out some good ole' whiskey before dessert?"

"Not too much," Hallie warned, turning in her seat to give her husband a firm look. He merely waved his hand.

Taking a deep breath, Rowan leaned back in her chair and lifted her hand from Levi's thigh to adjust her hair, which had fallen in her face. Glancing at Erik one more time, she realized that he couldn't meet her eyes now. _Good, _she thought, _you should be ashamed. _When she looked over at Levi, she felt her heart flutter when she saw the strangely proud look he was giving her. There was something else in his eyes, something that looked hot and hungry, and she felt her breath hitch in her throat. God, she longed to kiss him and she knew he did too. He lifted his arm and stretched it against the back of her chair, his fingers catching the end of her hair. If she stayed far back in her seat, she could feel the heat that radiated off him and she didn't dare move. It felt intimate and comforting.

A few minutes later, Alwin returned with a short bottle of the whiskey he'd set out to find. Unsurprisingly, it was half full, and the rich liquid sloshed as he began to pour some of it into Levi's cup. When he reached Rowan's mother and Erik, they both declined and insisted the water was fine. She nearly declined herself when he reached her cup, but she decided against it and lifted it, though she reminded herself not to drink too much. There was no reason to make an ass of herself when someone else had already done it tonight. As she gulped at the whiskey, she ignored the burn in her throat and didn't notice the lingering look her friend was giving her. He quickly pushed up out of his seat and looked to her parents.

"Thanks for dinner, Mr. and Mrs. Roth," Erik said, his cheeks slightly red as he scratched at the back of his head. "I should probably head home."

"That's a good idea," Levi agreed, before taking a sip of the liquid in his cup.

Another pause of tense silence as they stared at one another. Levi was silently challenging Erik to say something more. He was asserting his dominance, she realized, and she nearly rolled her eyes at all the testosterone in the room. The whiskey in her cup was gone in a matter of seconds. Erik's eyes flashed and he looked away from the captain, his cheeks grew even redder. He said his goodbyes and looked to Rowan, his hazel eyes looked full of defeat. A sick feeling erupted in her chest as she watched him go and she recognized it as guilt. She should have told him how she truly felt before. There was no doubt that his heart had just been broken. The sound of the door slamming made her jump in her seat and she felt the hand at the back of her seat move to the back of her head. It started moving slowly against her scalp, achingly gentle. Rowan's head fell into her hands as her mother and father began to clear the table. A loud groan left her throat.

"He doesn't usually act that way," Rowan sighed.

"Yeah? What does he usually act like?" Levi scoffed. His hand freed itself of her hair and settled in his lap.

"Sweet, protective. Almost like an older brother," Rowan said slowly, her eyes quickly meeting his.

"I don't think he sees you as a younger sister," Levi responded in a quiet timbre. Though he spoke quietly, she could clearly hear the heavy sarcasm that dripped from each syllable.

She glared up at him through her fingers. "I know. I need to set things straight."

Then, she lifted her head and fixed her hair, brushing strands behind her ears. Her parents had finished clearing the table and settled back down into their seats, the legs of their chairs scraped against the wooden floor. Her father started to fill his cup full of whiskey once more and lifted his eyes, meeting his daughter's gaze as she held out her own cup. He ignored his wife's glare from beside him. Raising an eyebrow, he smiled and filled her cup near the brim. As she quickly set to inhaling it, Alwin raised the whiskey bottle towards Levi's cup and before he could stop him, Alwin began to fill his cup just as full as Rowan's.

"Thanks," Levi muttered dryly.

"Don't mention it," Alwin said with a wink as he set to drink from his cup. "I'm afraid this will have to be my last cup or my wife just might kill me."

Hallie scoffed and pushed at the man's arm, causing him to spill a few drops onto the table. Rowan rolled her eyes.

Levi smirked and lifted his own cup and sipped at the sweet and heavy liquid. He didn't drink often, but this seemed like the right occasion to allow a few cups, especially after Erik's asshattery. The whiskey tore at his throat but soothed the burn with the sweetness that lingered on his tongue. It reminded him of how Rowan tasted. Sweet and intoxicating. A shot of whiskey and heaven all at once. The liquid in his cup couldn't compare to her. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see her setting her cup down against the table and swiped a hand across the corner of her mouth. He turned in his seat slightly and let his eyes linger on the petal pink of her lips that called for him to kiss her. A flash of him picking her up and slamming her against the table played in his head. The tips of his fingers longed to grasp at her bare, smooth skin, but instead, his hand tightened around his cup. His mouth longed to settle in the crook of her shoulder and mark her skin, but instead, he brushed his lips against the rim of his cup. Maybe it was the whiskey causing him to think of all those sweet things. Or maybe he just really wanted her. His eyes quickly flicked away as he grabbed the whiskey bottle and poured more in his cup. If he kept it up, he might just get a little tipsy. He offered the bottle to Rowan, but she shook her head.

"You two can go ahead and finish off the bottle. I have a friend who owns a liquor store and he always gives me a decent discount as long as I have our special strudels delivered to his house every Friday," Alwin explained with a twinkle in his pale eyes.

"Alwin!" Hallie scolded.

"What? It's true!" Alwin cried with his eyes nearly bugging out of his head and hands held upwards.

"I can't believe you tonight," Hallie sighed as she dragged her hand across her forehead.

Levi thought that he could truly see the similarities between Rowan and her mother at that moment.

"Anyways, Levi, we haven't been able to learn much about you so far tonight," Hallie began, a warm smile on her face. "Tell us about yourself."

The man froze as he looked at the woman seated just across from him. He swallowed quickly and adjusted his collar, his face twitched with quiet panic. Rowan felt the tiniest bit of embarrassment for him, but more than anything, she found his reaction amusing. He quickly turned to her, his eyes flashing, and she gave him an encouraging smile.

"I like to clean," he said.

"Really?" Hallie asked. "What about it?"

"I don't like things that are dirty," he explained, swiping a hand across his face. "And cleaning is relaxing."

"I see," Hallie murmured. "What a productive habit. I wish I enjoyed cleaning. Our house is almost always a wreck, but we made it nice and tidy for dinner tonight."

"Thanks," Levi offered, looking around and nodding his head.

It was the most approval they would get, but Alwin and Hallie seemed pleased by the answer.

"What else?" Hallie pressed.

"Um...I like tea," he gulped. Rowan struggled to not laugh, Levi noticed, and she felt his fingers suddenly dig into her thigh. It only made it harder to not laugh.

"Ah," now it was Alwin who spoke. "That's what brought you to our shop, right?"

"Yes."

He quickly poured himself a fourth glass. This would be his last, he decided. He didn't want to stumble the whole way back to the compound. He'd always had a high tolerance, but four cups of hard liquor were pushing it. Rowan watched as he pressed the cup to his lips. There was a pink hue to certain parts of Levi's face. His ears and cheeks looked bright compared to the rest of his face and she suspected he was beginning to feel the hard liquor work its way through his bloodstream. The fingers that had grasped her thigh had started to lazily caress circles and send a warm thrill through her. Maybe it was the whiskey or maybe it was all because of him, but she felt as light as a feather.

Her parents began to ask a few more harmless questions which Levi answered readily. His voice had begun to sound thick and slow, like the drip of molasses. His eyelids had drooped a bit, but that alertness he carried with him everywhere was still present, though it was a bit more muted. She knew they'd have to leave soon and there was no way she'd let him walk back by himself. It was too far and too dark outside for her to feel comfortable with him being by himself and intoxicated, even if he was known to be humanity's strongest soldier. 

After a few more minutes of innocent conversation, her father got up from his seat and announced that he thought it was time for dessert. Rowan was relieved, the quicker they ate, the quicker they could leave. Her father had prepared a brown sugar streusel that smelled sweet and inviting as he brought his tray to the table for all to eat. Rowan hastily grabbed a piece for Levi and one for herself as well. She began to dig in with her fork and shoved a bite of the dessert into her mouth. Levi gave her an odd look and slowly pressed his fork into the pastry. Her parents followed soon after. There was a minute of comfortable silence as they all ate their dessert. Rowan was relieved her parents hadn't asked too many questions. She had been worried that they might've begun to dig into questions about his past and the thought made a nervous rush warm her skin. Thankfully, all of their proddings hadn't been entirely too personal. She shoved another bite of streusel in her mouth. But of course, her relief was short lived.

"So, Levi, what are your parents like?" Alwin asked.

He was only trying to keep the moments of silence from reaching long lengths, but the question instantly made Levi stiffen. His fingers clenched around his fork and he held it rigidly as he stared down at his plate. Rowan set her fork down and looked over, her green eyes wary and full of concern. Her dad watched the gesture with wide eyes and instantly realized his mistake. Hallie looked at every person at the table, assessing the situation, and quickly thought of something to smooth it all over.

"It's okay," Hallie insisted with a voice as soft as cashmere. "Pardon Alwin. We didn't know it was a sensitive subject."

Levi was still for a moment, but eventually nodded and continued to eat the rest of his dessert. It only had a bite or two left. Rowan studied his face, searching for any sign of discomfort, but he was passive and nearly unreadable. With a quiet sigh, she set to finishing her own dessert. It would probably be best if they left soon. It was late anyway. More silence pursued. Then, the sound of a fork being set against the table made everyone raise their eyes.

"My mother was very kind and gentle," he started, his voice pensive. "She used to sing to me every night to help me fall asleep. She always wore her hair down and long, but she taught me how to cut my own. She always kept our...home clean."

There was a somber pause.

"She died of sickness when I was much younger."

Rowan's eyes widened when he looked over at her. The blue in his eyes seemed more intense than normal and nearly took her breath away. His confession had been completely unexpected. She knew he was incredibly reserved and it was a rare thing for him to be vulnerable, but he had just told her parents something that he normally wouldn't have. It was unexpected but also utterly appreciated. A warm feeling spread through her chest as she wove her fingers through his. His skin felt hot against her own. The sound of Hallie's voice brought both of them out of their shared gaze. Rowan worried that her mother might inquire more about his father. Another uncomfortable question. Hallie didn't, much to Rowan's relief.

"She sounds lovely," Hallie said truthfully. "I'm sorry you lost her at such a young age."

"Yeah. Me too," Levi concluded.

Before the silence grew, Rowan quickly shoved the last bite in her mouth, swallowed, and pushed herself up from the table. Levi gave her a slow look and got up as well, his movements didn't look as full of lethal grace anymore. Her parents stood up as well.

"It is getting late," Alwin sighed, glancing out of the window near their kitchen sink. 

"Yeah," Rowan agreed. "We better get going."

"Alright," Hallie said, her arms opened wide. She set after Levi first and he awkwardly accepted her hug. "Thank you for coming. It was nice to learn more about you."

A bit quieter she added, "I'm so happy you and Rowan are friends."

The words made his eyes lower and soften as he nodded stiffly. Hallie quickly moved on to hug her daughter as Alwin moved to shake Levi's hand. An easier gesture for Levi to return. Saying their goodbyes, Rowan place her hand on Levi's back and pushed him to the door, which earned her a glare. Her parents called their goodbyes as she threw her coat on and ushered the short man out of the house. Once they were outside, a sigh of relief formed a cloud around her head as the cold air nipped at their cheeks. A few steps away from the house, she remembered she'd left her dish and paused in her tracks. Then, waved her hand absentmindedly and decided her dad would probably return it soon. She was more worried about getting Levi back to her house. When she looked over at him, he had his hand shoved in his trousers and his lips were bent in a frown. A sweet smile formed on her lips and the frown faltered.

"Thank you for that," she said honestly. "Truly."

"It was nothing, brat."

Though his voice sounded hard and his shoulders were tense, there was no mistaking the gentle way his eyes grazed at the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooh, Rowan got feisty this chapter. I'm so proud of her *wipes a single tear.* I really struggled with most of the dialogue in this chapter, so I apologize if any of it seems stiff. I've already started working on the next update and I promise it will be full of spice and angst since I'm evil. Tell me your thoughts! I love hearing from you all. I apologize for any mistakes. Til next time!;)


	20. Drunk On Whiskey and One Another

The walk home for the most part was quiet. The street was nearly empty, save for a few people, each of which were huddled in their coats and scarves. The chill of the night dug into Rowan's cheeks and bit at her nose but the warmth that rested in her belly distracted her from the cold. Electricity seemed to crackle between the two of them as they walked back to her place. A million thoughts seemed to be swirling in Levi's head. She could tell by the way his brows creased and the intensity of his eyes as he stared at the ground. He didn't look that way when they'd left. He looked angry now and she knew he must have been thinking about what Erik had said earlier. It made her mad too, but she'd rather not think about it for the rest of the night. She'd deal with it soon. Just not tonight. 

Rowan took the lead and fished in her coat pocket for her key to unlock the front door. She quickly opened the door, tried to mask the way her hands trembled, and allowed Levi inside. The way his shoulders looked as tight as the string of a bow did not go unnoticed. She quickly closed the door and locked up again, turning on her heel to meet Levi who was giving her an odd look.

"What did you lock the door for?" 

She glanced at the lock and met his eyes again, raising an eyebrow.

"You're not walking back after having four cups of my dad's whiskey," she replied readily, her mouth twisted in an incredulous smile.

"I'm not drunk," he insisted, crossing his arms across his chest.

"I know," Rowan said, copying his movements. "I don't know how, but you're not drunk. Just tipsy. I can tell by the way you've slowed down and your face has reddened. It doesn't matter, I'm not letting you leave."

There was a pause. That same electricity crackled.

"As if you could stop me," he finally said, his eyes darkening. A smirk lifted the corners of his mouth.

Rowan found that look so incredibly hot as much as it was annoying. An idea popped into her head at that point. It probably wasn't a good idea, but she didn't care. She could feel flames within her skin and new confidence conjuring her next few moves. A slow, flirtatious smile painted her full lips as she dragged her hand up her chest to unbutton her coat. Taking a step closer to Levi, she pressed forward until he backed himself up against the arm of her couch. She had him trapped. He remained silent, but she savored the way his eyes dragged over her face and then dipped down to observe her hands as she slipped her coat off of her shoulders and set it down neatly on her couch. 

"I'm sure I could figure something out," Rowan whispered, her voice inviting.

"You don't want to play this game right now," Levi growled.

His hand snapped forward and wrapped around her wrist, slightly pulling her body forward. Rowan stumbled a bit and quickly regained her balance, biting her lip as she looked up at him through her lashes. This was another fight for dominance. He was daring her to do something more, _anything._ He wasn't used to people challenging him. She knew that much. Well, then he was going to be in for a surprise tonight. That whiskey had given her more power. She felt all of her usual nerves and concerns melt from her body as if they never existed in the first place. Rowan flung her wrist away from him and watched that dangerous flash in his eyes. Now it was her turn to be rough. Her hands shot out and fisted the collar of his shirt, catching him by surprise as she tugged downwards and made sure her lips were mere inches away from his own. Their breath mingled in that short distance as they both exhaled heavily.

"You're staying here," Rowan repeated breathlessly. "That's final."

A million bursts of electricity burst along her skin as he glared at her lips. She knew he wanted to kiss her and she wanted to kiss him, but she wanted to try something new. She felt good tonight, despite what had happened earlier. Levi was here. With her. Looking so angry and turned on at the same time as she kept her eyes on his face. She wouldn't back down. 

That tightness in Levi's shoulders seemed to loosen as he gazed at her lips. The anger she'd seen in his eyes diminished into something nearly unrecognizable and it caught her by surprise. It looked submissive. He was giving in. He was giving her what she wanted. Those same flames burned in her chest as she finally crashed their lips together and drug her hands through his hair. A sound left his mouth when she did so and he quickly responded by wrapping his arms around her tightly. The embrace was nearly suffocating but Rowan loved the way his fingers clawed at her shoulder blades. He tasted like whiskey, intense and sweet and intoxicating. She wondered if she tasted the same. 

As their lips moved fervently, Levi leaned against the arm of the couch, allowing Rowan to move closer in between his legs. He found it harder to control his thoughts as he felt her breasts press against his chest. He wanted to rip off her clothes. He wanted to mark her skin. He wanted her to do the same for him. He wanted her above him, moving fast and calling his name. Everything he'd felt at dinner came back all at once. The anger. The jealousy. The possessiveness. His teeth caught her lip and he felt his cock harden at the sound of her little moan. 

There was another shift in power. They had fought against one another, trying to gain the upper hand and she had won for a little bit, but his body felt too hot and his emotions ran too high for it to last. Levi bent his knees and ran his hands down her body until his palms pressed against the back of her thighs, then he shot upwards and picked her up. He loved the sound of surprise that left her mouth as he moved to the front of the couch and plopped down, the action causing Rowan to rest so perfectly on his lap. His hands were everywhere as he kissed her roughly. His hands palmed her breasts and felt the outline of her bra. Slowly, his hands moved to the hem of her blouse and he broke away to look in her eyes. Rowan nodded and it was all the permission he needed. In an instant, the blouse was gone and his eyes drank in the sight of her chest. The mounds of her breasts peeked out from the cups of her bra and he skimmed his fingers over the soft flesh there. He didn't miss the sigh that left her lips. Pressing his lips against the tops of her breasts, he began to bite and suck at the skin there. Rowan's hands pulled at the hair on the back of his head and it nearly made his eyes roll back. It felt as if a million goosebumps had broken out on his skin and he couldn't stop the way his hands trembled. Part of him still couldn't believe he wanted it so much. Her touch.

One of his hands grabbed the nape of her neck and pulled her forward, pushing her neck closer to his mouth, and as the events from dinner played in his mind he bit down roughly. A cry left her mouth. He'd wanted to smash Erik's head into the table when he'd challenged him and embarrassed Rowan. He'd wanted to punish himself for never making Rowan laugh the way Erik had. He was furious about the history she shared with that boy. He was upset he didn't know her as well as that boy did. Erik's deliberate words had worked, though he hadn't let it show at dinner. Levi was thoroughly worked up in more ways than one. He wanted to know Rowan through and through. He wanted to make her laugh, even though he knew he couldn't. God, he wanted to. He wanted so many things and it terrified him. It scared him that he cared so much. Bad things happened to the people he cared about.

A strangled sound vibrated in his throat as he tore his mouth away from the flushed skin of her neck and harshly pressed his lips against hers. They felt so soft and he hardly noticed she'd begun to drag his black jacket off of his shoulders. He didn't care. She could do whatever she wanted to him. Soon, she'd reached his button-down and he saved her the hassle by ripping the shirt open. He didn't care that the buttons popped from their threads and scattered on the floor. He'd clean them up later. Their lips broke apart as he dug his fingers into her hips. They were both breathing harshly and the hunger was bright within their eyes. He swallowed thickly as he glanced at the purple splotches that had formed on her chest. 

"Touch me," he commanded, though his voice sounded broken.

The sound made Rowan pause and gaze at his face. His eyes were swirling with so many emotions that it stole her breath from her lungs and made her heartbeat stutter. 

"Now," he begged.

Something shifted again. It was her turn now. He was freely giving it to her, but she didn't want to be powerful like she did before. Now she wanted to be soft and adoring. Whatever was plaguing Levi, she wanted to make him forget about it.

Her fingers started slow and she allowed herself to catch her breath as she dragged her hands up his chest. His skin felt feverish against the tips of her fingers as she brushed them over the hardened muscles of his stomach. His body felt so nice against her hands. She could never get sick of the way it all felt. She savored the way his skin tightened beneath her touch and how his hands were holding her so firmly. Dipping her head low, she pressed a kiss against his collarbone and worked her way down. Her teeth grazed against his left nipple and she felt him jolt beneath her. A strange sound ripped through his throat as she nipped at his stomach and moved her body off of his lap. As sensuously as she could manage, she climbed off of the couch and pressed her knees to the hardwood of her floor. She quickly grabbed the waistband of his trousers and pulled his hips forward. When she looked up, she was met with the confused gaze of the man in front of her.

"Oi, what are you-"

His words were cut off as she pressed her palm against the tent in his pants. He inhaled sharply and threw his head back.

"You wanted me to touch you, right?" Rowan asked, biting at her lip.

"Yes," he muttered through grit teeth.

"It'll be okay," she purred. "Relax."

If she was honest, Rowan had no idea what she was doing. She'd never done it before. This would be a first. All she knew was that she was determined to make him feel good. So, once he settled into the cushions of the couch and seemed to relax just a little bit, she continued her ministrations. She loved the way his head completely fell back against the back of the couch as she rubbed at the confined erection. He felt big beneath her hand. Part of her wanted to unzip his pants and find out right at that moment, but she knew it would be more comfortable for him if she worked her way there. For several more seconds, she did just that. Once the tension completely left his body, she pressed a kiss against his lower stomach, just above his waistband, and began to undo his pants. It amazed her how calm she felt at this moment and she silently thanked her dad for letting everyone have the whiskey.

Levi was wearing a pair of underwear that was a darker shade of grey. The fabric clung to his body and made her mouth water as she stared at the bulge there. Slowly, she tugged at both of the waistbands and looked up to meet Levi's eyes, just in case he wanted to stop. His eyes showed no sign of disgust or discomfort. In fact, she only saw pure want in his eyes and it spurred her on, igniting more flames within her.

She pulled the waistbands down and he lifted his hips to make it easier for her. Immediately, his dick sprang free and Rowan's eyes bulged at the sight of it. For a moment, she was stunned. It was definitely _big. _Swallowing, she carefully wrapped her hand around the base and experimentally pumped his dick. It felt so soft and thick in her hand. His eyes drifted shut and his head fell back again. _Okay, _she thought, _so far so good. _Even though she'd never done anything like this, she'd heard several stories from Eliza and other girls around her age when she was younger. It was all she could go off of and she hoped she could do it right. Rowan started slow, testing the waters and paid attention to every twitch in his usually stoic expression. After she grew comfortable with the way it felt in her hand, she began to pump faster. She didn't miss the way his face screwed up in pleasure and how his fingers dug into the cushions. He was starting to breathe faster.

When he opened his eyes, she was taken aback by the intensity of his gaze and she could feel her core moisten at the sight before her. An idea popped into her head then. Not daring to look away, she propped her elbows on the edge of the cushions and pressed a kiss to the tip of his dick. A soft sound of pleasure echoed in the room. Then, she took it into her mouth and swirled her tongue around the tip. His hands immediately left the cushions to grab handfuls of her hair as he hissed through his teeth.

"Rowan," he choked.

A coy smile lit up her face before she repeated the action. Only this time, she didn't pull away. She maneuvered her mouth around his dick and felt the corners of her mouth stretch to accommodate him. It was an odd feeling, she decided, but that didn't mean that she didn't enjoy it. Her head began to bob at a steady pace, getting used to the feeling and figuring out the best way to pleasure him. After a few moments of going up and down, she'd stop and swirl her tongue around the top. He'd pull on her hair and let the slightest of groans escape his mouth when she did so. He must've liked that the most. So, she kept doing it, only faster and deeper. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes as she felt his cock reach deep into her throat. She didn't dare stop. His hips snapped upwards and she had to use her hands to press his hips down and keep him still. Pants left his mouth and mingled with the occasional moan, creating a sound that Rowan wanted to hear over and over. Her panties must've been soaked by this point. Pressing her thighs together, a pretty moan vibrated against Levi's dick, and she continued to bob her head.

"Shit," he grunted, fingers caressing her scalp. "I'm close."

It only spurred her on and she took him in deeper as if that was possible. Tears spilled from her eyes as she tried to breathe through her nose, but she didn't care. She didn't care that her hair was probably a mess. The only thing that mattered was Levi. She allowed him to thrust upwards and she could feel his body tremble as he did so. Obscene sounds gurgled in her throat as he moved forward in her mouth. It might become an addiction of hers, to see him like this. It was so beautiful. The sight of him writhing and worked up made her feel powerful. She had this power over him. No one else.

"Rowan," he growled.

And she knew he was nearly there. He was seconds away. She wrapped her hand tightly around the base and pumped, while still keeping her lips locked on the middle and moving her tongue in a quick swirl. A choked sound echoed in the room, his hips snapped forward and stayed there, and Rowan tried not to gag as she felt a hot spurt of something salty slide down her throat. Though it was hard, she kept her mouth on him and licked up the remainder of cum that resided on the tip and leaked from one corner of her mouth. Pulling away, her tongue snaked out and licked away the last drop on the corner of her mouth, then she placed his cock back within his pants. Tears ran from her eyes and she hastily wiped them away, her face feeling hot and her mouth particularly worked. When she looked up at Levi, she felt her body went still. A zap of warmth sparked through her at the sight of his disheveled appearance and intense eyes. Standing up, he wrapped his hand around her wrist, pulling her up with him and grabbing the backs of her thighs, he lifted her as if she weighed nothing. A yelp of surprise left her mouth as he stalked down her hall, no doubt heading toward her bedroom. Sure enough, he swung open her door and threw her down on the bed. He was atop her in hardly a second, his lips catching hers and his hand cupping her breasts. Longing to feel his skin touch hers, she leaned forwards to undo her bra and threw it on the floor, ignoring the part of her that wanted to shrink away and cover her chest. His eyes took in the sight of her bare chest and the purple splotches across the upper part of her breasts. They looked so pretty against the pale of her skin and the light pink of her nipples. His mouth quickly latched onto one of her nipples and a pleasurable sigh left her mouth at the contact. He pressed her shoulders down, making her fall completely against the bed, and he nestled in between her legs, his erection pressed against the apex between her thighs. He lavished each breast with attention, sucking and lightly biting at each nipple, enjoying the way they hardened in his mouth. A growl lingered in his throat when he felt her roll her hips, trying to create friction, and a smirk pulled at his lips. He broke away from her breasts and looked deep into her eyes. She looked so beautiful with her messy auburn hair and wanton expression. He teased her mouth with his own and left short kisses on each corner of her mouth, avoiding connecting their lips on purpose. He wasn't surprised when she grabbed his face and pulled him in for a kiss, their lips connected and he savored her kiss, then broke away. 

"You're such a good girl, Rowan," he murmured, his fingers lightly twisted her right nipple and he rolled his hips against her core. 

She responded with a loud moan. Every part of her ached for more.

"Do you want more?" Levi asked, his voice low. "Tell me."

"Yes," Rowan breathed.

He pressed another quick, hard kiss against her lips and worked his way down her body. He pressed kisses against her throat, sucked a bit more at the fresh bruises on her chest, and bit down softly on the soft flesh of her side. Her body never stopped writhing as he unbuttoned her pants and pulled them away from her legs. His hands ran over her exposed curves and his eyes hungrily took in the sight of her soaked underwear. Hastily, he scooted backward on the bed until his face was just above her core, and pressed a kiss over the wet fabric, and hooked his finger over the band, pulling it to the side. Another kiss was pressed against her pussy and he heard the sharp intake of breath she took. Gazing up, he found her looking at him with wide eyes, and her lip caught between her teeth. He pressed a reassuring kiss against her inner thigh and slowly pulled her underwear off, his eyes not leaving hers. She was completely naked before him and the sight of her body was much better than anything he'd ever imagined. He'd touched himself several times to the thought of what she might look like naked whenever he was alone and horny in his living quarters. None of those images compared to the real thing. Her breasts were perky and the perfect size to fit in his palms, her skin was so soft and pale, her stomach was flat and her waist dipped in nicely to meet rounded hips, and her pussy was pretty and pink. A small patch of pubic hair rested farther up but it was trimmed and neat. He longed to taste her and bring her to the edge. 

"You're so wet," he muttered, skimming an index finger down the slit and coating it with her juices.

"Mm," was the only reply he got.

She wanted to be touched so badly and he was willing to give that to her. Leaning forward, he pressed his tongue flat against her clit and licked upwards, a short shudder jerked through her body and he did it again. He moved his tongue lower, and it pressed inside of her and brought her juices into his mouth. A sigh left his mouth as he enjoyed the taste of her on his tongue. She was as sweet as nectar. He tried a few more experimental licks and used his hands to keep her hips pressed against the mattress. She kept trying to roll her hips and meet his mouth, but he wanted to drag it out and copy what she did to him earlier. He'd never done anything like this before. The idea of sex had disgusted him. The sounds, the smells, the mess. He'd spent the first few years of his life living in a brothel with his mother and he'd seen some things that repulsed him. Some of those things he wanted to do to the girl he was with. He wanted to make her cry out. He wanted to be inside of her. He wanted to pound into her and feel her shudder around his dick. The thoughts should've disgusted him, but they didn't. He'd never felt this strongly for a woman before. The thoughts only spurred him on as he licked at her pussy and swirled his tongue around her clit. He didn't mind the wet sounds he was making. He didn't mind the way her juices coated his mouth, in fact, he relished it. Rowan cried out when he sucked on her clit for a few seconds and her hands wrapped in his hair, pushing his head down. 

"Fuck," he mumbled against her pussy. "You taste so good."

The next few minutes Levi spent working his tongue against her core, listening to to the lewd sounds she made and feeling her body shudder over and over. Rowan was in heaven. She didn't care that she must've looked a hot mess. She didn't care her whole body was exposed to him. All she could think about was his tongue, moving and circling around the most sensitive part of her body. A zap went through her whole body until it reached her feet as he sucked on her clit once more. With her head thrown back, she let out a cry as stars consumed her vision and sent an entirely pleasurable wave throughout her whole being. For a minute, that was all she saw, the bright lights in her vision. When it started to disappear, she felt her chest rising quickly and her heart was beating fast, trying to come back down to the bed she'd floated from for a few seconds. Levi wiped at his mouth that was glistening and bent in a small smirk. She didn't comprehend how fast he'd moved back up her body, one hand grasping her throat and his lips connecting roughly with her own. Another cry left her lips but was swallowed by Levi's kiss. He'd started rolling his hips against hers, the tent in his trousers had become more apparent than before and he felt completely solid against her core. A whine bubbled in Rowan's throat. She was so sensitive from before that the pressure felt so good it hurt. Their lips moved and crashed and caressed one another. Rowan felt so lightheaded she thought she might actually pass out. One of her hands pressed lightly against his chest, but he hardly noticed. His lips hovered just above her ear and she felt a shiver go down her spine.

"I want to fuck you so badly," his voice was soft and hard, consuming, and so filled with desire that it made her head whirl.

"Levi," she said weakly. One of her hands reached for her temple. 

The odd sound to her voice made him pause and his eyes flashed towards her face. A bolt of concern went through him at the sight of her heavy-lidded eyes. She looked a bit paler than before and she clearly couldn't focus. He pulled himself away from her and pressed a palm to her cheek, the erection he'd had quickly went limp and the rest of his body went taut. A sick feeling made his chest tighten. Had he hurt her? What had he done wrong?

"Hey," he said, his hand moving her head slightly. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Hm," Rowan mumbled, her eyes were closed. Her hand was resting lazily against her forehead. A soft giggle left her throat. "I think I shouldn't have had any whiskey. I feel a little lightheaded."

His shoulders immediately loosened and a quiet exhale left his mouth. A smirk decorated his face.

"Want to stop?" He asked softly.

"Yes...no," she breathed, reaching for his face. "It's probably a good idea."

"We need to stop," Levi demanded as he pushed himself off the bed.

He disappeared from between her legs and Rowan heard him rustling through her dresser. Getting ready to ask what he was doing, she opened one of her eyes and found him standing with one of her nightgowns in his hands. He gestured for her to sit up and she complied, despite the light feeling in her skull. His hands were gentle as he dressed her and pulled the nightgown over her slim shoulders. A loud yawn echoed around them as he helped her into the bed. The blankets felt so soft and comfortable against her body. She watched as he pulled away once more and started for the door, and before she could stop it, one of her hands bolted from beneath the covers and wrapped around his wrist. Ignoring the nausea she felt from moving so quickly, she studied his face for a moment, her green eyes pleading and melancholy.

"You're leaving?" She whispered.

"Calm down, brat," he muttered, one of his hands reaching to ruffle her hair. "I'm just getting you a glass of water."

"Oh."

She dropped his wrist and watched as he disappeared through her bedroom door. Down the hall, she could hear him rumbling through her cupboards for a glass and the water that ran from her sink. When he appeared, he shoved the glass in her direction and silently demanded her to drink it. In a matter of seconds, the water had been consumed and she stretched her arms above her head, then her body floated back down to the pillows. A happy sigh left her mouth when she felt him climb in beside her. One of her hands pressed itself against his bare chest and she smiled, her eyes drifting shut. He moved some stray red hairs away from her forehead.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled sleepily.

"Don't apologize," he rumbled. "It's alright. We needed to stop."

"Will we ever do it again?" She asked, the edges of her voice filled with hope.

There was a pause.

"Yes," Levi insisted, his hand resting on her warm cheek. "We'll do it again when we're both sober."

"That's a good idea," she yawned and pressed her face further into her pillow. "I like you so much. So much."

Levi didn't respond for several seconds and she quickly fell asleep, her breathing deep and quiet. For several minutes, he merely watched her. The way her lips parted, the red hair that billowed on her pillow, the peaceful and innocent expression she sported. Then, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to the smooth skin of her forehead. A content feeling willed him to close his eyes and move his body closer to hers.

"I like you too," he whispered. "Probably a little too much."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeey! I'm so sorry y'all didn't get some full on sex, but I promise we're almost there. I'm slightly evil and like to drag things out;) I went through so many emotions writing this chapter. It was actually really fun and I'm proud of it. What did y'all think? Don't be afraid to tell me your thoughts. I truly appreciate all the comments, kudos, and bookmarks I receive. They encourage me to continue writing this little story. Like always, I apologize for any mistakes, though I actually did proofread this chapter (surprisingly). Till next time and thank you for your support!:)


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